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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have you ever taken a child to a child-free wedding?

454 replies

Hammy02 · 12/03/2011 13:01

This isn't a rant about attitudes to children at weddings. Due to finances, I am having a v.small wedding (20 people for the ceremony & reception) so having to exclude lots of adults that we would rather have there. I am just worried that one of the couples we are inviting will ignore the no-children stipulation and bring theirs anyway. If they do, there will be no-where for them to sit as the room we have hired for the reception is a table for 20 only. Have you ever ignored the no-child comment on an invite?

OP posts:
southeastastra · 13/03/2011 18:38

i think it's because some weddings go on for hours and hours a dinner party is only a few at the most!

goodbyemrschips · 13/03/2011 18:40

In my life we don't do dinner parties without the kids.............or go to the pub without the kids for meals.

We are very child friendly here........Smile

Maryz · 13/03/2011 18:42

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Maryz · 13/03/2011 18:44

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goodbyemrschips · 13/03/2011 18:48

My son is 9.....nope never been out without him.

Did not go out much before I had my son, happy at home with or without friends. Or at their houses.

I cannot bear overcrowded pubs/clubs and eating places.

noeyedear · 13/03/2011 19:04

Have only been to one child free wedding- had to get an overnight babysitter while we made a weekend of it in a nice hotel- it was great but exactly 9 months later, I'm sitting here resting my laptop on my massive bump awaiting DC2's arrival Grin

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 13/03/2011 19:08

Has anyone thought about this from the pov of the child.

Go to the church/hotel/registry office have to sit still and make no noise. Then there's the meal where you have to sit still and only allowed to talk quietly. After that comes the speeches where, yet again, you have to sit still and be silent.

That doesn't include possibly hanging around ages for photos to be taken. Must be really boring for children.

I know not all weddings are like that but I'd bet that most of the child free ones are.

caughtinanet · 13/03/2011 19:18

goodbyemrschips - I can't imagine how you've managed 9 years of never going out without your son. Have you literally never been anywhere but the doctors without him ?

Has he ever been out without you? What happens when he's invited to a party by a school friend (I know I'm assuming he goes to school rather than HE)?

I'd worry about how a child could develop any sense of themself as a separate being if they are never allowed to go any where without a parent.

What will you do when he's 13 and desperate for some independence ?

TrillianAstra · 13/03/2011 19:21

So there are people who would not go if their children were not invited (even if there was a handy grandparent around to babysit)

And those who would happily go without their child.

There are people who appreciate that not everyone wants to hear/see/interact with theri child all the time, and who would take them out if they started screaming during the vows.

There are people who would smile benignly at the screaming and think that everyone else loved to hear "children being children".

How do you think the groups line up? Is there a correlation between willingness to be separated from child and understanding that your child is not the centre of everyone's universe? Or are the two unconnected? Veterans of many many weddings do let me know what you think.

goodbyemrschips · 13/03/2011 19:28

caughtina net..........of course i go to places without my son and dad looks after him.

and of course he goes to parties on his own and to pals houses etc.

He stays with gran etc but we are not the going out[pubs etc] type of couple I am happy staying in and having friends over. Is that strange?

If so then I am strange and so are my friends.

caughtinanet · 13/03/2011 19:31

Trillian - I think you have it right, there are people who just don't seem to understand that there children are not the centre of everyone else's world.

One of my DCs did a drama event recently at which different schools all did a performance. A parent from one of the other schools sat behind me with a toddler who made a noise through the perfomances of other schools accompanied by loud ssshhing and then left as soon as her child had performed no doubt happy to have seem her darling offspring but not caring less that other people hadn't even been able to hear theirs'

twopeople · 13/03/2011 19:35

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goodbyemrschips · 13/03/2011 19:37

caughtina net.....................i cannot bear toddlers coming to school performances......hate it hate it hate it............

I think the school should provide a small creche for half hour......

caughtinanet · 13/03/2011 19:42

mrschips - glad we can agree on the toddlersGrin

Its not strange to not be a going out type, I don't go out much myself but I do find the concept of a family that can't be separated a bit odd but I accept that it may be different if you have one child as the practicalities with more than one can become difficult.

mummytime · 13/03/2011 19:48

My two pennorth I wouldn't go to a BBQ if I couldn't bring my breast fed baby (or if just over the road, DH or I might pop in and out).

I might take uninvited kids to a wedding service, but I wouldn't then take them or go to the reception (unless I could get child care).

BTW our local infants used to provide a creche, but government regulation has made this too difficult to do now. But then in Germany there were a lot of small children at a Concert of St Matthews Passion, all accepted but also all very well behaved (e.g. a Mum wandering quietly at the back with a baby). Maybe Britain needs to become child friendly but also keep kids under control when necessary.

goodbyemrschips · 13/03/2011 19:51

We do separate lol maybe I worded it wrong.

I go to a photography club and family tree research club.

OH goes to the football on his own.........

I can assure you we are not joined at the hip but don't do the pub stuff and family occassions have always included the kids so we have never really encountered it.

Maryz · 13/03/2011 20:02

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southeastastra · 13/03/2011 20:11

i just think weddings always involved children, we hardly get together at all for family events now and it is nice for everyone to catch up and for children to understand their extended families

though i am seeing this from the point of view of having loads of cousins myself

goodbyemrschips · 13/03/2011 20:12

I find it odd that you find it odd..........

I just don't do pubs, thats all.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 13/03/2011 20:18

I have to say that I agree with Maryz. Your child can be your priority without being the be-all and end-all of your life, and it is a good thing for him to see mum and dad having a life that is about them as a couple as well as seeing them as mum and dad.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 13/03/2011 20:19

And pubs aren't the only option - dh doesn't drink so we don't go to pubs, but we do go out for a meal together occasionally, or nip to the local garden centre for a mooch and a coffee and sticky bun afterwards.

goodbyemrschips · 13/03/2011 20:28

dont do pubs or eating out.........

and I would not ask someone to look after my son so I could mooch about a garden centre...

We are all different.

fivegomadinthelambingshed · 13/03/2011 20:33

Goodbyemtschips, I think it was you who said I should tell my friends to bog off, well I won't and to be honest my DD would be bored stiff, playing up the whole tiem and we would have to spend the wedding keeping an eye on her, so no I am not upset that she has not been invited, she will be with friends and their children, paddling in streams if it is nice etc, meanwhile we can both make sure that nealry 3 year old DS does not dirupt proceedings to much, very brave of them to have him, and yes as soon as is reasonable he will be going bakc to freinds house. We very rarely go out wihout children and weddings are not suitable for them IMHO.

Habbibu · 13/03/2011 20:37

How do you think the groups line up? Is there a correlation between willingness to be separated from child and understanding that your child is not the centre of everyone's universe? Or are the two unconnected? Veterans of many many weddings do let me know what you think.

Well, we've taken dd (and now ds) to lots of weddings (they've always been invited) - the one where dd wasn't was miles away from anyone we knew, so dh went and I didn't (and given that it involved lots of school sports day type games, felt quite relieved to have an excuse!). Our children are pretty chilled, tend not to get too hyper and will sleep anywhere in a buggy, so it's never been an issue. I don't mind being apart from them, but always have a good time when they're with us, have plenty of fun with adults and don't drink much anyway, so it's never been a problem. I don't think anyone else is particularly interested in my children, and we make sure they're kept busy and quiet.

So - I like to have my children with me, but don't think that they are/should be of any interest to anyone else, and certainly not anyone else's responsibility. I don't think that's particularly odd or unusual, is it?

goodbyemrschips · 13/03/2011 20:37

That is cool then as long as people are happy with their choices its all good.