To think boarding schools are an expensive version of neglect?

[WriterofDreams]

I don't get boarding schools at all. Especially for young children. I will never forget watching a documentary about 7 year olds being sent to boarding school and the fear and upset the poor girls went through being separated from their families. For what? The mums seemed to think the poor children's suffering was necessary in service of their futures. Surely it's more important for them to grow up in their families and enjoy their siblings? I don't have a huge amount of personal experience of boarding schools so I may be missing something important. I do know however know two adults who were sent to boarding school as young children and consider themselves seriously damaged by it.

Surely it's better for a young child to be raised by people who genuinely love them than by a house mother who may be kind and loving but who essentially is just doing a job? AIBU to see boarding school as a form of high class care system for the wealthy?

LineRunner: as was mentioned earlier there are more officers' children as they can serve until they are 55 years old so their children are older. Other Ranks serve for up to 22 years. Thus could be only 40 when they leave if they joined at 18 and did the full 22 years which many don't. (there are exception I know but in general the above is true)
CEA pays for up to 90% of boarding fees up to a limit as has been discussed earlier. Therefore if your school was expensive then some military personnel may not have wished or been able to contribute the extra to top up the fees.

We favour the forces as we want to be defended in war. Given the cut backs and lack of public funds however and that there is (I believe) no shortage of people willing to join up at the moment the equation is now changed and we could cut back on the 90% school fee subsidy.

Hi there goinggetstough no it wasn't one of the expensive schools. But it was a while ago as I am now getting quite antiquated - have the rules changed since the 1700s 1980s?

What you say still points to a form of structural exclusion however. Shirley?

Xenia; It is not a 90% subsidy at most schools. That is just the maximum the MOD will contribute. So as you stated earlier they contribute £5836 and then the parents pay a minimum of 10% £583 per term. So a total of £6419. As you know there are not many schools that have full boarding rates at this fee level. So in reality we choose our own school and then rightly so we top up the fees.

Town - How long do long term activity holidays go on for?

To be honest, Childrens' Homes aren't a lot of fun really - but I think I'm right in saying that they serve a similar function to Boarding Schools - in that they are a substitute for home parenting. There's a big stigma attached to telling people you were brought up in a Childrens' Home though.

You don't need an FOI request - the information is already published on the DASA website and in other MOD and Parliamentary sites (it comes up in PQs frequently).

I see it as an addition to parenting, for the purpose of a good education. In my case.

But I can see how being sent at 7 and effectively abandoned would feel terrible to any child.

Having children is a privilage, as anyone who has had difficulty conceiving would agree. I don't understand why you would have a child and 'farm' it out elsewhere, unless of course they are an adornement like the, 4x4 and the large house.

Parents have subcontracted childcare and education, in multiple ways, throughout the centuries - including sending tiny infants miles from their parents for years of wet nursing, or sending children back from the colonies to spend years with adults in loco parentis whom the parents had never met.

I am no particular fan of boarding school, but it's a reasonable option for some families. Like any form of childcare or schooling, boarding school should not be seen as a "one-size fits all" solution.

Animation sorry, I didn't mean to write poorly, I meant that boarding school could be compared to a longer term version of an activity holiday, in some repects (in that it IS fun), in the same way it could also be compared to a children's home.

I definitely agree that it is a totally different thing to be said for growing up at a care home and to have grown up whist attending a boarding school.

Our current posting doesn't have the option of married unaccompanied. DH would have to pay exactly the same costs (rent, bills etc) being here just him as for the 2 (soon to be 3) of us and I would need to find accommodation privately and pay rent, bills etc as we don't own our own home. The assumption is that you will move. Even if he were to be housed with water and electricity paid he'd still need to feed himself, pay transport/run a car, pay for a phoneline etc BUT he'd be on an unaccompanied posting and paid accordingly.

If we were sent overseas (as in an international posting, rather than our current overseas domestic) AEFE schoolfees would be paid but space isn't guaranteed. London is many people's nightmare posting, closely followed by Washington for that reason. It's no good having schoolfees paid if you can't get a place and you're faced with putting your child into a foreign education system where they don't speak the language.

[not British Forces]

Unless your posting is less than 1 year, I don't understand the need to stick kids in English speaking schools. The advantage of speaking another language and understanding another culture is as valuable as any academic education. Thus, I still can't see need for boarding.

hi recieverofopiniongiver.
only just noticed your post about parents being phoned by school. My point was that it was the end of term, school was closed and the parents hadn't even registered it!!

Expat - so you stick your child into say the Flemish system in Year 8 and then back into the UK system at year 10, when they haven't been able to make options choices, have missed out on 2 years of teaching leading to GCSEs, and have to fight to get a place at the local LEA school because you haven't been given an address until 1 week beofre the end of the academic year. Cheers.

