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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it would be nice if me and DP went to bed together?

147 replies

Yukana · 09/03/2011 22:01

(I've been contemplating making this topic for a while, but after a while decided I'd go ahead with it. Be gentle please.)

Me and DP used to go to bed together, and usually wake up around the same time.

I'm not sure when it started, but now we don't go to bed together. I'm pregnant and go to bed anywhere between 10pm and midnight, but DP never goes to bed with me and always stays up until 2-4am on average playing World of Warcraft - an online game he used my laptop for.

I miss going to bed together, it was nice snuggling under the covers and wishing each other goodnight. In the morning we'd get up and greet each other, then get on with our day. I enjoy his company in the mornings.

Now I think mainly because DP doesn't go to bed until very late, it's the reason why he struggles and often makes a fuss about getting up before say, 11am, or more regularly - noon. He even grumbles when I suggest or ask for him to go to bed earlier.

AIBU To wish he'd go to bed and wake up a bit earlier? To miss it?

OP posts:
Joolyjoolyjoo · 09/03/2011 23:19

Well, here I am, and DH went to bed at 10pm. He gets up at 5.45am. I don't. I don't want to go to bed at 10pm- I function best on about 6hrs sleep a night. I enjoy my space-this is the only time I get all to myself! Why should I go to bed with him to lie awake while he snores?!

(And we both work, btw- just thought I'd better add that!)

LordVolAuVent · 09/03/2011 23:19

do we even know that OP is not working? or that she's not currently on maternity leave, which she is entirely entitled to?

even if OP's DP is on benefits, jsa or whatever, he is entitled to that, we have no idea he's not looking for a job!

Quattrocento · 09/03/2011 23:20

Do you not see that the critique of her lifestyle is the best advice anyone could give? To get active and productive and have a meaning in life that doesn't involve internet flipping games and staying up until 4am and living on benefits?

majordanjarvis · 09/03/2011 23:20

Mare11bp - if the OP is living off our taxes then it is most definitely our business.

"If", of course.

fifi25 · 09/03/2011 23:21

I love the get a job at Tesco's/Mcdonalds/Bar. Loads of the bars are closed in my area 2 have been bulldozed and 2 are up for rent. Working in Tesco/Mcdonalds must be so crap no one bothers applying so there are loads of jobs there..Theres not, believe me if there was i would be working there. There was a dinner lady job at my kids school advertised on the door and 16 people applied.

Mare11bp · 09/03/2011 23:22

That's the point - we don't know she is! And it bears no relevance to the query she has posed!

LordVolAuVent · 09/03/2011 23:23

It's not HER lifestyle, it's her DPs, she goes to bed and gets up at a 'reasonable' hour and we do not know she is not working/not on maternity leave. We do not even 100% know he claims benefits. she asks about flipping cuddles and ends up being told she's an unfit parent. threads like these are exactly why MNers have a reputation as nasty bullies.

majordanjarvis · 09/03/2011 23:23

No we don't but "if" she is...

Mare11bp · 09/03/2011 23:23

Quattro - you may have best of intentions but if anyone tried to critique my lifestyle they would get a sharp "piss off" from me.

chippy47 · 09/03/2011 23:25

I think you only find out if you are fit to be a parent when you actually become one. And I know lots of people with jobs who are shockingly unfit. His late nights may come in useful once the baby arrives.

FunnysInTheGarden · 09/03/2011 23:26

Ohhhh Quattro are you Jeremy Kyle? I LOVE JK

Mare11bp · 09/03/2011 23:26

Well said LordVolAuVent. We should not be discouraging people from posting with all this needless crap. Particularly the younger mumsnetter's asking for advice/help.....

lovenamechange100 · 09/03/2011 23:31

You may or maynot have a point quatro but you are in the wrong place to grind your big axe and have put across in an unpleasant manner.

I hope the OP is still around who is an 18 yr old expecting her first child an dhasnt been deterred by this judgemental thread and puts off returning for what might be essential advice in the future.

I think it is really sad that a MN isbeing judged for a lifestyle/employment situation as I have said I am not working and I dont keep regular hours but I do not think I am a bad parent or lazy FFS

majordanjarvis · 09/03/2011 23:32

LordVolAuVent - if she wanted support and advice she should have posted on a different board. AIBU is not the place for this.

Mind you, I guess she's learnt her lesson now!

Quattrocento · 09/03/2011 23:33

What do you expect? This is AIBU. This is a bloke who can't get up before noon. I speak as I find. He's a lazy tosser. Flame me.

FabbyChic · 09/03/2011 23:34

I'd like to know where these so called jobs are. I'm qualified in what I do and after sending 20 applications initially, I now find there are no jobs to apply for.

Tesco's you have to apply online they aren't recruiting. If you want to work on a building site you need a proper health and safety certificate and the right equipment.

It is not easy to get a job and far harder for someone who has no work history.

lovenamechange100 · 09/03/2011 23:35

Here here chippy!

OP talk to your DP about cuddle time and dont think it is bad you keep different hours unless you not having quality time at another time of day. Think about shift workers, there are many and they have to organise themselves to run family and keepy relationships going.

Is it the hours or WoW or missing out on cuddles that bothers you the most?

majordanjarvis · 09/03/2011 23:35

Harder still if you laze around in bed all morning...

lovenamechange100 · 09/03/2011 23:36
Kiwiinkits · 09/03/2011 23:37

I'm with Quattro.

LordVolAuVent · 09/03/2011 23:39

maybe majordan, i have no idea if she wanted support and advice (i never said she did) or a AIBU discussion about different bedtimes. I do know that at no point did she ask anything about benefits/parenting, so these comments are unnecessary and nasty. perhaps she is newish and doesn't know about AIBU, in which case i'm sure she has learnt, but either way i don't understand why people deem themselves so very superior as to claim someone they know a couple of snippets of information about is/will be an unfit parent.

LordVolAuVent · 09/03/2011 23:40

Calling HIM a lazy tosser is one thing, calling HER an unfit mother is quite another.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 09/03/2011 23:41

Fuck me, so glad I'm not a young person looking for advice from you lot Hmm The OP has posted twice, both mentioning her DP and nothing about herself and from that you deduce she's an unfit parent to be and sponging. Will I pass you the tar and feather now?

fifi25 · 09/03/2011 23:41

Oh and before anyone starts saying they are personaly paying my £62 income support there not. My dads a manager for the NHS, mams a home help, 1 brothers a diesle mechanic, ones a spray painter, ones a qc assitant for Nissan and i have paid into the system for 17 years. When i find a bloody job i will be paying in again

FabbyChic · 09/03/2011 23:44

I worked for thirty years before becoming sick, I am paying my own benefits out of the tax I paid which was huge.

OP if all you do is surf let him have your laptop and get one for around 65 quid from eBay.

It won't work for WOW but will for generaly surfing.