To want/expect a holiday, even though we have been a bit skint?

[carmenelectra]

Basically I am really, really pissed off a DP today.

I discussed booking this years family holiday with him yesterday and completely put me off.

We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to. I am willing to sacrifice everything for a wk in the sun.

Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough. My Dp put off all of my holidays plans and asked me to wait 'to see how it goes'.

Well, it went nowhere. I usually book up quite early and take advanatge of cheaper flights and longer to pay the holiday off, get spending money clothes etc. As I waited to see how money panned out, we didn't get a holiday at all. I was furious at first, but as I understood most of our outgoings were due to my overspending I accepted it.

Roll on to this year. DP is basically saying he doesnt think we have the spare cash upfront which is true. However, I suggested booking the holiday giving ourselves the incentive and then wotking at paying it of. I have a well paid job and gets lots of regular overtime with very good pay. Dp is the same.

Now he is saying that to go away in the summer we would have to put 'X' away each month and he doesnt think it's feasible.

I thought it was all quite 'doable', but now he has put a huge spanner in the works and put a real dampener on the whole thing.

I think deep down he isnt that bothered about a holiday, he can take it or leave it, hence the lack of enthusiasum.

Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy.

So am i being unreasonable when I work all hours god sends, to expect a bloody weeks holiday?

I don't yet have the money for the holiday I booked. But what I have booked would cost me £25 if I needed to cancel due to unforseen circumstances. I am very lucky in the way that the Belgian pay structure works - as in May, DH and I both get 85% of a months pay on top of our wages. So that is my holiday budget. I don't physically HAVE that money yet, but as in the case of the OP I know it is coming as long as I don't get sacked in the meantime.

Thanks for the breakdown Portofino!

In that case I just think the OP should save the money before she books anything. Just so her DH is not stressed out and will actually look forward to the holiday too. Maybe if she starts making headway with her overtime, he will start to see it is feasible and be more positive about it. I do not think OP should be upset with him about it, he is being sensible.

Last year was tough, but things are improving now.
My partner is cautious and I agree with the reasons why. HE will always be cautious though! And unless we suddenly win the lottery he will always um and ahh about a holiday!! He always has done.

Portofino, you have nailed it exactly.

LDNmummmy I CANT wait till i have the cash upfront, as that would be just before I literally go! I ahve very restricted wks off work.

I wanted to book upfront, pay deposit and pay rest with money that I know is coming. unless, like portofino says, i get sacked between now and then.

You don't even have to get sacked. You just have to have 'unexpected expenses', the same unexpected expenses that somehow keep cropping up. You have no buffer.

Porto: "There was a sensible discussion at the beginning about whether this was a good idea or not. Then the money police started off. Apparently if you owe a penny to anyone it is not allowed to go on holiday. This seemingly coming from people who have paid off THEIR mortgages."

Porto, the OP HAS had holidays - staycations, camping, just not the foreign holiday in the sun. She is hardly hard done by.

I would be more sympathetic to the OP if she only had mortgage debt and not personal debt. I don't think you need to be mortgage free to go on a holiday. I do think the OP can work harder towards clearing off the personal debt first before insisting on foreign holidays. She could also give up her smaller holidays in favour of one big foreign one a year, but that is beyond her.

blueshoes, now THAT is a fair point. I totally agree with that. It's all this grilling about the exact terms of the endowment policy etc that I take issue with.

Your first point I meant. The OP wasn't claiming to be hard done by as I recall. She can afford to pay all her outgoings and save for a holiday.

The point was "the OP CAN afford a holiday - she just needs to save some money towards it - which she CAN do. But she gets a better deal if she books it now rather than saves the money first. This makes her DP slightly uncomfortable."

What you are saying is that is in UNACCEPTABLE to have personal debt. If you have debt, even if all parties are happy, it is A BAD THING!

blueshoes, so you would be sympathetic if i only had a mortgage and no personal debt. Gee thanks.

Feel like a criminal for having a bank loan plus holiday.

To say the comments on her are OTT is an understatement.

Even my own DP wouldnt grill me or overanalyse to this degree.

I don't think it is unacceptable to have personal dept personally but i do think it is silly to be paying the maximum interest on debt when you could be paying more off thus reducing the interest. My issue was the op doesn't seem to care that she is throwing money away on interest in favour of having a holiday this year. Seems silly to me but hey ho - we are all different i suppose.

Blueshoes, you sound like a bank mangager

You think that I could work harder to clear my personal debt first? Anyone would think you were personally responsible for authorising my holiday!!

I don't agree with personal debt because the interest rate is uxurious. It is evidence of living beyond your means, spending more than you earn. Fine, if you have no choice, but the OP has a choice.

