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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want/expect a holiday, even though we have been a bit skint?

737 replies

carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 13:52

Basically I am really, really pissed off a DP today.

I discussed booking this years family holiday with him yesterday and completely put me off.

We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to. I am willing to sacrifice everything for a wk in the sun.

Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough. My Dp put off all of my holidays plans and asked me to wait 'to see how it goes'.

Well, it went nowhere. I usually book up quite early and take advanatge of cheaper flights and longer to pay the holiday off, get spending money clothes etc. As I waited to see how money panned out, we didn't get a holiday at all. I was furious at first, but as I understood most of our outgoings were due to my overspending I accepted it.

Roll on to this year. DP is basically saying he doesnt think we have the spare cash upfront which is true. However, I suggested booking the holiday giving ourselves the incentive and then wotking at paying it of. I have a well paid job and gets lots of regular overtime with very good pay. Dp is the same.

Now he is saying that to go away in the summer we would have to put 'X' away each month and he doesnt think it's feasible.

I thought it was all quite 'doable', but now he has put a huge spanner in the works and put a real dampener on the whole thing.

I think deep down he isnt that bothered about a holiday, he can take it or leave it, hence the lack of enthusiasum.

Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy.

So am i being unreasonable when I work all hours god sends, to expect a bloody weeks holiday?

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 09/03/2011 16:19

Desperate - do you mean sour grapes?

Not at all - i'm just very snobby about holidays and actually WOULD rather pay more for a lovely UK break than guranteed sun in some high-rise Spanish/Turkish shithole where everything comes with chips

socialhandgrenade · 09/03/2011 16:20

OP, I have a really good friend who thought the same way you do. She and her DH earn well but racked up personal debt which they consolidated and then added to with a holiday here and there etc that they thought they needed. She always assumed that as a last resort they would be able to remortgage and pay off the debt with the equity in their house. She was wrong, and they have had to sell their house. It's really easy to fall into this trap and sorry to be boring but I think your DH is right.

bupcakesandcunting · 09/03/2011 16:21

Ooh Crete. Rethymnon harbour at night. Lamb chops and greek potatoes. Baklava. Cold Mythos. attractive Attentive Greek waiters.

Heaven Grin

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 09/03/2011 16:24

Well if I do, you are definately it!

The resort we go to in Turkey is 5 star, luxurios all the way - chips if we want but plenty of other stuff too...for your information the Turks dont really do convenience food .......and to be quite honest you have to be quite well off to go there.

Tell me - where do you go on holiday then??

Here have a Biscuit just for being so rude!

manicbmc · 09/03/2011 16:25

Live within your means. I work hard. Dp works hard - probably for a lot less than plenty of others get for the same effort. We've never had a holiday as we can't afford one.

I'd rather be debt free than have a holiday and have the worry.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 09/03/2011 16:25

luxurious - just before you point out my dreadful spelling!

mylovelymonster · 09/03/2011 16:26

We're going rock-pooling in Devon. It will be fab.

manicbmc · 09/03/2011 16:27

And people who live way beyond their means, then bleat about having no money/having to sell up to pay off their debts really boil my piss.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 09/03/2011 16:27

Devon is gorgeous - we wanted to go there this May holiday but the holiday club thingy we are with was fully booked.

Rock pooling - what fantastic memories!

mylovelymonster · 09/03/2011 16:28

You don't have to be 'well-off' to go there, which is lovely.

Original poster
carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 16:28

Had to pop out so missed all the fun1

bupcakes, how the hell did you know that i was a former Whamette. lol

I am going away.Smile

My Dp will get over it.

I cannot turn into one of these posters who says well i have never had a holiday!!WTF!

OP posts:
Newgolddream · 09/03/2011 16:30

bucakes - heaven indeed, I want to go back!

We stayed in Stalis but hired a car and ventured all over the palce - Agkos Nicolas (sp?), up the mountains and Rethymnon was gorgeous!

I particularly liked discovering the shops that had what looked like loads of empty industrial sized cooking oil bottles - to fill up with the local wine. Mmm Wine

Lovely food to fyi nancy, nothing wrong with chips either if thats what you want, you snobby snob Hmm

Original poster
carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 16:30

having to skim thru this for now.

Yes I have a pension so does DP. Not uni provisions though.

Will come back later Smile

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 09/03/2011 16:31

I'm with Nancy on this one, cheap packages are hell (in my humble opinion obviously), I would far rather a bareboat yacht in the Ionian last minute or a beautiful cottage in the UK near a beach. Both of these can be done fairly cheaply but require a little more work than a package I guess.

