To want/expect a holiday, even though we have been a bit skint?

[carmenelectra]

Basically I am really, really pissed off a DP today.

I discussed booking this years family holiday with him yesterday and completely put me off.

We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to. I am willing to sacrifice everything for a wk in the sun.

Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough. My Dp put off all of my holidays plans and asked me to wait 'to see how it goes'.

Well, it went nowhere. I usually book up quite early and take advanatge of cheaper flights and longer to pay the holiday off, get spending money clothes etc. As I waited to see how money panned out, we didn't get a holiday at all. I was furious at first, but as I understood most of our outgoings were due to my overspending I accepted it.

Roll on to this year. DP is basically saying he doesnt think we have the spare cash upfront which is true. However, I suggested booking the holiday giving ourselves the incentive and then wotking at paying it of. I have a well paid job and gets lots of regular overtime with very good pay. Dp is the same.

Now he is saying that to go away in the summer we would have to put 'X' away each month and he doesnt think it's feasible.

I thought it was all quite 'doable', but now he has put a huge spanner in the works and put a real dampener on the whole thing.

I think deep down he isnt that bothered about a holiday, he can take it or leave it, hence the lack of enthusiasum.

Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy.

So am i being unreasonable when I work all hours god sends, to expect a bloody weeks holiday?

No more bizarre than someone asking if they're being unreasonable to EXPECT a foreign holiday. Take one, don't take one, but you are being unreasonable to expect a foreign holiday, no matter how hard you work.

frgr,

I am not not quite so sure that I am a fraud or dimwit from what I said, but your DH likes reading forwarded mumsnet threads?? What? How gripping. And it makes him laugh, how exactly? Due to the fact that i am not paying off a loan before I book a holiday. Now I have a wicked sense of humour, but I cannot raise a smile at that.

I didnt just pay for food on the cards, that was just another example taken out of context.

Oh AND I must apologise for the state of the economy due to my overspending whilst on mat leave! Will someone please inform David Cameron.

I tell you what, between frgr, blueshoes and icing I do not know who is more odd. How strange to get so involved in my business and to the point they discuss it with their Dp's?

We all seem to have things that we place importance on. For me, its a fun filled family holiday abroad. Along with other things i might add.

For most of you, its university fees for DC'S (if they Choose to go), or good care homes so someone can wipe your arse. Sorry I will cross that bridge when I come to it. Like I have commented, how says that you are right and I am wrong. Its not your money that is being spent.

Hate to tell you this, carmen. But I can afford holidays AND tuition fees and/or care homes, if need be. You cannot. And neither will your dh, by the looks of things.

Spend away.

ShirleyKno if you actually read the thread you will see i haven't asked anything about the ops finances. I have just asked questions about stuff she has written in her posts that didn't make any sense. Very chilled thanks

"Bought a house in the 90's with DP 35K mORTGAGE plus endowmnet policy(not bad back then).Put large sum down for deposit, hence small mortgage."

"caughtinanet, the endowmnet was taken out by my DP BEFORE we met. I think it was 1990, but it could be a year or so before?"

So which one is it? You are wondering why i think you are not telling the whole truth.

BLUESHOES,

You dont know any fine details about my life my dear.

And you are probably lying anyway.

You sound just like one of those people i really, really do not want to be.

carmen, we are totally different. That is clear. I am not looking to be liked by you - don't flatter yourself.

You would rather believe I am lying, than examine your own fiscal deficiencies.

Continue to bury your head in the sand ... your actions have no implications for me.

Just to clarify icing, the endowmnet was taken out before i met him, to be honest though, none of this matters.

HE took it out when his eldest child was born(with his ex.)

He did it as some kind of investment i guess.

I didnt mention it originally because its not really relevant. NEITHER is it relevant what type of mortgage we have or havent got. I was trying to illustrate how small our mortgage and repayments are. Obviously, not very successfully. Seriously wish I had not bothered overexplaining myself.

Blueshoes, No you would rather belive that I lying than accept that what I say is true. No huge, huge debts, small mortgage and slightly irresonsible attitute to savings etc whilst wanting a holidays.

The way that some posters are portryaing me as a liar, a bad partner, a 'dimwit' is shocking.

"Bought a house in the 90's with DP 35K mORTGAGE plus endowmnet policy(not bad back then).Put large sum down for deposit, hence small mortgage."

"caughtinanet, the endowmnet was taken out by my DP BEFORE we met. I think it was 1990, but it could be a year or so before?"

I quoted these because in one you say YOU and your dp took out a morgage with an endowment policy yet in the second you have said it was your dp who took it out before you met

Yes my dh did ask what was on trolls mumsnet and i told him about this thread. How about you show your own dp this thread and see what he says?

