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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want/expect a holiday, even though we have been a bit skint?

737 replies

carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 13:52

Basically I am really, really pissed off a DP today.

I discussed booking this years family holiday with him yesterday and completely put me off.

We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to. I am willing to sacrifice everything for a wk in the sun.

Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough. My Dp put off all of my holidays plans and asked me to wait 'to see how it goes'.

Well, it went nowhere. I usually book up quite early and take advanatge of cheaper flights and longer to pay the holiday off, get spending money clothes etc. As I waited to see how money panned out, we didn't get a holiday at all. I was furious at first, but as I understood most of our outgoings were due to my overspending I accepted it.

Roll on to this year. DP is basically saying he doesnt think we have the spare cash upfront which is true. However, I suggested booking the holiday giving ourselves the incentive and then wotking at paying it of. I have a well paid job and gets lots of regular overtime with very good pay. Dp is the same.

Now he is saying that to go away in the summer we would have to put 'X' away each month and he doesnt think it's feasible.

I thought it was all quite 'doable', but now he has put a huge spanner in the works and put a real dampener on the whole thing.

I think deep down he isnt that bothered about a holiday, he can take it or leave it, hence the lack of enthusiasum.

Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy.

So am i being unreasonable when I work all hours god sends, to expect a bloody weeks holiday?

OP posts:
Desperateforthinnerthighs · 09/03/2011 15:40

That'll be me, Carmen and Bupcakes then, lol Grin - am sure I have a water gun somewhere.

GypsyMoth · 09/03/2011 15:42

watch out for those threatened airline strikes/volcanic ash.....wouldnt want you 3 getting stuck over there now would we!! Grin

Bogeyface · 09/03/2011 15:42

I want
I want
I want

Hmm

What you need is a course in money management and to stop being so stroppy and demanding. You are insulting your DH in no small way by implying that he is being mean and tight about this. Perhaps, just perhaps, he actually knows better than you about this and you should try listening to him? After all, he isnt the one who over spent, but presumably he agreed to the consolidation loan and therefore took your debt on as his own despite not doing a thing to create it. Can you really blame him for being uber sensitive to the possibility of it happening again and going out of his way to make sure it doesnt? He wants you to save because you cant be trusted with any form of credit, and spending money you dont have by booking a holiday you cant yet pay for, is a form of credit as you are committing future earnings to it.

Tantrums are not attractive, and accusing him of "spoiling" this for you is possibly one of the most whiniest childish things I have ever heard from a grown woman!

From his pov you over spent, expected his support in consolidating it and rather than doing everything you can to pay it back and therefore remove some of the stress it must have caused him, you want to start spending again! Not "sorry for this situation, I will put my overtime to the loan so it is gone alot quicker" but "I WANT A HOLIDAY AND YOU WONT LET ME HAVE ONE. I WANT ONE! I DESERVE ONE AND YOU ARE A BIG FAT MEANY" *stamps foot and goes off in a strop...........

PErhaps you should be saving for the divorce!

FabbyChic · 09/03/2011 15:43

You are being unreasonable, a holiday is a luxury you have no automatic right to one.

You are still talking 3 or 4 grand. That is a huge chunk of money.

nikki1978 · 09/03/2011 15:43

Tbh I am not sure why you have bothered posting in AIBU since you are only accepting the views of those who agree with you. I would be more concerned about how your DH will react if you just go and book a holiday anyway Hmm. Hope you manage to convince him anyway. I would love a holiday this year but it is not to be sadly. Next year I hope....

bupcakesandcunting · 09/03/2011 15:43

"When you have debt, especially debt in the thousands, you cannot afford any luxuries. End of."

What about mortgages? Because by dint of ours, we are about £98K in debt.

Oooooooh shit...

FabbyChic · 09/03/2011 15:44

Great post Bogey!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 09/03/2011 15:45

There is every point in having £20k in the bank if you are in a position to do so.

