To want/expect a holiday, even though we have been a bit skint?

[carmenelectra]

Basically I am really, really pissed off a DP today.

I discussed booking this years family holiday with him yesterday and completely put me off.

We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to. I am willing to sacrifice everything for a wk in the sun.

Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough. My Dp put off all of my holidays plans and asked me to wait 'to see how it goes'.

Well, it went nowhere. I usually book up quite early and take advanatge of cheaper flights and longer to pay the holiday off, get spending money clothes etc. As I waited to see how money panned out, we didn't get a holiday at all. I was furious at first, but as I understood most of our outgoings were due to my overspending I accepted it.

Roll on to this year. DP is basically saying he doesnt think we have the spare cash upfront which is true. However, I suggested booking the holiday giving ourselves the incentive and then wotking at paying it of. I have a well paid job and gets lots of regular overtime with very good pay. Dp is the same.

Now he is saying that to go away in the summer we would have to put 'X' away each month and he doesnt think it's feasible.

I thought it was all quite 'doable', but now he has put a huge spanner in the works and put a real dampener on the whole thing.

I think deep down he isnt that bothered about a holiday, he can take it or leave it, hence the lack of enthusiasum.

Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy.

So am i being unreasonable when I work all hours god sends, to expect a bloody weeks holiday?

Lol @ Herr

Here obviously, damn iPhone

Portofino it is totally down to us to judge, this is AIBU after all!

I better not send you any more piccies of provencal hotels, belgo

It is confusing as she says it is "not thousands", yet £2,000 wouldn't make a dent in paying it.

Frankly I personally don't care if the OP takes her holiday or not (she will, and always planned on it). I just hope that she realizes that if her financial situation is such that taking maternity leave and having a reduction in salary causes her to get into thousands of pounds of personal debt, she needs to rethink her budget.

I will go here instead!

The amount of debt you have is all relative OP - you could have total debt of 50K and income of 50K or debt of 50K and income of 20K.
I think there are posters who are happy to justify their own (bad)financial position by normalising yours.
What will you do if you encounter another financial emergency this year ????

Portofino the tent will be getting a lot of use this year;-) but camping in France is so much better then camping in England!

belgo - I totally agree. It is a big bonus not needing a ferry crossing too! We need a bigger tent.

The thing I still don't see Carmen addressing - and she doesn't have to in the slightest, of course - is that she is forty, has no savings, is in debt, and relying on future earnings to pay off that debt. But, if you carry on without being more careful every month, then surely you'll get further into debt?
It's a laudable argument to live now and spend your income when you have it and not be rich in your pension years - no argument there - but Carmen, you've overspent, and don't seem to be reigning in to live within your means while servicing your debts, so from where I'm looking from, you are facing an old age debt-ridden because it will never be paid off? If the debt continues to be added to?
Ah - perhaps relying on inheriting (and spending) someone else's money that by your philosophy, they should be having the enjoyment of spending right now?

This is such a waste of time.

Everyone I know - professional people, decent incomes, child-care costs, modest mortgages - buy things with real money, not finance - because they have decent incomes, and so this is not difficult, not a chore, not dull or time-consuming, but easy - hardly needs thought - because they have decent incomes, and they are professional intelligent people who know the value & price of things. Having a great life does not require throwing a lot of cash about. It just doesn't.

Um Carmen will be mortgage free within 3 years. She has a small loan, where does the debt-ridden old age come into this? She is 40.

Carmen mortgage-free after 3 years? Really? I must have missed that one.

holidays are a luxury, not something you are entitled to. Get a grip.

Porto - She seems to owe a substantial amount of money not mortgage related, does not have savings, and money not immediately required for monthly payment of consolidated debts/mortgage interest/normal household bills & utilities/food/childcare etc seems to be 'frittered'. So, she is currently in debt, does not appear to be saving or wishing to do so - what's the alternative apart from being constantly in debt if she is already so, and does not seem to either be able or wish to live within her income which is apparently not small. Is that about the jist?

blueshoes, yes, she said her 20 year mortgage would be paid off in 2014.

Um and when did say she was " constantly in debt" and isn't she allowed to spend her money on what she wants, as long as her bills are paid?

The thing is, with a good income, a mortgage of 35k taken out 20 years ago could have been paid up years ago, saving masses of interest and leaving the endowment poilcy to be a fantastic windfall you could really have fun with.

And just as reminder: the OP was not asking for financial advice. She was asking whether or not she was unreasonable for booking a holiday NOW, or if she should save the money first, so that she physically had it in her hand before she booked anything. That was all!

Porto - of course! But then, if there wasn't an issue with Carmen's approach to family finances and different POVs between her & her DP, then would she be on here because of an argument between her and her DP about going on holiday? Isn't that the point?

I think we could do with Carmen's DP's pov on this thread tbh. He has concerns - he presumably has the full story. Without meaning to rip her to shreds, it's her partner's mortgage if I understand correctly, and since she moved in she has caused them financial problems by getting into personal debt. This might be incorrect, but I'd really like to know why her DP is against the holiday and why she wants validation to spend 2k-ish on a holiday when she has debt and by her own admission caused her family to have a really tough time financially last year - in fact is willing to do so without her partner's agreement.

You want people to day how much debt they have?

Right - dh and I have no debts.

Own house outright.

Have savings.

Go on holidays.

Pre dcs we did have a mortgage. And I had student loan. And had holidays. Mortgage is a living expense. Not a debt in the same way as credit cards/loans. As previously stated, what the mortgage covers is (usually) an appreciable asset.

But if I had had a consolidated loan of the scale that £2000 would not dent it, then we would have binned the holiday idea until finances were healthier.

AIBU was maybe an unwise place to come then.
No-one has to take any notice of anything that comes out here. She could have ignored all of it. Anyone's free to share their thoughts. If her finances are fine and everything's sorted and she wants to go on holiday then she should be discussing it with her DP, not here.

The thing is, with a good income, a mortgage of 35k taken out 20 years ago could have been paid up years ago, saving masses of interest and leaving the endowment poilcy to be a fantastic windfall you could really have fun with.

Which what most people in the 35-45 age range have done tbh, the endowment will be my 40th birthday party money.

Just a note. I didn't say I would be mortgage free soon I said I would be mortgage free by the time I am 40.

Some of us killjoys start young.

I don't understand people objecting to this thread, she asked, she got told, why bother asking and putting all the numbers out there if you didn't want to discuss them?

I think carmenelectra is very silly indeed with money, you can be a lovely person and still be crap at fiscal management.

Here you go, my financials:

House valued at $600k
Mortgage on house of $78k
Personal debt $0
Current offset account (so it is available but sits against the mortgage) $65k
Net position (ie if we had to liquidate tomorrow (based solely on house and cash) $587k.

It has been years of careful planning, along with some very good jobs and a huge dollop of luck.

Discuss away.

Same here!!