To think boarding schools are an expensive version of neglect?

[WriterofDreams]

I don't get boarding schools at all. Especially for young children. I will never forget watching a documentary about 7 year olds being sent to boarding school and the fear and upset the poor girls went through being separated from their families. For what? The mums seemed to think the poor children's suffering was necessary in service of their futures. Surely it's more important for them to grow up in their families and enjoy their siblings? I don't have a huge amount of personal experience of boarding schools so I may be missing something important. I do know however know two adults who were sent to boarding school as young children and consider themselves seriously damaged by it.

Surely it's better for a young child to be raised by people who genuinely love them than by a house mother who may be kind and loving but who essentially is just doing a job? AIBU to see boarding school as a form of high class care system for the wealthy?

So are you neglecting your child by not offering them the experience of travel, or experiencing other cultures?

Children don't have to travel to experience other cultures.

I didn't say you did WoD, I said that if we had chosen to cut back the work load, we would of done, we would have fallen into the bracket of Child Tax Credits, neither my dh and I alone earn enough to not mean that we would of had them.

The area of the country we live in, we certainly do. Be that travel within the UK or not, we would have to travel to experience other cultures.

My son may not be home every night......but he is home on Friday night and all day sat. We spend that time together and it is quality time.
I am five minutes away from school if he needs me I'm there. I sit at home and wait for the phone to call every eve to zed if he is going to call me for a chat! (he mostly forgets to call as doing rugby or building a fort or swimming in eves when he is free) if he doesn't call it is ms sat ag home upset but I know if he doesn't call he is fine not missing me and not homesick or worried just having too much fun!!!!!!!!!!
I think that boarding schools have changed Sooo much in recent years.
I am a mother I would die for my child and I love and support him. Just because I don't see him from Monday-Friday doesn't mean he doesnt occupy my mind every second of the day or that I pack him off on a Sunday night clap my hands and think me time. As a parent it was a heart breaking choice to make, but I can promise you if you asked him or any of his friends if they would prefer to be boarders or day boys that would all say boarders!!!!!!

Receiver surely you can see the difference between emotional support and material advantages? I'm sure most people would agree that having a close supportive family is more important than foreign holidays, but maybe that's also a matter of priorities.

BTW I will be able to afford to take DS abroad eventually, I'll just have to save up :)

My son wanted to be a chorister he has always sung beautifully and it was what he wanted to do. I said no for a year as to be a chorister it meant boarding and I didn't want that! He persisted and asked to audition and in the end I said he could audition hoping the school would say no and I would not be the big bad meany that he said I was for not letting him go! Of course they said yes and in the end I backed down because he was so unhappy that I wouldn't let him follow his dreams.
Although it was and is heartbreaking for me, it is what makes him happy! He loves what he does and singing his life and music is all he wants to do......I have a very very happy son that does what he loves to do, experienced things that I could only dream of and that makes me happy

But they have their parents care and attention. They have my undivided attention at weekends, and on holidays. They may choose not to take me up on my attention now that they are older, as there peers become more important.

Our lives benefited from the much more calm atmosphere than friends houses, and once our own. There is no rushing out the door when we are at home, there is no rushing from one activity to the other.

There are no laundry tasks to be undertaken, the housework is minimal, as noone was here during the week.

Back to my point the time we have together is very much quality time.

Receiver child tax credits isn't "taking money from the state" it's actually keeping your own money so that you can provide for your children. There's nothing wrong with getting CTCs.

But I now have teenagers who are very much loved, who choose to spend their time at home, have a wonderful relationship with younger siblings. Even people in RL who thought that they would resent the younger siblings comment on how wonderful the kids are.

I have teenagers who know where to come to for a chat, and still rave about the boarding aspect, and will tell everyone and anyone how fantastic the boarding was.

Communication is via mobiles and email.

swallowedAfly

is talking the total sensitive sense of someone who understands the needs of children...

There is so much justification being written about sending children away...but why at the very heart of it would you want to? WHY would you want to?

That is often the silent questtion children ask themselves and the answers are either the adult answers they have absorbed, "school is too far to be a day pupil" "my parents work" "my parents are abroad", "it makes me independant" or the child's true and sad answers "they are too busy" "they don't want me around all the time" and sadly but certainly, "they don't really love me"...

Children sent away have very few real choices about whether they stay or can decide to return home.. It is not at all easy after all the build -up going away entails, with school choices, exams, uniforms and the break from home and the gulf that that often makes ... so they keep quiet and survive. They may do this better from about 13 onwards as they learn to articulate their feelings.... but I do not believe they thrive as they would at home as the differences and losses are too great.. So they get used to it and survive and this sadly, is seen as "independence"

Well maybe I am lucky that I've never had any of my children experience nightmares.

That to me would have me more questioning what is going on in their waking moments, that is causing them to cry out during their sleep

Monday evening, tuesday evening and thursday evening (i.e. the only evenings they are not at home) they can call. They call me during the day. They email me. Sometimes they'll drop me a line saying, phone me at x time. They'll drop me a line saying, come and watch this match kick off is at 2.30pm and there I'll be on the sideline.

"Ask any of my girls about boarding and the first word they say is 'community'"

That sounds as though it's from a marketing brochure.

I agree that I don't understand how anyone can send their child to BS before the age of about 13 (assuming at that point they wantto go). 6th form - fine, it's just early university! from about 13/14 - fine assuming they want to. Before that, you are missing out on their childhood, surely.

And I say that as an evil, FT working mother. Despite that I tuck my children into bed, bath them, read them stories. They aren't at school but when they are I will help with homework, talk about their days, listen to stuff they want to tell me about their friends and teachers, begrudgingly make costumes and cakes to take in! To me that is 'being a parent'. The occasional trip to grandparents' (or night when one of us works late and doesn't get in until after bedtime) is one thing, but the general day to day parenting is why i had children - that is just my opinion though.

I don't understand sending a primary aged child to boarding school at all.

Teenagers may be more ready for it and benefit from the activities/independence/hanging out with friends etc but a lot of boarding schools are filled with drugs. Kids with a lot of money and no parental supervision. You do the maths.

YANBU. I went at 10, loathed, hated, detested every second of it. Found it extremely traumatising and have been permanently damaged as a result. I'm sure some kids love it but I think other parents are kidding themselves. :(

Ok so the choristier who wants to spend all his waking hours singing, thinks 'they've sent me to this school because they don't love me' - 'they don't think wow i'm hear singing'.

So the sports mad scholar who wants to get the opportunity to try all sports, train for hours every day, thinks 'they've sent me to this school because they don't love me' - they don't think 'wow i'm hear with all the training I could want'.

So the musician.....

You get my point.

But it was too far to be a day pupil. There wasn't a bus that did the route every day.

I'm sure my parents would have preferred not to fork out boarding school fees for four children.

And still my parents did all sort of things to give us a great childhood. Including working hard to pay for school fees.

I really have no problem with my parents. Despite people telling me I should have...