OP I find your attitude to money bizarre.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 09/03/2011 15:45

Gawd, believe it or not when the volcanic ash situation struck last year we were in..............TENERIFE

A 7 night holiday turned into 18 nights - it was bloody fantastic!! We are going back in May Hmm

IcingOnTheCakes · 09/03/2011 15:45

Agree with Bogeyface.

bupcakesandcunting · 09/03/2011 15:46

Can all of the holiday naysayers bore off now please? Carmen is going on holiday, she is NBU, the end.

Carmen, to put you in the Grin

Newgolddream · 09/03/2011 15:47

*IcingOnTheCakes - When you have debt, especially debt in the thousands, you cannot afford any luxuries. End of.

I have read about these attitudes but thought maybe it was paper talk. Do you vote Labour by any chance?*

No, why?

IcingOnTheCakes · 09/03/2011 15:48

Well obviously a morgage isn't the same is it. That is a long term investment where at the end hopefully you own a house.

I very much doubt the 12k debt the op has is for anything longterm. Sounds like it was for now now now!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 09/03/2011 15:49

bupcakes - I don't think there are many naysayers on here. Only people saying that if you can't afford something then you can't have it. Clearly you can afford your holiday, whereas carmen can't afford hers so you aren't in the same position.

I love holidays, and we go away at least once every year. But we save up, and don't spend on holidays to the point where we have no savings and need to run up credit card bills.

IcingOnTheCakes · 09/03/2011 15:49

no, why?

What?

bupcakesandcunting · 09/03/2011 15:49

You don't know why the OP got into debt (AFAIK) Could have been to buy a new roof or something. Stop being so judgy sheeeeesh...

Chil1234 · 09/03/2011 15:50

It's not whether Carmen is U for wanting a holiday or for wanting to spend money she clearly doesn't have. If she was a sole operator, she could do what the heck she liked because the only comebacks would be on herself. But, in this case, there is a 'DP' who is obviously very uncomfortable at the idea of taking on more credit for the purpose. This is a relationship issue therefore... reconciling two polar opposite attitudes to debt and risk. The 'stuff it, I'm spending it and I'm going' approach is really not going to make that relationship stronger. Quite the opposite, I would think. There has to be some kind of compromise.

"When money goes out of the door, loves flies out of the window"

Bogeyface · 09/03/2011 15:51

Mortgages are a housing cost, the same as rent. We are talking about personal debt which is a different thing, any financial advisor will tell you that!

Bogeyface · 09/03/2011 15:51

bupcakes She admitted it was because she overspent on her maternity leave, I am sure if it was for a new boiler or to repair the roof then she would have said so!

IcingOnTheCakes · 09/03/2011 15:51

Could have been yes - but if it was, i think she would have been on here saying the debt was for cannot live without things like a roof! But she hasn't has she, so i doubt it.

LIZS · 09/03/2011 15:52

Why bother to ask AIBU ? if she doesn't want to hear the other side of the argument. Confused Mortages ar eidneed debt but secured so, in vast majority of cases, the asset could be sold to recover it. Consolidated loans are usually unsecured and at high interest rates.

bupcakesandcunting · 09/03/2011 15:53

I overspent on my maternity leave. Overspent DH's money but overspent nonetheless. Wasn't a lot else to do really. I suppose I should have been handweaving nappies and making tit-milk lattes for all of my visitors, really.

Anyhow. Carmen. Tankini or bikini?

Ormirian · 09/03/2011 15:54

I guess your DH doesn't want to struggle in order to afford something that he doesn't value as much as you do. I can see his POV.

mylovelymonster · 09/03/2011 15:54

Mortgage is different. It is secured against the property. If you don't pay it, the lender seizes the tangible asset. Unsecured debt is different.

If you can't afford it, can't/won't pay for it, you can't have it. No-one owes it to you.

I'm surprised no-one's shouted TROLL yet.

Hullygully · 09/03/2011 15:54

yes

no

yes

no

I'd probably go. You're a long time dead and there are no pockets in a shroud.