To want/expect a holiday, even though we have been a bit skint?

[carmenelectra]

Basically I am really, really pissed off a DP today.

I discussed booking this years family holiday with him yesterday and completely put me off.

We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to. I am willing to sacrifice everything for a wk in the sun.

Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough. My Dp put off all of my holidays plans and asked me to wait 'to see how it goes'.

Well, it went nowhere. I usually book up quite early and take advanatge of cheaper flights and longer to pay the holiday off, get spending money clothes etc. As I waited to see how money panned out, we didn't get a holiday at all. I was furious at first, but as I understood most of our outgoings were due to my overspending I accepted it.

Roll on to this year. DP is basically saying he doesnt think we have the spare cash upfront which is true. However, I suggested booking the holiday giving ourselves the incentive and then wotking at paying it of. I have a well paid job and gets lots of regular overtime with very good pay. Dp is the same.

Now he is saying that to go away in the summer we would have to put 'X' away each month and he doesnt think it's feasible.

I thought it was all quite 'doable', but now he has put a huge spanner in the works and put a real dampener on the whole thing.

I think deep down he isnt that bothered about a holiday, he can take it or leave it, hence the lack of enthusiasum.

Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy.

So am i being unreasonable when I work all hours god sends, to expect a bloody weeks holiday?

Sorry OP I still dont get it ?Its the one thing I ask for??? what did you overspend on then - clothes,shoes,makeup, nice food ?
I also dont get why you are earning -in your words a good salary with a tiny mortgage and yet you dont have any savings -at all
It doesnt add up !

I am still not convinced that the op is telling the whole truth.

Carmen you keep saying how well paid you are (and your dp) and as we have established, you have very low morgage repayments. So i really cannot see how you could be in the situation you are? Which is being in (did you say 10k?) worth of personal debt and can only have your holiday if you work overtime and save save save.

You must really live way beyond your means.

Carmen repaid a lump sum some time during the mortgage? hmmmm ... rather out of character!

Carmen has not actually told us the true extent of her debts. She has only used hypotheticals. I bet that is for a reason, possibly even in keeping with her denial.

Well done on the endowment, Carmen. It must be like winning the lottery.

No i did not say it was ten grand. I didnt say anything. I gave an example.

Why on earth would I lie about mortgage/ endownment policy?? Quite odd. On a thread about holidays?

Icing, as you ahve all the answers(and blueshoes), what you surmise to be the truth then. That i am on the dole or sunmmat?

i am truly baffled.

Look, i clearly live my life very diffeently to a number of people on this thread.

To be honest, i think some of you are probably lying when you say that you have no debts or that you are or will be mortgage free quite soon.

No blueshoes, Its not like winning the lottery. After all the original mortgage is only 35k. Hardly a big sum these days. Also, up until quite recently we wouldn't have even considered an endowmnent to be a problem.

Oh and I ONLY used hypotheticals because I wasnt asking for financial advice remember?

even if I gave actual figures it wouldnt alter the advice that any of you gave would it?

Ive just re read blueshoes last post. True extent of my debts lol

How has it all turned around to this? Its incredible.

Theres no true extent love, you are making me sound like some secret gambler who has fleeced some company for millions

You are flip flopping around like a ping pong on this thread. That is why you cannot answer a lot of the questions on this thread. And why we don't believe you entirely.

You want us to believe your debts aren't really that much (you never told us what they were), you have a decent pension and an endowment that is not in shortfall, so you have the right to spend on a discretionary holiday instead of paying off your debts.

That is your incentive to lie. I am not saying you are, but you asked ...

I believe it when people say they have no debts. The sort of people who this thread would attract are those who cannot understand what you are doing. That is the nature of AIBU. Others are too ashamed to admit they live beyond their means, which sometimes needs must if income is low. Yours and dhs' is not.

Enjoy your holiday love, we've had a tax refund through and the first thing i did was book 2 weeks somewhere hot, things are miserable enough at the moment for most people, if something to look forward keeps you going then so be it.
My DH takes his laptop and works by the pool which is his loss but it's how we compromise.

Not millions, dearie. Now you are trying to use absurdity to deflect.

Having just had a quick discussion with dh, he has pointed out that when i questioned you on your morgage repayments (working out that you would have paid back £146 a month) you didn't mention interest.

For instance if i said our morgage was X amount and we were paying it off in X amount of time and someone came along and said we would be paying X a mount per month then, i would tell them we aren't paying the amount they had worked out because they haven't added on interest.

Or are you lucky that you don't pay any interest either Carmen? My dh was just suprised you said my sums were correct and that you were paying £146 per month back without corrected me about the interest you pay.

He also said that it is very unlikely anyone would not be shortfalled on an endowment morgage (he knows loads about morgages).

I don't think your on benefits no but the reason people are thinking that purhaps you are not telling the whole truth is because on the one hand you keep saying you and your dp have such high imcomes and low outgoings yet on the otherhand your dp says it's not feasible to have a holiday this year without you going beyond your means.

It does not make sense.

how do you flip flop around a thread?

There are a lot of questions that have been asked!

i think you should have got the gist of it.

Summary:
Worked all my life pretty much, full time before dc's.

Bought a house in the 90's with DP 35K mORTGAGE plus endowmnet policy(not bad back then).Put large sum down for deposit, hence small mortgage.

have worked almost full time since kids. Apart from some part time work for a while whilst at uni.

