Have you ever taken a child to a child-free wedding?

[Hammy02]

This isn't a rant about attitudes to children at weddings. Due to finances, I am having a v.small wedding (20 people for the ceremony & reception) so having to exclude lots of adults that we would rather have there. I am just worried that one of the couples we are inviting will ignore the no-children stipulation and bring theirs anyway. If they do, there will be no-where for them to sit as the room we have hired for the reception is a table for 20 only. Have you ever ignored the no-child comment on an invite?

OP,
have a cheaper do.

Back room of a pub and home made buffet should be cheap enough. you could invite ALL your friends and their children for a CELEBRATION of your nuptials which is the point isn't it ?

Or, she could have the wedding and reception that she and her partner want?

only in england

Why should the bride and groom do that, if that's not the sort of wedding that they want, though, PaWithABra??

Why isn't it their choice what sort of wedding they want?

And GiddyPickle - sadly I fear you are right about the parents of noisy children - or the majority of them.

EvilClown - I am shocked at the story of the children at your wedding - how horrible for you.

i am not suggesting they don't do what they want. they are citing money as the reason they cant invite children or more guests.

really though they want a fancy do more than they want their friends there which is an attitude i have only encountered in england.

nice open attitude there then, PWAB.

weddings - I am so sick of people thinking that they have some right to control other people's weddings.
In the end, the ones who pay get the say.
If they don't want children there, for whatEVER reason, then they don't need to have them - and they certainly don't need to go re-arranging their plans just because of random guests (or would-be guests) telling them how selfish they are for not considering their precious offspring in their wedding plans.

oh and OBVIOUSLY if you have only encountered it in England, then OBVIOUSLY you have a full sum of experience and people who say they've seen it elsewhere, among all sorts of "classes" of people, are liars, yes?

Take your head out of your arse, PWAB.

I can't remember which poster, sorry but I was at the 14 and 15 year old nieces/nephews that were excluded from their aunt's wedding. Small children I understand although thankfully have not encountered it, but teenagers?

It was onlion

OMG, I can't believe people are seriously suggesting that the OP doesn't have the wedding she wants so that children can attend!

OP - if you think this person will ignore you, make it clear beforehand. Say "the room seats 20, if you cannot come of course I understand - we will miss you but thanks for telling me now so I know - but please don't put me in a position of having to tell you you need to take your kids home on my wedding day". I have deliberately not invited a girl DD likes to her birthday party two years running because I KNOW the mum will bring a couple of badly behaved siblings along, even if the invite states "sorry, can't accommodate siblings". I really can't be doing with self absorbed wankers people who think that they are so special that you can't possibly mean then!!!!

It isn't just money. We don't particularly want kids there. If the parents aren't happy with this, just decline the invite. Some people like noisy, child-filled laughter type do's. Others don't. One is not more correct or appropriate than the other.

I cannot believe this is still going on....but just a question for couples who do not want children at their wedding.

If you invited 20 couples [but no children] and all 20 declined because of this [as I would] what would you do then?

Go abroad and not worry about offending that they couldn't come because they couldn't afford it, cause they already turned the invite down.

goodbyemrchips, most of the guests don't have children or their children are adults. Even if they all declined, I would invite other people or just go abroad and get married on our own.

So OP, have you had the conversation with these people? Just make it clear, no kids, if that doesn't suit them that's sad but you need to know for the venue.

if you don't ask / tell them now you will just keep worrying about it.

To be sure then just invite guests with no kids, seeing as your not really bothered who comes.

Or get married abroad as you said then nobody will disturb your day.

Most of the other parents are the types that will enjoy having an adult-only day. They wouldn't bat an eyelid at the child-free wedding. Its just the one couple I am concerned at.

so call them then! explain in words of one syllable that you cannot accomodate children, very sorry, can they get a babysitter?? if not please let you know asap that they can't make it so you can invite someone else / tell venue. why keep worrying about it??!

"Weddings = family
Children = family"

I disagree.

And if weddings were all about family then the OP shouldn't be inviting this couple (with or without their children) anyway, as they are just friends, she should be inviting some elderly aunts or distant cousins instead, as they are family.

To be fair, PaWithaBra isn't far off when it comes to weddings in many other cultures - if you look at Asia or Africa in general (yes, I'm generalising), family and friends come first. You generally invite all family and friends, their children plus members of the local community etc to your wedding, even if that means a cheaper venue. It is reasonably peculiar to the West for brides and grooms to exclude friends/children etc in favour of a more expensive venue. N

I'm not saying it's wrong (although I personally wouldn't because of my own background) but it's fair to recognise that a wedding isn't universally recognised as being solely about what the bride and groom's 'big day'.

Returning to the OP, if that's what you want, be upfront about your wishes with your friends. Just don't be offended if they decide not to attend. Free choice on both sides.

SCroobius - it isn't always in favour of a more expensive venue. Sometimes it is because there is no room for extra people. For e.g. - registry offices have limited spaces. So you can only invite the number of people that the room will house legally (elfin safety/insurance). If you have a large number of friends and family, you have to decide who it is more important to you to have there. And sorry, small children just don't cut it for some people.

When people focus so much on their "perfect day" for a wedding, it rings alarm bells for me. I wonder if they are concentrating on the party on one day rather than on the life long commitment to a marriage which they want to celebrate with all and sundry..... firstly, no day can be so perfectly orchestrated as to live up to that kind of expectation and secondly one day is trivial in the context of your life which you are changing for ever. That is the big picture.

I agree with PaWithABra: it is not that the OP cannot afford to have more people, it is just that she would rather spend the money on a small, self indulgent upmarket do than on a celebration cut to the cloth of her means which would enable her to invite children too. A wedding celebration without children goes against the whole spirit of marriage where the service concentrates in no small part on procreation.

Chill out, have a less posh do and embrace the children as part of the community welcoming you to marriage. You will enjoy it all the more in the end.

Oh how very patronising!! "chill out, have a less posh do and embrace the children... you will enjoy it all the more in the end." Amazing! In naivety, smugness and unbelievable small-mindedness.