If you have personal debt, you just get used to it and think that is normal. It is not.

Blueshoes, I fear you would spontaneously combust if you were party to my financial circumstances.

You are responsible for yourself, carmen. Look where that has got you.

Um Carmen has her mortgage nearly paid off, and a small loan. I bet there are 100s of MNetters who would KILL to be in that situation. Me included!

I dont think anyone has been smug on this thread-I think we all have differing standards of what we are comfortable with financially.

I have been there- in debt,no savings and praying that the £10 cheque I wrote for petrol before payday
doesnt clear early.
All because I spent a little too much -nothing major -just drip,drip,drip .
I worked my backside off to pay it back and never ever want to be in that situation again-Nothingis worth it .

My car is 11 years old ,I budget for food and wont be going on holiday this year but Im not one step way from financial ruin either. I can sleep at night and that to me is priceless .

Porto, from your vantage point, you would kill to be carmen. From my vantage point, I am wondering why she even has any debt at all?

A loan as small at that could be decimated easily through overpayments if she and her dh earned as much as she says.

No icing, I dont care if I am throwing my 'interest' money away on a holiday. Not one jot. I would care if i was throwing the repayment money or the gas money on a holiday yes, but not the 'overpayment' money. The overpayment i will never make.

And the reason that i dont care is because i know that even with my mortgage, my endowment, my loan, the amount that i owe is still less than the vast majoity of posters on thread.

I know this, because no one has honestly answered me- well one or two have, but tht's it. I haven't seen any specific figures thrown at me though! And thats in spite of me being grilled about what I owe and when I took this out, or that out.

I am still waiting for some people to put their hands up and admit that they owe more than 50k( my max total that i owe)and confess that they do indeed actually have holidays .

And thats me done!

I am gonna dream about bloody overpayments tonight1 My head is hurting.

Hopefully Carmen you have learnt a lesson about not exposing the innards & details of your finances on the Internet.

tbh, I reckon yabu to even ask... because it comes down to complicated personal risk comfort zones between you & your DH & none of us can say what you should feel. He is more careful, you are more carefree. Neither attitude is always right or wrong.

My gut feeling is that you ought to go this year but only after making very careful plans about getting yourselves on better financial footing, probably give yourselves a two year timescale to achieve that (about when you'll want to plan your next abroad holiday).

blueshoes, but that is YOUR choice. It is not down to you to make moral judgements about how we spend our money. You can tut all you like in the background and feel happy that you did it differently.

Of course OP could have overpaid on her mortgage. She didn't want to. That is up to her!

Porto, I simply disagree with the way Carmen spends her money. It is not necessarily a moral judgment. Her way carries certain consequences, as does mine.

Our morgage is a 25 year one, we pay around £300 a month more then we have to on it - because we can afford to and it doesn't make us short. So ours will be paid off quicker.

It is niether here nor there whether someone owes more then 50k or not on a morgage. Most take 25 years and with a payment plan, it is payed off in that time. Plus they could only be 5 years into the repayments and have 20 years to go. So i can't see why someone having a morgage is an issue here anyway?

Carmen why did you start this thread anyway? If you are earning good money and have a low morgage and a low debt and seem to have everything so sorted then what is the problem?

Carmen I do sympathise with you. My DH is really sensible with money, has no personal debt to speak of and always saves up in advance for things. I'm the feckless one, I earn more than him, work really hard and love expensive handbags, jewellery and holidays. I do get annoyed with him when he puts his foot down about joint expenses.

I have about 8k of personal debt outwith mortgage. I'm ashamed and embarassed, but earn shedloads, work really hard, and can't give up treating myself.

We have been putting off ttc as I want to be SAHM and obviously need to pay off my debts to do this. I'm so desperate for a child I sat and did the maths, even though it scared me. It turns out I can afford to pay it all off within a year if I limit my spending severely, so that is what I am doing.

I do see totally where you're coming from with wanting treats, working hard, deserving it - but it sounds like you are in denial. Have you tried to make a plan to pay off your debts quicker? Would it make your DP happy to know that you are, as a couple, on top of things?

You don't believe in yourself that it's possible to save - you could have saved for a hol before now, it's March, quite late to start saving. You don't have to listen to posters on here, but you do need to listen to your DP and if he's concerned, you owe it to him and yourself to get straightened out. Debt isn't just for millionaires and paupers, it can screw up lives at every level.

Can you tell us the only figure any of us on Herr would benefit from knowing - the amount of your personal debt? I'm unclear whether it's £1k, 10k or £30k and it makes a huge difference morally, practically and financially.