But having given it some thought over lunch I am slightly coming round to tour point of view Carmen. You are paying off your debt and can afford to save for a holiday as well then why shouldn't you. I dislike the notion of punishment for having got into debt.

I think what rankled me what that you initially came across as being very 'entitled' and immature about money.

So I stand by my earlier advice to a degree, save save save and then tell DH that you will be spending your savings on a holiday for the family. When you get back spend a few months saving the same amount and pay a chunk off the debt. Then start saving again for next yr.

mylovelymonster · 09/03/2011 16:31

...and we managed to get the first week in July!! Only week left until the end of September. How great is that!

The bubbas will just go nuts :)

52Girls · 09/03/2011 16:32

Personally, I need a holiday after being on holiday. Not high on my list of priorities but I do understand those who love 'em.

thetideishigh · 09/03/2011 16:34

Oh Expat, trust me, I fully expected the answer to be "what is the point in thinking about that sort of thing yet".

We have only recently started to save for this sort of thing as previously we have put all efforts into paying off debt to date because it is not sensible paying interest at X rate whilst receiving savings interest at x rate (smaller obviously).

Interest rate rises presumably won't worry the OP as that's a tomorrow/dh's problem, she only deals with the here and now and by God she wants that holiday she is entitled to because she works all hours god sends! Makes you feel very sorry for the folks that work all hours god sends just to house/feed/clothe them and their family, they must be really feeling shortchanged in life.

You've worked those hours to start paying back the cost of the mistake you made and not so that you could have a holiday. You seem to want to have your cake and eat it.

IcingOnTheCakes · 09/03/2011 16:36

"I cannot turn into one of these posters who says well i have never had a holiday!!WTF!"

Well i am one of those posters who says i have never had a holiday. Now though, i can be one of those posters who can say i am having a lovely holiday this year, already paid for, and have NO debt at all (except morgage). All because i have not been stupid with money by spending what i don't have and now i am recieving the rewardsSmile

thetideishigh · 09/03/2011 16:37

That's encouraging, are they personal pensions or employer's pensions ?

Strictly · 09/03/2011 16:39

Frankly I would book it. If you can afford it with the overtime, and it would make you happy, do it. I always find those old people who die with thousands in the bank really sad. Yes saving is important, but not at the expense of living.

mylovelymonster · 09/03/2011 16:41

We did a staycation before the bubbas came on scene. Had the best week - last minute according to the weather. Took off the best week all year, stayed in 5star luxury SC accom. (our house, natch), went out to all the local great stuff. One day we went skiing at the snow dome; next day at the beach in 30oC with a picnic. Fraction of hassle/cost/disppointment of going away, but really good relaxing week, and still went back to work with a modest tan and smile on our faces :)

mylovelymonster · 09/03/2011 16:42

Strictly - ah, but the skill is in doing both!

Ormirian · 09/03/2011 16:43

Oh well I guess it depends on your attitude to debt. I hated being skint and owing money. It dominated my entire life and I could never just forget about it and relax. I have been so much happier now that we are debt-free (apart from the mortgage of course).

Ciske · 09/03/2011 16:45

If your DH finds the debt issue stressful, then clearly going on a holiday will not be as fun and relaxing from him as it will be for you. And debts really are stressful and they can be crippling to a family, so I can completely understand his concern. And so should you.

You're being a bit childish looking at this from an angle that everyone who saves before spending is a sour prune with a joyless life. Of course shouldn't deny yourself every bit of fun until the debt is paid. But you do need to be sensible and work through the figures with your DH. Go through your monthly income and outgoings, understand what needs to be set aside to pay off debt and what will be your holiday/fun budget. Then save the money before you spend it. You two clearly have opposing views with regards to money so compromise and make sure you both feel comfortable with the outcome. That's what adults do.

By the way, I do worry that with a loving husband and three children, you consider a week in the sun your only 'fun' time and the whole year is ruined if you cannot go. Surely there's a lot of fun to be had in the other 51 weeks as well?

IcingOnTheCakes · 09/03/2011 16:46

Strictly yes i agree with what you said but it doesn't sound like the op is even in the position to save. Surely any "spare" money used to save with should be going towards paying off her debt?

What about her dp in all of this? What about what he wants? It is amazing how many are saying to book the holiday, even though her dp has stated he doesn't want to. Would it be different if it was her dp who had made the debt and still wanted the holiday, even though she didn't? I bet people would be shouting LEAVE HIM if it were the other way around.

Imo, if she books this hoilday this year without any comprimise with her dp, the relationship is doomed.

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