To think boarding schools are an expensive version of neglect?

[WriterofDreams]

I don't get boarding schools at all. Especially for young children. I will never forget watching a documentary about 7 year olds being sent to boarding school and the fear and upset the poor girls went through being separated from their families. For what? The mums seemed to think the poor children's suffering was necessary in service of their futures. Surely it's more important for them to grow up in their families and enjoy their siblings? I don't have a huge amount of personal experience of boarding schools so I may be missing something important. I do know however know two adults who were sent to boarding school as young children and consider themselves seriously damaged by it.

Surely it's better for a young child to be raised by people who genuinely love them than by a house mother who may be kind and loving but who essentially is just doing a job? AIBU to see boarding school as a form of high class care system for the wealthy?

Town - I'm not saying it's easy - it would be hard, but as you know I have an issue with sending 7-10 year olds away, so I could NOT do it. I would have to stay with them and let DH juggle it - so that he could see us when he could.

Slip - what's your take on it then - and hopefully I will be intellectually able to understand - don't put me down.

FWIW I could not/did not board my DC at that age and DH did commute for some time. Our DC were too young and we were happy and able to top up their education to the standard we expected whilst at primary.

Secondary/teens is another ball game.

I personally know a couple of families that have boarded pre teens though. For them it was the best solution for an even more difficult situation than normal for forces. Not what they would have choosen to do in an ideal world but one that has (apparently) worked for them in the circumstances they found themslves in.

Meditrina - my post was quoting the OP - they weren't my words. I'm supporting scary's viewpoint!

Candleshoe the prep school you went to from your posts, I'm presuming is the same place that my older children have only just left.

They found the experience fantastic, enjoyed their time there, recommend it to everyone, and have already said they hope to send their own children there.

At any school state/private/day/boarding, there will be people who don't enjoy the experience, whilst others love it, it's why there is so much variety in the schools.

I went to an all girls independent school, and hated it and vowed no child of mine would ever go to a single sex school. My eldest children have chosen to go to single sex senior schools. Their choice, their lives and they love it.

But boarding school isn't on for 80% of the year!

But why are millitary wives so much worse than civilian wives, when it has been pointed out many times on this thread that a) the % of military wives choosing boarding is small and b) the % of boarders who are forces children is small?

Talk about attacking a minority.

I think you should be a bit more respectful of Forces families, SwallowedAFly.

Swallowedafly: if you really want to know the answer, then google for the recent Parliamentary debates on the Military Covenant.

Cointreau: really sorry about conflating your quotation with the rest of your post earlier.

"BTW, so could you all live apart from DH/DP for 80% of your relationships?
"

If that choice was that or being away from my DCs for 60% of their childhood, then yes, that would be the option we as a family would take. DH would expect that.

are forces wives not allowed to work?

Forces wives can and do work.

There are a lot of baseless stereotypes in this thread.

so i wonder how they fulfil all these other duties as well?

Swallowedafly, I think we are confusing each other.

I meant that DH has had 1 posting in the location of good (secondary) schools since we had DC. Had i stayed there with the children we would only have lived with DH for 3 of 15ish years, so for 80% of the rest of the time he would have lived elsewhere in the country/world.

Dh hasn't always worked away from his posting location all the time, for weeks and months at times but not all the time, for much of the time he works regular daytime hours.

I have said that personally we moved our DC during primary school to be with DH, as primary was for us too young.

Exams are now a differnt thing. We decided that we don't want to keep moving the DC during secondary (DH on 3rd posting since eldest started secondary) so we have all decided they would board. i see DC more than far more than 20% of the time and have not abandoned my parental care to an institution. I still have my parental care, they just spend time at school, in a warm and caring envirnment in which I am warmly welcomed and a frequent visitor. I see it as a comparison to grandparents providing childcare or equivalent to a childminder (for younger children - not teenagers . Is that terrible too? How about being cared for by a step-parent? It remeains a similar principle for me just a longer duration. I have not abdicated all responsibility for the DCs.

Do you have to be unemployed to be mother of service DC in boarding school?. I thought I was allowed to work?

Again FWIW, personally when DH is 'away' I have been (unpaid) involved in welfare issues as I can be more approachable that service personnel.

i presume those in the services aren't unable to be in their home countries for 80% of the time every year either. ?

and when there are mothers working their butts off to support their children and keep a roof over their head being told they're no longer entitled to child benefit this happened to service families too.

I will reiterate I am talking of teens not under 10s.

Plenty of women are in the forces and leave children in the UK to work and even fight abroad. Let's not be sexist about it. The forces have always been treated in this special way. Whether the nation still wishes to do so is another matter.

Also some forces families choose to buy their own house in the UK and plenty have a high earning other spouse. You can't generalise but the boarding school subsidy has certainly been under scrutiny.

People make their own choices about spouse. I just simply avoid someone who will be away a lot as I wouldn't like that. However others think it's fine. Plenty of people (usually male) "arrange" to work away in London in the week and park the wife and children in the country so they can pursue their affairs without restriction. However most couples do want to be living together and spending virtually every night together.

People make their own choices about spouse. I just simply avoid someone who will be away a lot as I wouldn't like that. Oh the benefits of hindsight Xenia....

Are you here to discuss boarding or bash Forces families?