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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want/expect a holiday, even though we have been a bit skint?

737 replies

carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 13:52

Basically I am really, really pissed off a DP today.

I discussed booking this years family holiday with him yesterday and completely put me off.

We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to. I am willing to sacrifice everything for a wk in the sun.

Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough. My Dp put off all of my holidays plans and asked me to wait 'to see how it goes'.

Well, it went nowhere. I usually book up quite early and take advanatge of cheaper flights and longer to pay the holiday off, get spending money clothes etc. As I waited to see how money panned out, we didn't get a holiday at all. I was furious at first, but as I understood most of our outgoings were due to my overspending I accepted it.

Roll on to this year. DP is basically saying he doesnt think we have the spare cash upfront which is true. However, I suggested booking the holiday giving ourselves the incentive and then wotking at paying it of. I have a well paid job and gets lots of regular overtime with very good pay. Dp is the same.

Now he is saying that to go away in the summer we would have to put 'X' away each month and he doesnt think it's feasible.

I thought it was all quite 'doable', but now he has put a huge spanner in the works and put a real dampener on the whole thing.

I think deep down he isnt that bothered about a holiday, he can take it or leave it, hence the lack of enthusiasum.

Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy.

So am i being unreasonable when I work all hours god sends, to expect a bloody weeks holiday?

OP posts:
bupcakesandcunting · 09/03/2011 15:19

So, this house in Turkey...

Grin

P.S was joking about Benidorm. Would not be caught dead.

bemybebe · 09/03/2011 15:21

"No point i having £20,000 in the bank."
Grin The way you sound, no risk of that either Carmen.

Anyway, I wish you all the luck with the holiday and your family (absolutely seriously). It sounds like still a teenager at heart, which to me means you may be show-offy now, but you will think what sense others have said here. Smile

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 09/03/2011 15:21

Bupcakes, what can I say....Luxury all they way baby - 5 star resort, gated community, small aqua park for the kiddies, loads to do, private beach!

If anyone wants a hol home Turkey is the place to buy, and before they join the EU if you want a bargain!!

Go on, add to those mortgages/debts, I dare ya Wink

Bupcakes though, Benidorm IS nice! Not all Kiss me Quick hats

mosschops30 · 09/03/2011 15:21

carmen i was just going to post something similar, i see so many dreadful things in work that it makes me want to take every opportunity i can.
I wouldnt go into massive debt for things, but i also wouldnt worry about clearing a credit card or loan before having a holiday.
You sound similar to me, i have a small amount on credit card, as does dh, and we both have car loams. However we wouldnt dream of not having our family holiday to pay off our cards (which are 0%) or car loan. Those things come out of our monthly wages and what we have spare pays for our holiday.

Imho holidays as a family are very important, its the only time we spend quality time together and all have a well deserved break.
Sometimes you just need to live a little Smile

bupcakesandcunting · 09/03/2011 15:22

So, Carmen...

Give me your criteria. I will show you what I do best and find you a loverly holliday wiv awl sun and Germans.

belgo · 09/03/2011 15:23

If you don't have the money to pay for a holiday now, then you would be foolish to book up a holiday. Especially considering you have debts that still need to be cleared, following bad spending habits.

Save first, then book a holiday.

Jobs and overtime are NOT guaranteed, however secure you think they are. More emergency costs could come up like you have experienced in the past.

You should listen to your dh, he speaks sense.

Original poster
carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 15:23

Desperate, I know. We go every year.Grin Except last yr obviously(and ?this one,lol).

It's somewhere we were looking at to buy once our mortgage has finished. Not many years left on it really.

You are lucky. l love it. Smile

OP posts:
carriedababi · 09/03/2011 15:23

Desperateforthinnerthighs, whats the beach like there is it sandy or shingle? in turkey i mean

Original poster
carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 15:24

Mosschops, thanksGrin

Think you do the same job as me???

OP posts:
Desperateforthinnerthighs · 09/03/2011 15:25

MY FIL died a few years ago.....had loads in the bank (he loved holidays but his wife didnt so they didnt go) and he had lots of regrets...when he was better he was going to go on holiday, cut down on work, spend more time with grandchildren............a very bitter man and so very sad!!!

We are a long time dead.

Chil1234 · 09/03/2011 15:26

". No point i having £20,000 in the bank"

Maybe not £20k but have you ever sat down and worked out how long your family would be able to keep running its current lifestyle and paying the bills if one of you were to suddenly lose their job or become too ill to work? On average in the UK it's just three weeks - which isn't long at all. Good advice is not only to keep debt down to an easily manageable amount but to have three to six months' outgoings saved in an account as a rainy day fund.

Newgolddream · 09/03/2011 15:26

If the OP says she can afford it - despite having debt - I dont see what the big problem is, and people saying she cant afford it. Its completely unrealistic to think that life should be on hold whlist debt is getting paid off, and its a bit OTT to say people should be ashamed of debt really.

