To think boarding schools are an expensive version of neglect?

[WriterofDreams]

I don't get boarding schools at all. Especially for young children. I will never forget watching a documentary about 7 year olds being sent to boarding school and the fear and upset the poor girls went through being separated from their families. For what? The mums seemed to think the poor children's suffering was necessary in service of their futures. Surely it's more important for them to grow up in their families and enjoy their siblings? I don't have a huge amount of personal experience of boarding schools so I may be missing something important. I do know however know two adults who were sent to boarding school as young children and consider themselves seriously damaged by it.

Surely it's better for a young child to be raised by people who genuinely love them than by a house mother who may be kind and loving but who essentially is just doing a job? AIBU to see boarding school as a form of high class care system for the wealthy?

What about those who board in prep for a specific purpose? Eg being a chorister. Ds wants to do this. If be could go now he would. He is 6. He is extremely sociable and confident and knows above everything how much he is loved and valued. I think sending a child to boarding school because you don't care about them is as bad as not letting them experience anything that takes them away from you. There are plenty of parents who live their lives through their children and the outcome for both adult and child is rarely good.

I've just asked my sister what she thinks as the 4 older ones of us 5 went at 11, but she went at 9. (Admittedly we are/were Forces children) and she said she really didn't have any issues with it. Yes there was homesickness (I still occasionally got it even in Upper V), but we all have and have always had an incredibly close relationship with my mother (and Stepfather/father, who's now dead) since we were diddly squat.

Just also chatted with my big DCs on Skype to ask what they think - they went at 11 (almost 12, all early school year birthdays) and they told me what I've always known and that is that they love it. Again, sometimes they have a pang of homesickness, but it's maybe once a term during the first or second week. I see them once and sometimes twice a month, at half terms, holidays and the older two sometimes nip over for a long weekend if studies allow.

I personally would not send my children at Prep school age, but I would slate others for choosing to do what may be practical, necessary (as in choristers perhaps), or whatever really.

My 2 friends both boarded from age 4!

I did, of course, mean to write I WOULDN'T slate, not would [embarrassed]

I see them once and sometimes twice a month

ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN FIT IT IN.........

If you read this how I read this you would be horried.You are joking right?

horrified

LeQueen do you understand how truly offensive your post is? You are effectively saying that those parents who send their dcs to boarding school love their dcs less than those who don't.

LEQUEEN......i AM WITH YOU

Mollie - I suspect a 6 year old might like the idea of it but really doesn't understand the reality. How can you when you're six? My parents went away for three weeks when I was that age and even though I was very excited about them going away and thought it woudl be fun I missed them terribly.

Perhaps I'm also a bit scarred by my sister who was hugely keen to go to boarding school at 11 and then when she came back at Xmas burst into tears and said she hated it. But my parents had paid fees for the whole year so she had to go back. I felt so, so sorry for her. I think we all read too much Mallory Towers when we were young.

Just spoke to my son on phone......he was bouncey happy and full of news.....I'm going to see him tomorrow as he has eve off singing so he has chance to come out. (mollieo he is a chorister)

I have been very shocked by this thread and the implications that some people can make about others and their children when they have no idea about those people's lifes or how their children are.

I apprechiate that everyone has their own views on these matters but to tar people as neglecting unloving and not worthy to be parents is just out of order and narrow minded. If you don't know haven't experience or walked a mile in that persons shoes you have no right to judge them so harshly.

Why is everyone horrified at "I see them once and sometimes twice a month"?

That is how boarding school works. Obviously, children see their parents at holiday time too.

BeenBeta - because they are enjoying the opportunity to engage in some horrified squealing and slating of others.

I think he completely understands that during the week he will sleep at school and come home at weekends. It is interesting that I will be judged on my parenting for allowing him to do something that he wants to do.

Both my parents boarded. Neither would have sent us to boarding school, though mum used to threaten it occasionally. I always wished she would . One of my uncles sent his boys to boarding school, one out of 17 aunts and uncles between mum's and dad's family, most of whom were sent away to school themselves.

They went from 12ish on though, not 7 or 8, which I think is a bit Dad's memories featured daily swimming in a cold pool and beating of students by the Jesuits; mum's wartime experience featured an allocation of one pat of butter per week for each girl and mandatory pleasant conversation at dinner.

Dad's uncles went to the same school. One died there of some sort of pneumonia, way back in the late 1800s and was buried in the school cemetery . I always found it very odd that the family didn't take him home for burial.

Granny once went to visit a brother of dad's in his school because he was ill, and settled into bed in a guest room on her first night, only to find a sock there waiting for her. My uncle was sent to the 'family' school when he finished up his year...

And yes you've made me cry. HOw fucking dare you.

It's best if you don't get upset by this. A lot of the anti-boarders on this thread have no personal experience of boarding and are trotting out a load of old guff. Really.

I had a brilliant time boarding and so do most people. Much better than if I'd stayed at home and my home life was generally very happy.

Lucy I saw on another chorister thread that your Ds is a chorister at the school my ds wants to go to. I'm the same as you, shocked at how others on this thread must think they are perfect parents!

not you swallowedafly, your comments are perfectly decent. It's miss perfect MrsChips

I considered a boarding school for DD1, a state maths and science academy in the US, and she was very keen to go, but I decided against it on the grounds that she seemed so young and unformed still, at age 14. Essentially it would have meant she would be leaving home at 14 instead of 18. My grandfather left school and home at 14 to work on a farm that he later inherited, but that was out of sheer necessity.