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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have you ever taken a child to a child-free wedding?

454 replies

Hammy02 · 12/03/2011 13:01

This isn't a rant about attitudes to children at weddings. Due to finances, I am having a v.small wedding (20 people for the ceremony & reception) so having to exclude lots of adults that we would rather have there. I am just worried that one of the couples we are inviting will ignore the no-children stipulation and bring theirs anyway. If they do, there will be no-where for them to sit as the room we have hired for the reception is a table for 20 only. Have you ever ignored the no-child comment on an invite?

OP posts:
Habbibu · 13/03/2011 20:38

I think weddings can be great for children, but obviously it's got to be the kind where they're welcome, so everyone is relaxed, iyswim?

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 13/03/2011 20:58

I should have made it clear that the mooching round at the garden centre happens now because we can leave the dses home alone (they are teenagers and ds1 is 17). But it is part of a pattern that we established when they were younger - that it is good for us to have time as a couple, without the children, as well as spending time together as a family.

goodbyemrschips · 13/03/2011 21:06

Ah i see,, i should explain that my oh work only three nights a week and i work 3 four hours shifts during the day a week so we have a lot of time together just us when son is at school......

all day thursday and friday.

TrillianAstra · 13/03/2011 21:08

What kind of wedding involves "school sports day type games"?

Habbibu · 13/03/2011 21:10

The kind of wedding i like to get out of, Trillian...

thumbwitch · 13/03/2011 21:11

oh did you write a thread about that one Habb? I remember someone writing about something similar, the B&G thinking it would be "jolly" to have all sorts of sports things for their guests to do!

Habbibu · 13/03/2011 21:15

Mmm. I don't think so - perhaps it wasn't so unique! It struck me as the oddest kind of childfree wedding, though - more one most suited to kids. But I think it was because of numbers, though they said "you can be raucous because your children won't be there", and I found myself feeling quite relieved that I didn't have to be raucous...

thumbwitch · 13/03/2011 21:22

I must admit it isn't the kind of wedding I'd want to go to either - I hate being forced into activities like that, and especially if I'm togged up smartly for a wedding! Certainly wouldn't want children there though, well not small ones anyway, they'd probably get squashed. Mine would - he's be running in front of people given half a chance, trying to join in. Too much stress.

littlebylittle · 13/03/2011 21:23

We sort of did. Ds was nine weeks old, the wedding days after Christmas. Dd was three. No one to look after then so we declined gracefully. They encouraged us to come anyway, and we compromised at ceremony and drinks. They were completely entitled to child free wedding, we couldn't go child free. They really wanted us there, but I know we'd have changed the character of the reception with our two. So think everyone happy in the end. But would never just go against wishes or ask to. Not my party.

Habbibu · 13/03/2011 21:27

I see what you mean, thumb - just felt that with kids running around it would have looked a bit less weird than essentially a bekilted and ivory-dressed version of It's a Knockout... But everyone had a good time, apparently, so it's as well this old curmudgeon stayed at home!

lilolilmanchester · 13/03/2011 21:31

I find it really odd that people can't understand the "no kids" bit; it's up to each individual to decide what they want and the guest, even if they don't like it, should respect the wishes of the person planning the wedding/party/whatever.

Habbibu · 13/03/2011 21:36

By the same token, though, lilo, people should understand that people can't always get appropriate childcare (and that it's up to individual parents to decide what's appropriate for their own children) and so can't come - there sometimes seems to be an expectation that it'll be perfectly alright to leave a small child with someone they don't know for a day and evening - and this doesn't work for all children.

Maryz · 13/03/2011 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

southeastastra · 13/03/2011 21:50

no kids at wedding does make it dull

elphabadefiesgravity · 13/03/2011 21:57

Been out today but to reply to the publlic events thing.

I come from a family of churchgoers and it is a very normal thing to tuen up to the ceremony of weddings that are held at your local church if you know one of the couple.

For my grandmother it was an horrific idea that she not attend the wedding of her great neice. Randome old ladies from the congregation are likely to tun up even. I put a notice in the local paper infor,ing anyone who was interested of the day and time.

So it is a really wierd concept to us to say that you can not take a child or elderly relation to a wedding ceremony.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 13/03/2011 23:23

I had no problem with people from the village where we got married turning up at the ceremony - in fact, if it's in a church, I believe you can't turn anyone away - the vicar in my parents' parish certainly believed this.

However, I do agree that if children are at the ceremony, then the parents must take responsibility for keeping their child/ren quiet enough not to disrupt the service. I can absolutely understand the bride and groom being upset if people can't hear their vows because children are screaming/shouting/running amok etc - that is totally unacceptable in my opinion.

GiddyPickle · 14/03/2011 14:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Evilclown · 14/03/2011 15:04

Someone brought two very noisy and rude boys aged 10 and 13 to my "no kids" wedding and I was bloody livid.

The kids talked and ate their way through several packets of crisps and drinks during the service and then played noisily on their electronic gadgets.

When it came to photo time they even tried to butt in on family only shots to "oohs" and "aahs" from their parents. The mother said to me, "they really wanted to come and we couldn't refuse them". They had driven some two hundred miles to be there.

When we got to the reception I was astonished to find them running in and out of the ladies loos. They werte truly obnoxious and behaved awfully the whole time they were there. I was furious.

Mapley · 14/03/2011 15:29

A Wwyd?

We've been invited to a close friend's wedding on ds's second birthday and it's a no children invite. We rang them to say that we're sorry, we wouldn't be able to come as we wanted to spend ds's birthday with him and they said bring him then, we want you there.

I feel a but uncomfortable with this as I don't want other folk who have had to leave their kids at home to feel put out. And I don't want him to spend his birthday somewhere innaptopriate. I'd rather celebrate it with him. But equally I do not want to upset my friends.

thumbwitch · 14/03/2011 15:49

Is it a long way away, Mapley? If not, could you say no to the main event but toddle along in the evening? That way you can spend the day with your DS and then when he's in bed, get a babysitter and go to at least part of your friend's wedding.

FetchezLaVache · 14/03/2011 15:58

That's a hard one, Mapley- could you go back to them and say, no you don't understand, we've actually had his dream birthday party booked for months and the invites have gone out and we can't cancel it now?

Mapley · 14/03/2011 18:03

No we can't pretend about the party, we've known the date for ages and they've known it's ds's birthday since they set it. I just assumed that we'd be taking him as we've joked about telling him that it's his party and him expecting a 3 tier birthday cake every year. But maybe they didn't have the courage to tell us that he wouldn't be invited. Or maybe their plans changed. Or maybe they didn't even think about it.

It's a couple of hours away, a bit if a hike, but not impossible to go along in the evening, so maybe we'll do that. I'll ask them. Shame though I'll be sad to miss them being married, but to be honest my ds's birthday is more important to me.

I'm surprised they are making it a kids only do though, they've a six month old themselves and in our circle of friend there's 3 Couples with babies besides us.

thumbwitch · 14/03/2011 22:50

I think you are right in your priorities there, Mapley - your DS's birthday is more important. Although I suppsoe that as he's only going to be 2, you could "do" his birthday on the Sunday instead, he wouldn't know the difference - but you would knowand you have to prioritise in a way that makes you feel right.

It does seem a bit odd that they didn't feel able to tell you your DS wouldn't be going a lot earlier on...

thumbwitch · 14/03/2011 22:50

ah fecking italic thing!! Angry

PaWithABra · 14/03/2011 23:18

weddings= family
kids = family
only in englands middle classes (aspiring) would the idea of not bringing ones children to a wedding even be mooted.

this country is ridiculous