To think boarding schools are an expensive version of neglect?

[WriterofDreams]

I don't get boarding schools at all. Especially for young children. I will never forget watching a documentary about 7 year olds being sent to boarding school and the fear and upset the poor girls went through being separated from their families. For what? The mums seemed to think the poor children's suffering was necessary in service of their futures. Surely it's more important for them to grow up in their families and enjoy their siblings? I don't have a huge amount of personal experience of boarding schools so I may be missing something important. I do know however know two adults who were sent to boarding school as young children and consider themselves seriously damaged by it.

Surely it's better for a young child to be raised by people who genuinely love them than by a house mother who may be kind and loving but who essentially is just doing a job? AIBU to see boarding school as a form of high class care system for the wealthy?

Swallowedafly - my children who are all on the 98% centile for height/weight do not appear to have suffered any ill effects from their love of night time sleep.

And I better you'll be horrifed with their 2 hour morning nap and 3 hour afternoon nap up until the age of 2 as well!!! RL friends were as well.

Children are indeed very different but I believe that any child would rather live with their loving parent.

I teach at a boarding prep school and at first had massive qualms about it. I still don't feel comfortable with the idea of children younger than Year 7 boarding, but many do and most of them seem to enjoy it, on the whole. In the 8 years I've been here, only 3 or 3 children have had to stop boarding because it wasn't right for them.

The pastoral care is superb. We have two dedicated pastoral care people (who also happen to be deputy heads) and we all receive training and information every term. It is far better than any day school I've worked in because the children live here much of the time. Staff really do care (I've just left a meeting where staff were visibly upset that one of our pupils has been rejected for a bursary at senior school). The chidlren's welfare is paramount.

But of course, we're not their parents.

If you'd asked me 8 years ago if I would send my child to boarding school I would have said an emphatic no. Now, with an only child, i might consider it after the age of 11 or 12 IF he wanted to.

2 or 3

Actually I've just recalled a conversation when my youngest started at pre-school, he was doing 2 days a week 9-3pm, when he was 2.1.

I got called on the second visit, as they were very concerned because he had fallen asleep on the beanbags after lunch at 12.30 and they were still unable to wake him at 2.30.

I went to get him, explained that it was normal for him, but bought him home, they then accepted that he would be asleep in the corner in the afternoon, completely unfazed by the other 30-40 kids running around the room.

YABU. I went from the age of 11 and LOVED it.

3 older DCs are nearing the end of boarding school. And they love it.

Does anyone who has a child thats wants to go to boarding school, question themselves WHY?

Also do you not feel a sadness that they want to live away from you?

you are kidding, right, mrschips (ironic name for someone who disapproves of boarding schools?)? Let me see - you get to be with your friends, not do household chores, be thoroughly looked after, go on outings at weekends, play/ride orses/climb/swim/any number of other things every evening, and you still come home 3 long weekends a term, plus half term, plus 20 weeks holiday? For children who thrive on that sort of thing, why wouldn't they?

I went because I would have changed schools very frequently which probably wouldn't have helped my education particularly.

My children go because a. I live abroad and b. we discussed at length and it was entirely up to them. DD1 went, had a blast in Yr 7 and is now finishing. DD2 followed straight after, she too loved it. DS same.

If at any time one of them had said no, I would not have hesitated to act on it. It has NOTHING whatsoever to do with whether they wish to live away from the family home, I can assure you. I have a far far better relationship with my children than many of my friends do with theirs which would have been the same whether they boarded or went to day school.

To question whether I feel sad that my children want to live away from me suggests that you are somewhat ignorant in this issue. OF course they don't want to live away from me, that is NOT what their going to boarding school is about.

Some of the reasons for boarding schools after questioning why:

Because I want to do swimming training for 30 hours a week, but mum I don't want to get up at 5am in the morning, and then have to go to school - no darling neither do I

Because I want to do gymnastics training for 30 hours a week, but mum I don't want to use up all day Saturday and Sunday and miss out all the birthday parties/social events.

Because I want to do both gymnastics and swimming mum, to a high standard, but why does that mean I can't be in the hockey squad and netball team as well and do cross country.

If you work longer hours on the 3 days that you don't come to school, will we spend more time together at weekends and still be able to afford to go on holiday

Because I want to sing in the best choir in the best cathedral in the world mum.

Because I want to play tennis at wimbledon mum, and I can go only get the coaching by having the tutoring as well.

Because I want to play with the best ochestras in the world, and I want to be grade 8 and I want to do the composing, and I want to be with other kids who understand how important music is.

Because I don't want to change school for the 6th time in as many years mum, I can come and visit you in all my postings and keep the same friends.

Because I can achieve my full academic potential and get into Oxbridge, if you send me to where I've got full scholarship/bursary rather than to the local sink school, on our crime ridden estate where I'll get picked on for being a geek.

Just some of the many reasons why a child would prefer boarding school to local school.

No I don't feel a sadness (well maybe a little, but that's me being selfish). My son has always been gregarious, and has for the last 3 years lived for cub and scout camps. I think he thinks it's going to be one long sleepover

My husband was dead set against it, until we went to the open day, where we spoke to a lot of the children and looked around the school and boarding houses, he then realised it was the best place for my son.

We loved the whole ethos, the fact that it isn't exclusive based on income and that 25% of the pupils would qualify for free school meals.

The most important thing is that he wants to go.

Swallowedafly - that's exactly what ds1 did. He slept through the night from 6 weeks old and he also slept between 2 and 4 hours in the day until he was 3. Believe it or don't believe it, it won't change that fact.

not much love talked about here though, all achievements but no loving.

It is just expensive social services.

Have kids .....look after them....full stop.

Yes chips
My son wanted to board because it was the only way he could be a chorister. He is 5 mins away and his sister is a day pupil at same school.
It is very hard! Harder than you can imagine......and it hasn't got any easier.
I am not however some evil heartless neglectful woman who doesn't care about her children. And boarding school was not my plan from birth, it happened because of his wishes and dreams and I couldn't stand in the way of them.

he's never woken in the night lokoing for me.

He's woken with astjhma, and woken thirsty, but never specifically for me.

Blimey pre school 9-3 at 2years.................did'nt you really want a child........was he/she such an inconvenience

It would be much easier for me to keep my son at home, but that is not what my son needs or wants.

How dare you suggest I don't love him

yeah because no one sends their child to nursery 9-5 at the age of 1 do they ffs

I am not suggesting anything, but you just did.

What he needs is his mum. Or do you think he is better off without you?

So you hold a certain viewpoint and will not budge from it?

Are you saying your children are not out of your sight, ever? That they never go and stay with a friend? That they never go to out of school activities? Are you going to let them go to University? Get a job? Have a life?

"Have kids .....look after them....full stop."

..just shows how little you understand about boarding schools.

I feel I have a reasonably objective viewpoint, as my DC don't board, and neither did I, but I think your stance is entirely ridiculous.

yeah because no one sends their child to nursery 9-5 at the age of 1 do they ffs

ffs .......have kids and look after them for at least a little bit before junking them off somewhere else.

My son has a varied life, school, friends, clubs etc etc...........but I am his parent so I shall care for him, not pay someone else to do it.

My stance is ridiculous.....................what to look after my child that says it all really.

But they don't go to boarding school to be loved because they know full well they get the love at home. They don't get the opportunity for all the other activities at home, but they get the love, so that's not what boarding school is for.

Yes such a terrible thing sending my son to pre-school 9-3 2 days a week, how all these nurseries stay open 8-6 from 3 months old, if no parents do this. How terrible that funding is even available for 2/3/4 year olds to go for to nursery for 15 hours a week.