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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it would be nice if me and DP went to bed together?

147 replies

Yukana · 09/03/2011 22:01

(I've been contemplating making this topic for a while, but after a while decided I'd go ahead with it. Be gentle please.)

Me and DP used to go to bed together, and usually wake up around the same time.

I'm not sure when it started, but now we don't go to bed together. I'm pregnant and go to bed anywhere between 10pm and midnight, but DP never goes to bed with me and always stays up until 2-4am on average playing World of Warcraft - an online game he used my laptop for.

I miss going to bed together, it was nice snuggling under the covers and wishing each other goodnight. In the morning we'd get up and greet each other, then get on with our day. I enjoy his company in the mornings.

Now I think mainly because DP doesn't go to bed until very late, it's the reason why he struggles and often makes a fuss about getting up before say, 11am, or more regularly - noon. He even grumbles when I suggest or ask for him to go to bed earlier.

AIBU To wish he'd go to bed and wake up a bit earlier? To miss it?

OP posts:
deepbluesea · 09/03/2011 22:50

I'm a bit like the OP's DH actually, I'm more of a night owl and will stay up until 2 or 3am doing stuff online (more chat than games though!), while DP goes to bed around 10pm. I like having that time to myself and I'd resent being asked to give it up for a snuggle every night, just to suit him.

Fortunately, DP and I have separate homes and I only stay over a few times a week, when we go to bed at the same time. The rest of the time I get to do everything on my own terms.

I don't think it's fair to expect someone else to change their night routine just to suit you.

fifi25 · 09/03/2011 22:51

Dont worry, when the babys born he will probably get a job just to get out of the house Smile

Just because someone hasnt got a job doesnt make them unfit parents. She said he had a job and is now looking for work Confused.

Maybe hes depressed, who knows

SlightlyJaded · 09/03/2011 22:52

"I guess the main problem is him not having his own laptop,"

No really, it isn't.

The main problem is that he needs to grow up and address his priorities.

Of course he should have time to unwind - playing WOW if thats his thing, but he should be making time for you in the evenings too

More worryingly, if he is up till 4am every night, there is no way he is putting the right amount of effort into looking for work during the day which should absolutely be his priority with his first child on the way.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but once the baby is born, sloaping off to bed together for a chat and an undisturbed cuddle is going to be a rare treat, and savng for anothr laptop will be way down the list of things you need.

I fear he is going to have a bit of a rude awakening if he doesn't grow up.

lovenamechange100 · 09/03/2011 22:52

YANBU if its something you miss doing the closeness, does he know how you feel?

FWIW DH and I often fall asleep at different times in different rooms sometimes. I slept on sofa lastnight, DH went to bed and left me there! This is normal for us we snuggle at different times. I do think I should try and get up to see hime before he leaves for work.

Sometimes DS sleeps downstairs with me on sofa - we pretty flexible.

Yes we use blankets that get laundered.

Mare11bp · 09/03/2011 22:53

HeartSkipsABeat and SqueakyToy, back off a bit will you? Just because they both enjoy computer games and one doesn't work lets not make assumptions on people's character, people we know nothing about.

For all we know they have both been hunting for work tirelessly, OP has asked for advice on a specific issue and we are not here to judge!!

OP, let him get on and enjoy his last few weeks/months independence before the baby comes if you can, I used to get annoyed with my OH on same issue (see my earlier post on Black Ops game, which encroaches into night time) but now I am just used to it, enjoy a good book on my own, and sometimes snuggle up with DP in the morning instead...

As long as he pulls his weight when the baby comes, and is genuinely trying to find work, I would cut him some slack for the time being, if you can.

veg2grow · 09/03/2011 22:57

The main problem is him not having a job not a laptop. Plenty of people have jobs and don't have a car.

How can he have the energy to find a job when he is tired from playing computer games and only wakes after 11am?

Mare11bp · 09/03/2011 22:59

Sorry not HeartSkipABeat, I meant Quattro back off.

