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AIBU?

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Original poster

Have you ever taken a child to a child-free wedding?

454 replies

Hammy02 · 12/03/2011 13:01

This isn't a rant about attitudes to children at weddings. Due to finances, I am having a v.small wedding (20 people for the ceremony & reception) so having to exclude lots of adults that we would rather have there. I am just worried that one of the couples we are inviting will ignore the no-children stipulation and bring theirs anyway. If they do, there will be no-where for them to sit as the room we have hired for the reception is a table for 20 only. Have you ever ignored the no-child comment on an invite?

OP posts:
beesimo · 13/03/2011 10:09

Gissabreak I am laid up with a badly broken leg and crush injuries its all healing ok but I am in a bit of pain as Lass1 has confiscated me brandy and port. I am very vexed that I am off my legs as I am used to being out in the yard giving me orders. I have been so proud of my girls as they have kept the jobs right but it is a queer old feeling not being at the head of it all. This Mam is feeling a bit obsolete physio is here thanks for kind enquiry

YellowDinosaur · 13/03/2011 10:12

You have very good reasons for it not being possible for the children to attend and even if the venue could accommodate more then clearly a party with 20 adults is VERY differenct to a party with 20 adults and 2 children. The atmosphere will be totally different. One would not be worse than the other but if you want an adult party I don't really get why you (or your dh) can't just tell them this anyway.

As it is you have an easy 'out' with the venue restrictions. JUST TELL THEM!

fastedwina · 13/03/2011 11:22

bigbadmummy - but then I think a bride and groom who would be happy to exclude human and her children under those special circumstances would be really, rude, up themselves and not much of a friend really. I would be horrified as the bride to think that a good friend felt she couldn't attend my wedding a the children were unwelcome.

BigBadMummy · 13/03/2011 12:30

Well then fastedwina that shows why you and will never be friends. NOT ONE of my friends has ever referred to me as "rude, up myself, and not much of a friend". Quite the opposite in fact.

Friends loved the idea of an excuse for a child free day or weekend.

They all understood the reasons and loved that we had managed to get so many of our friends there rather than having to exclude them because a child was taking up the place when the child wasn't really interested in being there anyway.

It wasnt about avoiding babies or children. It was about arses on seats.

Bit hostile in your post I thought. You might want to address that.

saffy85 · 13/03/2011 12:36

I wouldn't take my DC to a child free wedding, no. If they aint invited, they don't go, it's rude to invite yourself to any occassion imo.

OP, as so few are invited to your wedding you could just phone/email them to explain the reason why you are not inviting children. I know I would totally understand your reasoning.

thumbwitch · 13/03/2011 12:38

so BigBadMummy - if you had been the bride in Humanoctopus's example situation, you would have said - "I know you've flown out here at vast expense specifically to come to my wedding but since you've had the precious cheek to bring your DC with you, rather than leave them with your asthma-stricken DH, you can just fuck off again - I said NO CHILDREN!" - or words to that effect, would you?
Or would you have had a touch of human compassion and realised that the OP wasn't doing it to piss you off?

fastedwina · 13/03/2011 12:38

I'm talking about human's circumstances. If you had a friend who had travelled and paid a lot of money to attend your wedding and was willing to do it in relays so that one parent could mind the children while the other shared in the day - would you really be happy to shut that parent/good friend out of your wedding if at the last minute one took ill (not critically ill but poorly) and their was no one to mind the children? And if you did, then yes i probably wouldn't be friends with someone so anal bridezillalike.

thumbwitch · 13/03/2011 12:39

xpost fastedwina! Grin

fastedwina · 13/03/2011 12:40

Are you me Thumb? spooky!

thumbwitch · 13/03/2011 12:41

no Grin but I think we are on the same wavelength when it comes to humanoctopus!

fastedwina · 13/03/2011 12:46

When I read human's first post, i thought 'cheeky cow' Shock!

annabelflowers · 13/03/2011 12:49

My parents wanted a small wedding as they were very poor and young. They asked for no children, because they simply could not afford it at the reception - even with parents of both chipping in for costs. Unfortunately, my mother's mother interpreted that to mean 'no other children, but MY relatives children are fine'. So they had about 8 children there. My father's 3 aunts saw this, felt snubbed as thought that their side was being deliberately excluded and never spoke to my parents again. it seriously caused that huge a rift.

TheSecondComing · 13/03/2011 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 13/03/2011 14:33

As I've said, dh and I went to a child-free wedding - and we certainly didn't think the bride and groom were up themselves or hated children. They explained to us that they couldn't invite all the children of guests, as their venue wasn't big enough, and it would have doubled the number of guests - and we absolutely understood.

We didn't change our opinion when we saw that there were some children who were close relatives there, either - they'd been bridesmaids etc, and we wouldn't have dreamt of complaining or moaning that our kids should have been able to go as well.

caughtinanet · 13/03/2011 16:03

I really don't understand the "we are a family and must come as a package" point.

How does that work ? Do you all go to everything regardless of what it is - football practice? ballet lesson? smear teast?

Totally bizarre imo.

mayorquimby · 13/03/2011 16:12

beyond me also.
A:Do you want to come to our dinner party?
B: sure what time will me,dh and the kids arrive?
a:kids? eh it's an adult party. you know staying up late, alcohol and adult conversation
B: how dare you. do you think my kids are not proper people and can just be excluded on your demand?
A: Confused

TrillianAstra · 13/03/2011 16:35

Agree with tumbwitch and fastedwina re humanoctopus.

Agree with mayorquimby and others re child free weddings in general.

Wondering why you think your friends might possibly consider bringing their children to the wedding if they weren't invited.

Definitely think you should have a chat to them and make sure to reference the smallness of the venue and how you are sad that you coulnd't invite everyone you wanted and you hope that they won't have trouble finidng a babysitter.

goodbyemrschips · 13/03/2011 17:50

*I really don't understand the "we are a family and must come as a package" point.

How does that work ? Do you all go to everything regardless of what it is - football practice? ballet lesson? smear teast?

Totally bizarre imo.*

What don't you understand exactly that we are a close family?

AND yes we go football practise together he plays I watch.

and tennis

but no not to the docs.

TrillianAstra · 13/03/2011 17:54

So any family where parents/children sometimes do things separately is not a "close" family? Hmm

goodbyemrschips · 13/03/2011 18:05

I am talking about my family, not particularly interested in what others do. But if I was invited to a child free wedding I would just decline.

By the way I have never heard of anyone that I know or friend of a friend etc having one, I find it weird and I suppose everyone I know does to.

Janefeelsold · 13/03/2011 18:13

You can be close to your family without wanting children at your wedding though.

Before we had kids I didn't much like the dear little things and we always chose adult only holidays too. That doesn't mean we aren't close to our family.

Parents do become wrapped up in their children. They do expect that everyone else is happy with the noise and the mess and see it as the 'joy of childhood'

I didn't spend 5k on a dress for a toddler to run over the train and rip it accidently or spill food on it as I saw happen at another wedding.

southeastastra · 13/03/2011 18:14

think humanoctopus did was quite funny - honestly all these child free weddings are a bore.

goodbyemrschips · 13/03/2011 18:16

5k on a dress to pack away and never see the light of day again............

but as said each to their own.

goodbyemrschips · 13/03/2011 18:17

and yes I am wrapped up in my child he is the most important thing in my life [and dp of course][and mum and dad and bro]

Maryz · 13/03/2011 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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