Carmen, you can be telling the truth (I have not accused you of lying, unlike you of me). I would still come to the same conclusion.

Why are you on AIBU if you have already made up your mind about how entitled you are to your foreign holiday?

You clearly think everyone is a bit feckless like you. Surprise.

I misworded my post about the mortage/endowmnent.

I didnt mention that we already had the endowmnet at first cos it wasnt worth the hassle of explaining. Only mentioned it when someone commented that a policy taken in the 1990's wouls have a short fall. That is why i mentioned it, to try and explain why we apparently dont have a shortfall.

But why the hell am i overexplaining again!! I know what i mean.

If i showed DP this thread he would say any of the following things, that its 'sad' to post on a public forum and tell people your business, that I am mad for discussing my finances, that you all sound like do- gooders. Well to be honest, he wouldnt read all this rubbish. I think he would ahve a chuckle that I wanted a holiday so much that I started a thread!!

I think someone said it was people who took out an endownment in the 80s that got screwed and they weren't sure about the 90s.

Oh i dont know. We dont appear to be screwed. Maybe we will be. I am only going on the information that we have received so far.

YABU, he may have a hobby that costs 60 quid a month but you seem to have had a spending hobby that cost a lot more and that he is having to put up with. I could never go away without having all the money up front and I agree with your DP on this.

It is this attitude that got you into a financial mess in the first place, no wonder he is being cautious, he is probably trying to get you to curb your lax attitude toward spending.

Put your efforts into making a summer at home as pleasant as possible and look forward to a holiday after you know you have the money to hand, maybe around winter this year for instance.

This thread is bizarre! When I read the OP I was going to say YANBU, I personally put a priority on an annual holiday - above new clothes/going out etc, and I can understand that you can get a better deal if you plan in advance. Like OP - I LOVE travelling, I love researching where to go/where to stay etc etc. The planning of it brightens my whole winter - which as we are in Belgium, tends to be dark, wet and cold. I really DO look forward to it all year.

I can totally understand also the good advice at the beginning of the thread about it being sensible to pay debt first etc etc. But this has turned so NASTY. What business of anyone's is it to grill the OP on her intimate financial circumstances?

To me it reads - one small mortgage, nearly paid off. One small loan - everything else covered.

There has been some good advice on here, but some of the posts are positively nasty, and there is lot of smugness and jealousy about what struck me as a light hearted post in the first place. It's the bloody weekend. Have a glass of and if you want to interfere in someone's life, go help some on another thread. There are plenty that need it!

What 'mess' LDNmummy?

Another example of my words being twisted.

Not going away this year will not 'curb' anything. i dont see a holiday as being lax to be honest, but i am fully aware most of you do.

And if you genuinely like getting a bee in your bonnet about how others waste spend their money - go visit the Prams Topic!

carmenelectra maybe you should just give up now, you will never win this argument.

Thanks portofino.

I agree there have been a lot of nasty posts. A lot of suggestions on my truthfulness and yes much smugness from posters.

"I have no debt". I AM perfect.

You have my history right. Small mortgage, plus small loan.

It was semi light hearted when i started it cos ultimately if I want a hol i will have one. My Dp isn't SO bothered that it will cause a major issue.

I was just initially pissed off at his total lack of enthusiasm. Nothing sinister.

I am not trying to win the argument!

They will never convince me lol

"Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough."

I have not read the whole post and TBH am not looking at this from knowing your financial ins and outs if others have been asking.

But you clearly stated in your OP that you personally overcommitted financially and have thusly ended up with a debt you probably wouldn't have had otherwise. It is not me twisting your words, you said yourself that you were responsible for last year being a tough one for your DP and yourself.

A holiday is a luxury, no matter how hard you work. If I cannot afford one, I wait until I can and make the best of things in the mean time. It doesn't make sense to spend money if you do not have it. Work the overtime hours you mentioned and save up. When you have the money in hand, go on a holiday.

It is selfish to be upset with your DP about this. He is having to bear with a siuation you created and is wanting to be cautious. You should understand where he is coming from. It is not being lax to go on holiday, but it is having a lax attitude toward money to spend what you do not have.

I have not read the whole thread, not post.

Oh and I don't think you do not deserve a holiday, everyone deserves one once in a while.

I think the original point is that the OP CAN afford a holiday - she just needs to save some money towards it - which she CAN do. But she gets a better deal if she books it now rather than saves the money first. This makes her DP slightly uncomfortable.

There was a sensible discussion at the beginning about whether this was a good idea or not. Then the money police started off. Apparently if you owe a penny to anyone it is not allowed to go on holiday. This seemingly coming from people who have paid off THEIR mortgages.