Im looking forward to my week in France, booked but not completely paid for yet - I will use a credit union loan to pay the balance. I save regularly with my local credit union and then you can get loans (with tiny APRs) based on your "shares" - and when you pay back the loans some momey goes to building up your shares, yes its technically debt - but (a) I can afford it and (b) Im saving at the same time. Does this make me irresponsible financially??

risingstar · 09/03/2011 15:28

fgs, book a week off work. agree with dp that you will book a last minute bargain the week before, using only money that you actually have at that point.

win all round

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 09/03/2011 15:28

Carried - our beach is man made so it is sandy - not sure about the other beaches in Turkey to be honest, the only other one we walked along was sort of a mixture of the two but mainly sandy. We are on the Aegean Sea and not the Med - so lovely

Carmen, go for it - the prices are (or were when we bought) really good - we would get nothing like that in the UK for the money we spent. We plan to rent it out to our holiday club when we are not using it and as we get older we will go there more and more. Course there are rates and community fees etc to pay but to us it is sooo worth it! Better than a tit job any day of the week Grin

bupcakesandcunting · 09/03/2011 15:29

Don't tempt me, Desperate Envy

I am sure Benidorm has its, erm, charms. Grin Actually, best holiday I ever had was aged 20, group of 20 of us went on a week's all inclusive to TORREMOLINOS (oh God) in DECEMBER (oh God even more) It was full of the blue-rinse brigade, tacky and cold but it was SUCH a laugh because we were a big group of mates. Plus, Torremolinos had a lovely town and we went to Gibraltar and bought some fags and that.

And I paid for that out of my student grant.

Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha!

mylovelymonster · 09/03/2011 15:29

I think, FWIW if anything at all, that you should curb your spending, get out-goings under control, commit to saving so much a month, then book something fabulous.
Get a fantastic late deal. Keeps everyone happy?

Also, I think holidays are incredibly important, but falling out over money isn't. Surely it doesn't matter how much you earn if it goes straight out of the account on extravagant expenditure?

LIZS · 09/03/2011 15:29

Consolidated debt is still debt - prioritise paying that off, maybe use "your" holiday money to budget to pay it off early and save interest long term. Sorry I'm with your dh - you'd have to be able to pay it off in one hot 10 weeks before. Look seriously at your finances and see if you can realistically save it over the next 2-3 months. If you cannot do so then you have to rethink whether you a) downscale your ideas, maybe stay in UK, but at least have a break within the amount you could save up between now and then or b) don't go anywhere until the debt is paid off then start with a clean slate.

Original poster
carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 15:31

bupcakes you are so funny!

you and desperate have cheered me up!!

OP posts:
IcingOnTheCakes · 09/03/2011 15:31

"So i could owe ten grand instaed of twelve"

I would assume you would pay less interest? Plus the debt would be paid off quicker.

We are going on holiday this year, the first one for me ever. I have never been able to afford it but my dh has been lots of times (before we were together). Since we have been together though, other things have just been more important then a holiday. We have just had days out with kids which is lovely.

I guess it depends what sort of person you are. Some people cannot live without holidays no matter what. Odd to me but there you go.

IcingOnTheCakes · 09/03/2011 15:36

"If the OP says she can afford it - despite having debt - I dont see what the big problem is, and people saying she cant afford it."

When you have debt, especially debt in the thousands, you cannot afford any luxuries. End of.

I have read about these attitudes but thought maybe it was paper talk. Do you vote Labour by any chance?

exhaustednurse · 09/03/2011 15:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 09/03/2011 15:37

My hubby was like that when I met him....."we are not holiday people" was his motto................he bloody is now!!

Carmen, so glad I have helped cheer you up a bit xx

Hammy02 · 09/03/2011 15:39

I've been wondering how so many people are still going on holiday when there are hundreds of thousands of jobs being lost. Now I know.

GypsyMoth · 09/03/2011 15:39

my mum and dad were holiday reps together in Torremolios,and then Fuengirola......they were in their 50's working for Airtours golden oldies holidays and teaching dancing,doing excursions etc.....dad was always taking some over excited golden oldie to Malaga hospital with a broken something or other......

me and my then dh took the dc for a cheapy holiday with them,parents swung it with the manager...my god....these oldies knew how to party!! at 3 am they were running up and down corridors causing mayhem with the kids water guns we had left outside our door!!! had to tell them off for being noisy!

bupcakesandcunting · 09/03/2011 15:40

Well, in every asylum there is but one (or two) sane voice Wink

Listen seriously now. You can't spend your life flagellating yourself because you got into a bit of debt, which you are now paying off. If you were out of control and in shit I would be giving you different advice. You seem to have a handle on things. You can't spend your life worrying about "what ifs". I am all for living for now, after seeing three close people die within six months of one another and seeing my Grandpa on death's door. I want to give my DS good times whilst I can.I might not be able to do it in a few years, for whatever reason.
FWIW, I live withoutn a car and walk most places. If I had a car, petrol and insurance and tax would cost the same as a holiday. I choose a holiday instead :)