Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want/expect a holiday, even though we have been a bit skint?

737 replies

carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 13:52

Basically I am really, really pissed off a DP today.

I discussed booking this years family holiday with him yesterday and completely put me off.

We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to. I am willing to sacrifice everything for a wk in the sun.

Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough. My Dp put off all of my holidays plans and asked me to wait 'to see how it goes'.

Well, it went nowhere. I usually book up quite early and take advanatge of cheaper flights and longer to pay the holiday off, get spending money clothes etc. As I waited to see how money panned out, we didn't get a holiday at all. I was furious at first, but as I understood most of our outgoings were due to my overspending I accepted it.

Roll on to this year. DP is basically saying he doesnt think we have the spare cash upfront which is true. However, I suggested booking the holiday giving ourselves the incentive and then wotking at paying it of. I have a well paid job and gets lots of regular overtime with very good pay. Dp is the same.

Now he is saying that to go away in the summer we would have to put 'X' away each month and he doesnt think it's feasible.

I thought it was all quite 'doable', but now he has put a huge spanner in the works and put a real dampener on the whole thing.

I think deep down he isnt that bothered about a holiday, he can take it or leave it, hence the lack of enthusiasum.

Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy.

So am i being unreasonable when I work all hours god sends, to expect a bloody weeks holiday?

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 09/03/2011 15:54

I spent my ML looking after my baby, not hitting the shops. I am old fashioned like that!

thetideishigh · 09/03/2011 15:54

Actually OP, as a family we don't have any debt as we recently paid off the mortgage early having made overpayments along the way with whatever windfalls came our way, bonuses, overtime, unexpectedly large birthday/christmas money from parents etc etc.

We haven't lived a miserable life to date but we've always had one eye on the future. Your husband is, it seems, the only financial grown-up in the house with an eye on the future/rainy day or whatever.

If the term of the £12K loan is fixed how about setting up a savings fund to ensure you have a rainy day fund, financial experts recommend 3 months salary be stashed away for possible redundancy, you could build up this reserve slowly and in doing so you would be showing your dh that you have changed and are thinking about the future too.

Newgolddream · 09/03/2011 15:55

IcingOnTheCakes
What?

You obviosuly disagreed with me saying I dont see the problem in OP wanting a holiday even if she was in debt - and said you had only read about these "attitudes" - and then asked me if I voted Labour. I was simply saying "no" I dont vote Labour and wondering why you wanted to know. Hmm

IcingOnTheCakes · 09/03/2011 15:56

Your right, if she was single, it wouldn't matter so much because she would be the olny one who it would effect. But she has a dp and 3 children who it effects as well. Doesn't sound like she will compramise at all, instead she is having a tantrum.

bupcakesandcunting · 09/03/2011 15:56

Well, bully for you BogeyFace But I managed to do both. You need to up your game. Watching baby sleep all day is for dullards.

"I'd probably go. You're a long time dead and there are no pockets in a shroud."

Sage words from wise auld woman Hully, there.

belgo · 09/03/2011 15:57

If the OP had overspent on a roof or other such emergency, then she should know perfectly well that it is not a good idea to spend money you don't yet have on luxuries, because you may need it again for emergencies.

And if she overspent on trivial non-vital items, then she clearly cannot be trusted to take out more debt on luxuries, which is what her dh is saying.

bupcakesandcunting · 09/03/2011 15:57

Oh and my maternity leave began 3 months before baby came along. Was not aware I was meant to be sat in the house piously waiting for bambino to show his face Hmm

IcingOnTheCakes · 09/03/2011 15:59

Newgolddream i see. Well it's because the op has a very Labour attitude imo - spend spend spend, even if you cannot afford it and pay it off later with huge interest.

expatinscotland · 09/03/2011 15:59

'Some of the comments on here are making me MORE determined to have a holiday.

I may have had some irresponsible attitudes to money, but to me, it seems as bad to be living that frugally it makes you miserable. Then when you are an old lady wahay!, you're rich! '

PMSL @ the belief that one is ever entitled to a holiday.

If I were your partner, I'd raise no objection to your going on your own, because I'd be gone when you got back.

mylovelymonster · 09/03/2011 16:02

I'm totally with Bogeyface.

You can't take money with you, no indeed, but OP has no money, in fact seems to be minus several thousands, so bit of an academic argument.

