To think it would be nice if me and DP went to bed together?

[Yukana]

(I've been contemplating making this topic for a while, but after a while decided I'd go ahead with it. Be gentle please.)

Me and DP used to go to bed together, and usually wake up around the same time.

I'm not sure when it started, but now we don't go to bed together. I'm pregnant and go to bed anywhere between 10pm and midnight, but DP never goes to bed with me and always stays up until 2-4am on average playing World of Warcraft - an online game he used my laptop for.

I miss going to bed together, it was nice snuggling under the covers and wishing each other goodnight. In the morning we'd get up and greet each other, then get on with our day. I enjoy his company in the mornings.

Now I think mainly because DP doesn't go to bed until very late, it's the reason why he struggles and often makes a fuss about getting up before say, 11am, or more regularly - noon. He even grumbles when I suggest or ask for him to go to bed earlier.

AIBU To wish he'd go to bed and wake up a bit earlier? To miss it?

you made your point yesterday, quattro

banging it home repeatedly just looks a bit cruel

particularly since it looks like this 18 yo girl has been scared off her own thread

Just need to point out to OP that it is not the case that DH does not have the money to replace his broken laptop - (I think it was page 2) - he does not have the work. As in, money does not grow on trees. You get out of bed and earn it.

Okay, thought I'd give one last reply considering I'm amazed so many pages were added on to this. PeterAndreForPM Was correct as in I'm quite a sensitive person and calling me an unfit mother actually hurt my feelings. Thought I'd be bluntly honest there.

Considering people seem to want to know about me so much although this wasn't the point of the topic, I live with my bipolar mother who can't work as it's severe. I suffer from depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, and an eating disorder. I went from being a vegan of four years to vegetarian for this baby, and I am also trying my best recover from my eating disorder so I can improve my health for the baby. The baby is very much wanted, and I love my bump. I will work hard to become a good mother and to get into college so I can work up to my goal of my first degree in Midwifery.
My partner was in the army, but was medically discharged. He has no qualifications but I'm trying to keep him positive that we will pull through (he also suffers from depression) and we will get him some, although yes, money doesn't grow on trees and seeing as he won't get any support for college fees we'll have to save up. I'm behind him all the way. He wishes to do mechanical engineering.

Yes, we both receive benefits. I don't like it, but I cannot work. My anxiety disorder also causes me to worry about my baby constantly, so I bought a doppler to keep my mind at ease. DP is working hard to find a job and when he isn't at home for whatever reason I try looking for a job for him.

Anyway, back to the actual topic - I do want to clobber DP on the head on a regular basis when he goes on WoW and doesn't come off until 2-3am calling that 'early' at times. But before he was homeless and the only thing he had was his laptop, so it's the majority of what he's known. He has broken sleep often/has nightmares so it messes with his sleep, but I try to support him the best I can. I'm trying to get him to get up earlier and go to bed a bit earlier.
I'm not worried about him being lazy when the baby comes because he's had the experience of looking after a baby before and I have faith in him.

I really hope it all works out for you, Yukana. You sound very intelligent and focussed.

Yukana - hope everything works out well for you, your partner and your baby. It will all come good in the end [grin}

All the best with the baby Yukana.

Yukana - totally shocked at some of the responses you've had on here. Firstly - at all the people saying "how will he get a job if he doesn't get up until 11am/12 noon" - what century are you living in? The majority of jobhunting is internet based now - you can be applying for jobs and sending CVs etc any time of day. Some jobs eg labouring it is worth face to face canvassing but a lot of jobs and applications don't work like that.

My husband, an accountant, has been out of work since November, despite being really well qualified, unfortunately he has bipolar but it is controlled by medication and doesn't affect his ability to work. He has job hunted really hard, had quite a lot of interviews but the fact is that the employment rate is awful at the moment, there's loads of well qualified competition for any job and it's really hard to get one (the ratio of applications to available posts is insane). Poor Yukana and DP are in the age group which has even higher unemployment rates. So back off you lucky morons who don't appreciate how lucky you are to have kept your jobs during a recession and haven't had the nightmare of trying to get one now. Not to mention I'm betting haven't been in the army and served your country before a medical discharge?

Anyway, sorry for the rant, and back to to the original topic. My DH and I are both computer addicts at times and have both been guilty of staying up late at one time or other while the other goes to bed. Since I've been pg it's more often me going to bed early (9pm which is ridiculous for me!) and him staying up late. But he always makes a point of coming and cuddling me for a while, 15 - 30 min, when I go to bed, before going back to the computer or whatever. Could you suggest that to your DH? You may feel less upset then that he's not actually in bed by then.

As for getting up time, both DH and I are naturally night owls, our natural sleep patterns would tend to be e.g. 2am - 11am. When we are both working we modify that; but it is v hard to motivate yourselves when there's no deadline to get up for. Boy, I suspect (well, actually, I know) that's going to change when the baby comes! I don't know if it's really worth pushing your DP to modify his natural sleep pattern until the baby comes, or until his job hunting works out? And as I said before, I really don't agree with those who say that you can't job hunt properly if you're not up with the lark, that is total rubbish!!

Best of luck with everything and please don't let a few trolls put you off asking advice on Mumsnet (but maybe avoid the AIBU threads if this is a sample!)

Good luck Yukana I was 18 when I had my DD and left my job during pregnancy because I was so ill, and all of the doubters have been proven wrong because we are doing very well!My DH worked in a coffee shop when I got pregnant, but he finished his degree and got a good job in advertising. You will be just as good a parent as anybody else, please don't listen to some of the crap that's been said on here. Good luck, you'll be great

Quattro what a nasty bitch you are!

nick the leads to the comp,worked for me,to stop dh gambling on net,be prepared for some grief,but it will certainly bring the subject to a head and let you say your piece

Hello Yukana

Well done for coming back and posting.

To be honest I do think WoW is quite dangerous, because it's addictive. Particularly if a person is depressed and wants to escape their own world. I think if he had his own laptop he might well end up there all day.

Instead of discussing what time you go to bed, I wonder if it would be better to discuss his WoW-ing generally - as he won't have much time for it once the baby arrives? I know that sounds quite naggy but it does sound like he is on the verge of being quite addicted to it, if he waits for your laptop the whole time and is desperate for his own.

People without jobs don't deserve cuddles. In fact as of April 2012 all cuddles will be CUT! Good grief!

Op I hope you have had some good advice, haven't read through all of the thread as was in disbelief at some of the responses.

What does your dp think about the wow/bedtime situation? When I was off on mat leave I got v down and my sleep patten was disrupted; could this be what is happening to your boyfriend? How does he seem in himself otherwise?

Just read your last post!

I've bought him his own laptop from our baby fund. (£800, the laptop was £300) Although I think it isn't great, he'll stop grumbling that he doesn't have a laptop and I can have mine back. (He has been talking about it since October last year).

I let him have the money for the laptop with the condition that he tries to go to bed by 1am. I don't think I was being unreasonable but please let me know your opinions. I'm going to be easier on him in the mornings, but it would be nice if he'd stop waking me up when he goes to bed at 2-4am as I'm a light sleeper. :)

The fact he just wants to go on WoW and nothing else does bother me, but I can't stop him going on it. We met on there originally and it's his hobby. Although I do agree, from my own past experience and just in general, that it's addictive and can be quite problematic. There used to be some days before his own laptop broke that he'd only talk about WoW, and nothing else. I have to bite my tongue during those times. I'm not sure what to do in this situation, so any advice is much appreciated.

Our financial situation does make DP depressed, and I think he does use the game as a stress reliever to a certain degree. Also the fact college courses are so expensive and we can't afford it, plus the fact he is unemployed, makes him even more depressed.

He has mentioned before that when he is on WoW he will put the baby in his lap and keep an eye on him/her, but I really don't want our children to develop addictions to the game. Especially not early on. Again, please tell me if I am being unreasonable.

I'd like to see him try and do a heroic with a baby on his knee!

Yukana, sorry i dont think you should have gave him £300 out of your baby fund and i dont think its a good idea for him to be on WoW with the baby on his knee. I dont think its really helping and you have to put your foot down with the amount of time hes on it

Does he realise that being a dad has a lot more to it than 'putting the baby on his knee'?

I think both you and your DP have a lot of serious health problems which really should have been dealt with before bringing a baby into the equation.

Your DP has an addiction and I dont see how that is compatible with being a 'good parent'.

OP- given your home/mental health situation have you thought about how you will overcome these when the baby comes? Do you have a social worker atm? I'm actually worried for you that you may be subjected to social work involvement after the baby is born in your current circs. Do you have any support/counselling/an understanding midwife?

Let's get a grip, 2 laptops, no income Why is my son getting up in the morning for a minimum wage, saving up with his gf for a place of their own? The words, values and standards spring to mind.

OP with your health issues and home situation I think you need to give DP a sharp slap round the face with a wet fish. Having a baby is such hard work, if he seriously thinks he can go on online games with a baby on his knee he is totally deluded. You can't be responsible for everything, you sound as though you're going to be doing this on your own tbh when you need as much support as you can get.

Seriously, he is a grown man, you shouldn't have to bribe him to go to bed at a reasonable time and the bribe certainly shouldn't be something that will allow him to stay up even later or pay you even less attention and it most definitely shouldn't have come from the baby fund!

Why did you give him that money, what do you think it's going to achieve?

Gay40 why on earth are you being so vile? how has anything she's said painted her to be an unfit mother? it's a shame that people still make such horrible judgements about young mums!

I stand by my comment.

And also, people on here suggesting that her anxiety and eating disorders mean that she shouldn't be having a baby, what a load of CRAP. That doesn't mean she's incapable of being a good mum, if she was 10 years older you would all be much more supportive. You get people coming on here saying they feel like crap mums, don't love their babies and everyone supports them, but an 18 year old with anxiety? Unfit mother? Unbelievable.

Well your comment is absolute rubbish. How can you be so fucking judgemental?