Exams and curriculi, expat7

WoD
''Bonsoir I really find your point of view very odd. So you're saying that a person who is really upset at their parents dying is somehow stunted? That once you're an adult your feelings for the person who gave birth to and nurtured you throughout your life should be dampened to the extent that when you die you don't really feel that sad?? Out of interest do other people feel the same way as Bonsoir?

I didn't feel devastated at all when my Dad died - I felt as if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I could start being me as opposed to who he wanted me to be. I will be devastated when Mum dies as we are very close emotionally if not geographically, however, twas not always thus. I thunk I have a far more mature relationship with my Mum now - we see each other as adults rather than the Mum/daughter dynamic that used to exist. I spend time with her because I like her, not because I have to. I also wasn't aware that there was any categorical imperative to either like/love one's parents. Had my Dad not been my Dad, I wouldn't have spent any time with him as I didn't like him as a person.

Just as a thought I wonder how many of the anti-boarding school posters are absolutely happy to walk into a roomful of people they don't know, but who know each other pretty well and would be happy to just get on with making good friends out of this room full of new people. Then also do it in every aspect of your life eg sports, bookclub groups etc

Then move away from these people that have become your friends a year or so later, you'll probably never see them again, and do it again. And again, and again. Meanwhile grow a bit older and become pretty self concious to boot.

Forces schools in Germany are there because the RAF and the Army had lots of people stationed there, the Army in particular. If you have massive bases there, effectively like small towns, it makes sense to provide schooling there as well, UK curriculum, UK teachers, UK exams. There are afaik, Forces (SCE) schools in Cyprus, and there used to be in Hong Kong, and I believe Gib as well.

There is no point sending a child to school there if they are not in Germany with the exception of the SHAPE secondary kids. It must have been cheaper to do that rather than pay CEA. It also makes sense if regiments are there on say a two year posting (and afaik the whole regiment will move out and then on to the next posting) to have the schools there for all the kids who will come with their parents.

Officers in the Army may be more mobile than the ranks, hence their use of CEA, as they may be 1 year with that regiment and then moved elsewhere.

scary I have to pick you up on saying that the boarding school allowance isn't the subject of fraudulent claims

I know of a lot of people who claim boarding school fees and keep their kids at home

there are a lot of empty yet paid for beds at schools like Farleigh. Paid for by the army mostly. Dad is in afghanistan or london or wherever and mum and kids are in a cottage nearby unbeknownst to the military

Town - That's an interesting question.

I'm anti-boarding school from 7-10 years, and I'm happy to walk in a room of people I don't know..

I'm not happy though to lose friends after a year - time and time again.

Med, our terms are not more generous than the Army, but when married unaccompanied abroad and there was no wardroom, dh paid his food and phone bill and travel. He did pay not rent or utilities, as he would not have done in the mess. He most definitely did not pay the CTAX contribution as they wouldn't give me 25% discount in UK, so why should he pay it somewhere else?

You may have to run two houses WoD, as if you live in MQs and pay rent, and you are also paying a mortgage, you are effectively running two houses. We rent ours out in UK, whilst living in service accommodation abroad, but it doesn't cover the mortgage, so we make a loss on paper each year.

Travel expensive? Yes it is, especially from mainland Europe to Cornwall.

Wordfactory - 'scary I think it is very easy for people to say they would never do something while sitting comfortably in Guildford, with their DH home for tea at six and their Mum around the corner for help with child care.' Precisely.

Freshmint those of us who claim CEA hate those who fraudulently claim. Not sure about the Farleigh situation but if a DC has boarded for a year or until recently has a sibling who has boarded for year then they can claim the day school rate if the parents live in the area.
Those who are found out committing fraud have to pay all the money back and can lose their job. Fraud happens in all walks of life. So if you think someone is doing this please report them. A number was given earlier in the thread.

freshmint glad it's not just me, thinking I'm going mad....

I don't 'get' how my SIL can basically pick and choose where she lives, with officer husband or without officer husband, abroad or home, and still always have her kids' boarding school paid for by the taxpayer.

If she's screwing the system, then so's dear officer husband, i.e. the army is screwing itself and the taxpayer.

And to relate back to the original post, SIL has done this (send her 7 year old kids to boarding school) because, basically, she can get a perk.

And I'll bet it's a lot easier for officers to find the 10% contribution than those in the ranks - hence my comment about structural exclusion.

If boarding school is so appropriate, let's make sure ALL our forces' children get it, for free, or none.

LeQueen, you are homing in on the idea that the trailing partner's main objection is being upset and stressed at being away from a partner. You seem determined to simplify the issues these women are trying to explain. I assure you that the psychological and practical realities are far more complex and individual than you appear willing to contemplate.