Have you ever taken a child to a child-free wedding?

[Hammy02]

This isn't a rant about attitudes to children at weddings. Due to finances, I am having a v.small wedding (20 people for the ceremony & reception) so having to exclude lots of adults that we would rather have there. I am just worried that one of the couples we are inviting will ignore the no-children stipulation and bring theirs anyway. If they do, there will be no-where for them to sit as the room we have hired for the reception is a table for 20 only. Have you ever ignored the no-child comment on an invite?

Oh bugger that. If/when DP proposes I will happily plan a child free wedding. I want a Catholic church wedding, potentially with bits in latin because im pretentious I speak latin, DPs family will appreciate it as mega Catholics, I only want to do this once and I think it could be beautiful. This will be followed by some sort of country garden party where I don't want screaming children running around all day. If my guests cannot bear to be parted from their DCs for one day they are welcome to stay with them...

Maryz I bet they'll say really cute things during the vows? Then when they run screeching across the grass so a canape bearing waiter trips over them, spilling champagne/scallops on other guests it will be his/mine/the venue's fault that Tarquin is now screeching in an entirely different manner?

I personally wouldn't want a wedding dress that isn't covered in chocolate.

But... the most important question... will I get to provide child friendly food? YAY!

Unfortunately no wedding planning yet. I can dream though :)

Wow. Half an hour late!? For that they should have to sit at the kids table.

maryz - you mean you had to wait at the church for half an hour before you went in because they weren't there? Really? Is that what you mean? I am gobsmacked. How very bloody rude of them!

thumbwitch Nobody gives a monkey's if they can hear the vows anyway. All weddings are fundamentally the same. As if anybody really gives a monkey's if they hear the vows. Most people are there for the free food and booze.
I cannot believe that the couple really think anybody else cares about hearing their vows.

I am far from being a child centred mother, but a wedding is at heart a public declaration of something specially human (??if you are just doing it for Inheritance Tax then presumably you don't bother with the party). Parties are about welcoming people and everyone having an enjoyable day, not about Bridezilla stage managing a self centred event to the extent where she has got herself into such a tizz about whether someone might bring their children that she posts on an internet forum about it. That's no fun for her or, presumably, any of her guests who might worry that they might inadvertantly wear a colour that clashes with her bouquet or, heaven forbid, tread on her dress at some point in the evening leaving a mark

The good will part of the whole ceremony (the central point of which is committing to life long partnership with another human being) is lost when a Bride- to- be can worry about such a silly thing.

In answer to original question though : OF COURSE it would be horrendously rude to turn up to a wedding uninvited (ie to bring your children if not invited) BUT I also think that you would have a happier day if you had invited them in circumstances where you appear to know it is so important to them that you fear they might bring their children anyway and if you genuinely hope they will be close friends of yours for the rest of your married life. If you honestly don't care or like them, then don't ask them.

Have to agree there - vows at anyone else's wedding but your own are quite dull. Not that screeching is any better, and I've always kept the dcs very very quiet at all weddings they've been to - that's just manners.

Thing is, happiestblonde, it probably wouldn't (and dare I say shouldn't) ruin it for you - it's unwise to plan for perfection in these things, as you've no idea whether someone will have a coughing fit, sneeze, fall over, faint, vomit, etc - eloping really is the answer, I think.

I think you should do as you like for your own wedding. Mine will be about DP and me and our love, not the wider community. Personally, I don't want children there and if people are not interested in the vows they don't need to come to the church, but the vows are the most important part to me.

well that goes against the whole "but the wedding ceremony itself is the most important aspect of the whole affair" school of thought - I think it is, and quite frankly I like to be able to hear the couple repeating their vows, especially if they have written them themselves.

it's not about perfection for most people - it's about thing going smoothly for all concerned. And for allowing people to have a good time - for lots of people that means NOT having small children there, as they require someone to keep an eye on them.

You can't really get away from the fact that the wedding is about the bridal couple - anyone who thinks otherwise is deluding themselves.

Oh, I'm now saying the vows aren't important - of course they are - it's just that most people at the wedding won't generally be that bothered if they don't hear them - because (a) it's not about them and (b) vows are generally much of a muchness. I don't care if people don't want children at a wedding, but I just think you have to not worry too much about whether unexpected happenings will "ruin" the say - because so long as you're marrying the right person, it won't!

not, not now!

Agree with thumbwitch. I think there's a huge difference between being uptight about perfection and not wanting children because they're noisy, messy and require looking after.

It strikes me as deeply ironic that someone could want to have a child-free Catholic wedding when a major part of Catholicism is the production of children. Not that I particularly care as such as I am agnostic veering towards atheism.

Because the wedding is about us as a couple not the future children we will have!

Catholicism is about the wider community.

It was just the "it would ruin it for me" bit, hb - would a coughing fit have the same effect?

I wouldn't. It would be extremely rude. I would be pretty pissed off if someone did it at my wedding.

Your wedding, your choice.

YES

So no illness either

Are you a Catholic *happiestblonde? I think you have to convert if you want a Catholic wedding.
I wonder if your dp's family will be happy to have a childfree wedding given that the Catholics are very big on family life?

I have been to plenty of weddings where the children were all beautifully quiet during the ceremony, made no particular mess, and were looked after by their own parents, not the bride and groom! I think you should do what you like, but the assumption that children ruin weddings is a bit unfair, I think.

Well, that's the thing, isn't it, hb? You kind of have to know that the thing that matters won't get hurt, no matter if a child cries, or the roof floods, or someone coughs for Britain. It'll still be great.