Good maternity pay, but not good enough. Used my credit cards for the shortfall- paid for extra shopping etc

Went back to work realised with 2 children at nursery more outgoings, credit cards needed to go. One bigger loan. DP suggested no hol last yr while we got 'straight'. WE HAVE.

This year my (happy) Dp still thinks another year without hols wont kill us. True, but I think its manageable.

Endowment, maybe lucky, but I am sure we are not the only ones.

No savings cos things do 'crop up'. We ahve some money in the bank at the end of each month, not actual savings though.

For instance extra money we had we had to use to replace boiler, problem with roof. Technically I guess this would ahve been my holiday cash, but there you go. But I can and will earn that money again.

wow icing, I have been rumbled. What are you and you DP suggesting is the truth then?

BTW arent our mortgage repayments paying the interest and the endowment will cover the actual sum we owe?

Maybe the letter we have regarding our policy is wrong then and your DH is right? Tell him thanks, would he like a copy, so that he can double check?

Oh ITS NOT BANG ON £146 a month, I think its £152 plus the endowment!!!!!

Well carmen, its good that your endowment isn't showing a shortfall.

The usual endowment term is 25 years but if you took yours out in the 90s it must be for a shorter term and I don't know how well those one's have performed.

Na, still think your lying. No one with two good incomes plus a low morgage and possibly the only one in the Country who weren't screwed on an endowment would not be able to afford a holiday without doing overtime and saving hard.

Yes you pay the interest on your morgage and the endowment pays the rest. But the point my dh was making was you borrowed 35k yes, but the actual sum your morgage would have been with interest would have been more then 35k. So my sums would have been completely wrong because i didn't add interest nor did i take into account (because i didn't know it was) an endowment morgage. My sums were wrong but you agreed with me and said they were right! Shows you have no idea about your own morgage or it's repayments.

You sound like you are making it up as you go along. Am suprised your 40 actually, you sound like a teenager.

Dp suggested no hol last year while we got 'straight' -WE HAVE you are kidding yourself OP . Please listen to your DP

caughtinanet, the endowmnet was taken out by my DP BEFORE we met. I think it was 1990, but it could be a year or so before?

Icingonthecake, I dont care if you believe me or that you would think anyone would even bother lying about something so dull!

Just becuase i HAVENT got all my paperwork to hand and I am not giving you the exact figures you think I am lying! I dont know why you are even taking your time trying to catch me out, even asking your DH. i ahve given rough figures, sorry I havent given exact amounts, plus interest. If I was at home, Id go and look!!

Please tell me why you think I am behaving like a teenager? And what I am lying about? H aving a good job, small mortgage, an ok endowmnet policy, more debts? What??

OP
You have a small mortgage ,ok endowment and have recently consolidated credit card debt onto your mortgage. You appear to have no shortterm (3-6 months bill money) or longterm investments. From your OP you appear to have no spare cash to save.

During your Maternity leave you appear to have used credit cards to pay for essentials -extra shopping.

Are you aware that one of the biggest financial warning signs is paying for essentials on credit???
Please listen to your DP

Bloody hellfire. I am laughing my arse off here. Some of you, I'm looking at YOU IcingOnTheCakes, need to go for a little lie down and chill out. Really, going on and on and on wanted all the financial details from the OP makes you sound...unhinged, quite frankly.

Someone earlier in the thread said that the OP wants her cake and to eat it too. I never understand this expression, what else are you supposed to do with cake? Frame it? Freeze it for all eternity? I digress, but not really I think it makes quite a nice little metaphor really.

Some of us are cake eaters, some of us are cake looker atters.

Quite what it's got to do with anyone how much cake one is eating ( unless they're stealing your cake that is) or how big a piece of cake someone is looking at, is actually beyond me.

I took out an endowment policy in 91. I'm royally screwed. That's why I've been making overpayments for the past 3 years so we can avoid having to take out another mortgage at the end of the term.

I don't know of ANYONE who's not suffered from a downfall in their mortgage if they've got any time to run. Endowments were universally shagged hard thanks to the failure of invesments. No-one, no matter how small their mortgage, escaped from this from that time. And if you can't afford to overpay on your shortfall endowment, you shouldn't be taking a holiday.

Henry's back...and the stairs need doing. Take your holiday...you will anyway. I think most people were hoping that they could make you reconsider your view and take your DP's advice. He clearly knows your financial position more accurately than we do...possibly more accurately than you do.

Enjoy your tan :)

Shirley, isn't the point that the OP's financial "habits" are what's contributed towards the mess the country is in right now?

The idea that someone can have something just because other segments of society have them, confusing want with need, spending now and waving hands in the air whilst talking about being able to pay later?

Families like the OP have already started to feel the pinch, and if she has continued to live in a little bubble despite the fact that her financial mismanagement has placed them in a weak position (re: putting food on credit cards and then consolidating it - and then feeling entitled to home AND foriegn holidays each year whilst doing it...) ... its only a matter of time before things come crashing down to reality for her. Which it appears her DH has already perceived - yet the OP doesn't appear to want to acknowledge.

I have found this thread quite useful, personally - I've forwarded it to DH (he's working Saturdays this month but it's fairly quiet apparently) and he just called to have a laugh about it. He says the OP is a dimwit or a fraud (think he means troll). Whichever it is - thanks for the laugh, OP!

shirleyknot thanks and lol! Its all a bit bizarre isn't it?

thebestofyou, yes i am aware of the warning signs, which is why the cards have gone I have settled it to one manageable loan and I am paying it off. Granted, not overpaying, but paying.