To think boarding schools are an expensive version of neglect?

[WriterofDreams]

I don't get boarding schools at all. Especially for young children. I will never forget watching a documentary about 7 year olds being sent to boarding school and the fear and upset the poor girls went through being separated from their families. For what? The mums seemed to think the poor children's suffering was necessary in service of their futures. Surely it's more important for them to grow up in their families and enjoy their siblings? I don't have a huge amount of personal experience of boarding schools so I may be missing something important. I do know however know two adults who were sent to boarding school as young children and consider themselves seriously damaged by it.

Surely it's better for a young child to be raised by people who genuinely love them than by a house mother who may be kind and loving but who essentially is just doing a job? AIBU to see boarding school as a form of high class care system for the wealthy?

There is some sort of hierarchy at boarding school. The popular childen etc

If a child is bullied or 'at the bottom' it can be a hideously miserable time. I would question why a parent would let their child be treated badly by others. That is sad.

I remember their little faces. My brother and I recently talked about how different it would have been for them. How unbelievably bad. That does pull on my heartstrings.

There is bullying at every school and the thought of spending 24/7 with bullies, not being able to go home at the end of the day is horrible. Primary or secondary.

I still think teenagers need their family and they can still become have a great time and become confident indpendant adults etc... whilst living with their parents.

Apart from some home sickness, I was fine and managed perfectly well at Uni, in fact I would say because I went to 6th form college (all state schools finish at 16 where I am) and only had to be in college for lessons. I was in a better postion then some (note not all) of the private school people I met (whether day or boarding) because they had never had the free time in the day to do what they wanted, they had lessons of some form all day every day.

swallowedafly - you can't see any circumstances where it is the best choice. Sure. That is not to say such circumstances don't exist. That is my point. These topics tend to get more and more emotive, with people falling over themselves to use language like "cruel", "neglect" "non-parenting" while apparently forgetting that they are talking to real people who have real lives and who have made personal decisions based on those lives.

My personal feeling is that I don't like the idea of boarding school for children younger than around 11/12 but that doesn't mean I am arrogant enough to look at the families of younger boarders and think "Bad Parent". I don't know their children and I don't know their circumstances. Nor am I a child psychologist. All I can do is decide what I think the best thing for my own family is. Currently that is day school. I would have to be very hard-pressed indeed for that to change pre-teenage years but if and when that situation arises I will make a decision based on my own personal understanding and knowledge. And I won't assume that that decision is right for anyone but me.

But you don't have snatched times, i have vast amounts of time. 3 times this spring term, whilst your children are at school on the Monday and Friday we were out enjoying the time together. Whilst you were on half term this week, thinking 'oh i've only got a week with them', depending on when your week fell. We were just about to start our second week or coming to the end of our second week. Your 2 weeks that you'll have with your children at Easter be grateful for it - because I'll be loving the 4.5 weeks I'll be having with mine. At Christmas when you had 2 weeks with your children, I was loving the 3.5 weeks with mine. To miss out on 3 weeks now of 3 nights a week (so 9 evening baths out of 21) to have them home for over a month in 3 weeks time, is a minor detail.

Some parents don't have a choice about boarding their children. The armed forces move around constantly and it can be very disruptive to child's education and their ability to make friends.

That said, I wouldn't do it. I know parents work long hours and use childcare but I think you are still there, you can still see them every night, ask them about their day and give them a hug. Boarding school seems counter intuitive as a parent, although, as others have said, for teenagers it may give them independence and structure and be enjoyable experience.

Ah LeQueen we agree on something - absolutely no way would I ever contemplate a boarding school which wasn't at least 80% boarders.

I was a day pupil at a "boarding school" - 750 students 6 boarders, now that's not a boarding school!

LeQueen, my mind boggles at 7/8 tbh. I can't imagine how hollow that must feel to be left. Sorry to those who are doing it, but ds couldn't cope with that next year he is 6. He is so child-like!

But! but I did have a great time 12-18. And am pleased my parents did it.

But being locked in a bad position all the time is so bad ie for the bullied child. All the time someone is picking on you, maybe laughing at you. For some silly reason like wrong hair, or bad glasses or slight frame. All those things that we love and make us protective of our children. And that child is powerless.

There weren't any younger than 12 at our school. And no drugs either (suspended if found smoking). All pretty well-behaved iirc.

I feel I am dredging up a whole raft of memories now!

That is fine though Receivor if the parent(s) don't have to work full time in the first place to pay for it and don't have the flexiblity in their job to compress hours etc... A lot of parents whether state or private have to work full time and aren't necessarily able to take time off when half term falls or if school isn't in on a Friday/Monday.

A bit of a smug attitude anyway I think to say that day school parents should be grateful for 2 weeks at Easter whereas you get 4.5 weeks! I don't consider missing out on 3 nights a week a "minor" detail.

Days and days Tuesdays and Thursdays are the only two days I don't see my children. But NOT every Tuesday and Thursday, only the ones with no activities going on for me to spectate, only the ones which is school time, not the holidays. Not the Thursdays where I pick them up, because one of the exeats that weekend.

I meant Receiver obviously! (must preview first) :)

I am trying to get people to realise that boarding isn't just:-

Send them off in September collect in December, back in January collect in April, back in May collect in July.

I know once senior school comes, there is less coming out of school, and some schools are stricter about leave than others.

But the majority of prep schools (7-13) are very much come and visit, take the children home etc. It is giving the perspective of the whole picture rather than the narrowed outlook of:

Oh if you choose boarding you don't want to see your children for 'blocks' of days you don't see them for months at a time etc.

LeQueen you'll have to explain that one to me too cryptic for me I'm afraid.

Spectate - be a spectator in a sports event

No I believe I had the right word. You'll have to def explain LeQUeen.

I think there is a difference between full on boarding and weekly boarding. I'd be happy for ds to go to full on boarding, ie with only a certain number of exeats per term when he is 13. I'd consider weekly boarding before then. I think it is pretty rubbish to say that all boarding is wrong for all children.

Did anyone see the documentary a few years ago, about children starting at boarding school? Some seemed very homesick indeed. It was hard to watch. By the end they seemed to have resolved their emotional problems by becoming very attached to friends. There was a scene where a little boy's mother came to visit and another little one rushed towards her, wanting a cuddle, and she sort of brushed him off and swept her child away (only to leave him, sobbing, a bit later.)

Sorry but it was very hard to watch, especially as these were families with options. In a way a child might find it easier to understand if they know their parents have no choice

(this italic thing is rather good isn't it)