Sorry HSAB!

SeeJaneKick · 09/03/2011 22:59

He shouldn't be saving for a laptop but for baby things.

He could get a job. They are out there.

My DH lost his job and walked the streets asking on building sites if they needed labourers.....he got a job on the 2nd day.

Your other half should go to McDonalds, Tesco, the local bars...anywhere. He NEEDS to be working.

SeeJaneKick · 09/03/2011 23:00

He was like Yozzer.

"Gis a job"

TrillianAstra · 09/03/2011 23:00

So he is waiting for you to get off the laptop, then you go to bed, so he plays WoW.

Is there a time when you spend time together, with neither of you on the computer?

doricpatter · 09/03/2011 23:01
Biscuit
lovenamechange100 · 09/03/2011 23:01

mare honestly OP cam on here to ask a simple questions about sleeping/cuddling, I know you ope yourself up especially on this board but is a really neccessary to start analysing their ability to parent, and being snipey about it.

Are you judging them because they dont work? or their difference in sleep patterns?

I dont work.
I have already stated I have differnt sleep patterns to DH
AND DH can be very childlie when playing on wii with DS

I must be a bad parent then.....maybe we should stop TTC #2

FFS some folk wann get their big jusgey pants down to the charity shop promptly.

Quattrocento · 09/03/2011 23:01

Back off yourself

If a 24 year old bloke is not getting up until midday courtesy of all our flipping taxes, something needs to be said.

Cannot bear idleness. It's the one vice I'm utterly intolerant of.

Mare11bp · 09/03/2011 23:03

Er, it wasn't me analysing their parenting or sniping, perhaps re-read my post lovenamechange?

lovenamechange100 · 09/03/2011 23:03

meant to say well put mare

Hmm shift workers must make bad parents then...and some of the prolific posters on here....never mind WoW what about MN if thats the case?

Quattrocento · 09/03/2011 23:05

I truly believe that benefits should be withheld from the workshy.

Mare11bp · 09/03/2011 23:07

I think that's my issue - people have judged on the basis of age, not working, and playing late night console games - putting two and two together and getting eight! Anyway, back to OP's quandary.....

lovenamechange100 · 09/03/2011 23:07

quattro just because some one gets up lates does not mean they are not able to look for work during the rest of teh day/night.

It does not have to be done promptly at 9am every morning, you dont knw if this person attends a weekly support group at the Job Center or anything.

Your response to OP was uncalled for.

fifi25 · 09/03/2011 23:08

Where are all these jobs that everyone says there are. There have been any 16 hr vacancies advertised for the past month in my jobcentre. Jobcentre - you will be £120 a week better off if you work 16hrs, yes i know ive been looking for work is there anything came in, no sorry nothing for 16hrs.

Its not like im choosy, i worked for GNER for 10 years and before that United Artists. Since having the kids i have cleaned, been a barmaid, worked in home bargains and broke my back in a fish shop whilst pregnant.

fifi25 · 09/03/2011 23:08

havent been

Mare11bp · 09/03/2011 23:08

Er - don't think OP said they were claiming benefits - more assumptions......

lovenamechange100 · 09/03/2011 23:09

Go and start yout own thread then quattro this ones not about that....see what response you get.

OP just igonore all this crap.

LordVolAuVent · 09/03/2011 23:09

Even if the op's DP is going to be an 'unfit parent' because he is unemployed and 'lazy', why does that make the OP an unfit parent?? Really harsh and unnecessary imho.

Quattrocento · 09/03/2011 23:13

Oh, I have broad shoulders. And I'm prepared to apologise if the OP returns and explains that they are not in fact living off our taxes but are living off the proceeds of the sale of a substantial business that they built up from scratch.

I'll eat humble pie then. But that somehow doesn't fit with the picture of a dosser staying up until 4am playing wow

Mare11bp · 09/03/2011 23:15

Then again, that's none of your business mais non? OP asked for advice not a critique of her lifestyle?