To think boarding schools are an expensive version of neglect?

[WriterofDreams]

I don't get boarding schools at all. Especially for young children. I will never forget watching a documentary about 7 year olds being sent to boarding school and the fear and upset the poor girls went through being separated from their families. For what? The mums seemed to think the poor children's suffering was necessary in service of their futures. Surely it's more important for them to grow up in their families and enjoy their siblings? I don't have a huge amount of personal experience of boarding schools so I may be missing something important. I do know however know two adults who were sent to boarding school as young children and consider themselves seriously damaged by it.

Surely it's better for a young child to be raised by people who genuinely love them than by a house mother who may be kind and loving but who essentially is just doing a job? AIBU to see boarding school as a form of high class care system for the wealthy?

Terrible indeed to put a child in nursery at 3 months.

Anyway I am off now to pick my son up from tennis practise sort out tomorrows stuff and then put him to bed...

ARE'NT i LUCKY.

I am pleased you are able to fit in all your son's activities, socialising, and school.

And if you don't have to work to fund the activites and clubs, then they are very lucky and so are you. Unfortunately I have to work, and then it come a juggling act.

Not read much of the thread.

I was so grateful to be offered boarding school at age 13 and said yes without hesitation.
It allowed me to escape from my toxic mother and miserable childhood. I made some friend and came out of my shell. I didn't have to edure the humiliation, constant smacks and being made to feel worthless, unlovable and unwanted any more. It was a wonderful escape.
I then got myself a holiday job so I could be out of the house for large amounts of time when I did have to be at home.

a good friend of mine was comforting me one day when i was upset at son being away at boarding school. she said she thought it was the most 'selfless' thing i could do for him. she was right. he wanted to go for academic reasons, we lived too far away for him to be a daily. yes i do love him. thats why i put him first

Oh dear there's a lot of pro boarders on here. Boarding at aged 7 is definately too young and not good for emotional development. It might be OK from aged 11 IF the child wants to go.

Animation is there any research to back up your statement.

Goodbyemrschips Ignorant or what?

I probably shouldn't be shocked or surprised at the sheer vindictivness, smuggery and spite displayed by Mrschips, but I am.

Why anyone feels the need to denigrate the choices of others to that extent is beyond me. You don't want to do it? Great. So don't do it. But to make comments like:

"all achievements but no loving"

"do you think he is better off without you?"

"yeah because no one sends their child to nursery 9-5 at the age of 1 do they ffs

ffs .......have kids and look after them for at least a little bit before junking them off somewhere else"

" I shall care for him, not pay someone else to do it."

I have real, serious doubts about how confident people like this are in their decisions - as I said earlier, as far as I can see the only reason to keep banging on and on about others' poor parenting is to make yourself look/feel better by comparison.

And re: sleeping through from 6 weeks - my son did this. He is now 20 months and has hardly ever woken in the night. The difference between us is that I don't feel the need to suggest that you are a rubbish parent because your children wake in the night.

Swallowedafly: attachment disorder was mentioned in a very spite-filled thread the other day. The only link that was posted on that about the disorder showed that 6 of the 9 causative factors arose from present but inadequate parents. Others were hospitalisation of the child, adoptions fostering (may well be linked with the 6 first listed factors), and other separations came well down the list.

We get that you don't like the idea of early boarding.

We don't agree that what is right for you is right for everyone, and that this who do not conform to your world picture are defective.

PS: am trying to find the numbers for primary aged boarders, and ideally how many of them are publicly funded (state boarding, Forces etc), but haven't yet been able to find an authoritative link or set of links.

Or do people need to show their love/affection in other ways? Not stronger just different.

This is a completely different scenario, but my dh and I love each other very dearly, but are not touchy/feely, (for example do not hold hands walking down the road) but are very comfortable in each others company, do not cuddle on the sofa, but sit next to each other etc.

However, a friend who is a victim of dv, and is regularly beaten by her h, has said to me that she thinks I am mad for being with my husband because she would leave hers if he wouldn't hold her hand when out in public, as it means that he doesn't love her. No the bruises on her face mean he doesn't love her.

Lack of hand holding does not mean that my dh and I are not in love.

Giving my dc a cuddle every night for ritual sake does not mean I love them, giving them a cuddle when wanted does. And yes they have been given a cuddle when wanted, I've had a call from my child before saying please come and say hi this evening as I just want to see you. I drove there, she walked up to me, said thank you for coming love you, i'm off to play with my friends do you mind? of course I did not.

lequeen - nothing wrong with the bond between my mum and me. we are closer i think than many to the point where friends have often commented that they were envious of our mother daughter relationship even now. surely attachement issues stem from much earlier parental interaction, bowlby style

meditrina found the results for ISC which isn't all boarding schools covers most of them. Sorry can't link to PDF but www.isc.co.uk/publication_8_0_0_11_781.htm if you go to this page then Page 9 of the PDF it says:

Age Boys Girls (Boarders)
6 4 3
7 103 60
8 405 224
9 734 474
10 1266 735
11 2205 1819
12 2859 2323
13 4557 3092

Found this from a statement by the head of the Boarding Schools Association in 2008: "the number of seven-year-olds boarding is just 200. There are 836 eight-year-olds".

Published MoD figures don't break down boarders by age, but there are about 5,500 families who claim CEA for around 9,000 children (7-18).

Is there anyone on here who thinks it's wise to send 7 year olds to Boarding school?

Animation: read the thread.

Swallowedafly: you may not have been responsible for the other thread, but what you are saying here is very strongly reminiscent of it.

Yes for me to do it with my children it has to be as a weekly boarder only, with breaks during the week. If the school is the right school for the child, and the child wants to go.

However, for other families, I can see the benefits for full boarding.

I'm glad someone actually did some research and produced figures.

All this emotive guff about 3 year olds having nightmares and needing their hair stroked doesn't quite match up to the reality of a tiny tiny proportion of children under 8 boarding

Good to know that if Ds goes to boarding school when he is 8/9 it will be because of my failure as a parent to bond with him. Probably one of the biggest load of bollocks I've ever read on MN!

Does anyone know anyone who was a FT boarder from the age of 7 and actually enjoyed it? Because I don't (and I know a lot of children who boarded from that age - whether those were kids whose parents were in the forces or expats or following a family tradition or whatever).

Not one of them has sent their children to boarding school at a primary school age.