Newgolddream · 09/03/2011 16:03

icing Maybe I read it wrong but I thought OP was paying off her debt already incurred - not spending any more on credit - and was planning on paying for a holiday out of her own wages, thats what I dont see a problem with.

IcingOnTheCakes · 09/03/2011 16:03

I managed to have maternity leave without overspending. It's a really sad affair when someone cannot occupy themselves without spending lots of money.

IcingOnTheCakes · 09/03/2011 16:08

Well yes she is doing that i think but the argument is, when she is debt with thousands of pounds owed, she should be paying that off. When you owe 12k, you cannot afford a holiday.

Even if she is paying off the debt and going to pay for a holiday from her own money, the money spent on a holiday could go to reducing her debt. That is the sensible option (as her dp wants) and what most people would do, especially as she has 3 kids too. But the op is not sensible, she is selfish and me me me, not me AND my family.

bupcakesandcunting · 09/03/2011 16:08

Yep, that's me! Sad, sad, sad!

Except I'm not. I'm quite happy. Just got very bored on mat' leave, what with all of my friends and family working during the day and never getting the instinct to nest.

You be smug about whatever you like though. I find it sad that you have to look down on people for doing stuff that harms no-one.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 09/03/2011 16:09

Bupcakes, I never got the nesting thing either....I thought it was an urban legend or something!

Fimbo · 09/03/2011 16:11

I went to the Costa del shit Sol and I rained every single day we were there. We went to the beach once. Have you ever tried to find something to occupy yourselves in a foreign country when it rains. OMG we were BOOOOORRREEEEDDDD out of our skulls.

Nancy66 · 09/03/2011 16:11

If a week's holiday at some hell-on-earth resort surrounded by tattoed chavs is really what makes you happy....then do it.

thetideishigh · 09/03/2011 16:12

and I'm sorry financial rehab is exactly what you need(ed), it just seems that you're quitting the program too early before you/things have been completely straightened out.

You say you weren't bankrupt but you could have been if your dh had not stood by you and used joint finances to bail you out. You seem immature and flippant about finances in general. Without your dh I would be concerned that you'd get yourself into a mess financially.

Get your dh's agreement to a lovely holiday next year but show that you can save up for it (and please put aside money for a rainy day too)

P.S. are you putting anything into pensions/ university funds for your dc ?

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 09/03/2011 16:14

Nancy66 - that's a bit of a narrow minded comment to make isnt it - why would it be full of tottoed chavs?? Sour milk me thinks, another saucer required at table no. 7!

Fimbo - we went to the Caribbean in November and had a few days of rain - believe me after two days of playing Uno I wanted to throw myself to the sharks, lol......sadly we cannot guarantee the weather!

ENormaSnob · 09/03/2011 16:17

Yanbu IMO

pmsl at some if the sanctimonious shit on this thread.

IcingOnTheCakes · 09/03/2011 16:17

It seems it's a rare bread these days where people save up for things though. To me, saving up for something makes the thing i have saved up for much better and more rewarding. Having it NOW if i couldn't afford it would spoil it for me.

I really don't get the "I can't afford it but want it now" way of thinking. I said this a few years ago when people were getting into debt (especially credit cards) to buy luxuries. Then it all came crashing down - it was so predicatable.

bupcakesandcunting · 09/03/2011 16:18

My mum got the nesting instinct FOR me, Desperate Grin

Never got the urge to sit knitting bootees with a shit-eating grin on my face either. The only thing I obsessed over was having a hospital bag full of nice things so I spent my days shopping for nice nighties, nice slippers, nice toiletries, nice babygros, nice smelly oils, nice magazines to read.

Then I spent my time on the labour ward donning a fetching NHS gown, showing off my arse to the world. Grin

expatinscotland · 09/03/2011 16:19

'P.S. are you putting anything into pensions/ university funds for your dc ?'

Most financial experts are of the opinion that, other than an emergency fund, it's best to pay off all interest-bearing debt before putting money away for things like university.

The interest rate is likely to rise, too, OP, meaning it's going to cost more to service your debt and/or pay it off.

Newgolddream · 09/03/2011 16:19

nancy66 - since OP has only said she wants a holiday in the sun abroad somewhere - and not specified a resort - why are you assuming it would be "full of tattooed chavs"???

There are so many lovely places, I can recomend Crete.

Lovesdogsandcats · 09/03/2011 16:19

What is the huge deal about going abroad?
Why not book a cottage that is several feet from the beach, in say, Wales, would cost you less than £500 peak season Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread