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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want/expect a holiday, even though we have been a bit skint?

737 replies

carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 13:52

Basically I am really, really pissed off a DP today.

I discussed booking this years family holiday with him yesterday and completely put me off.

We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to. I am willing to sacrifice everything for a wk in the sun.

Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough. My Dp put off all of my holidays plans and asked me to wait 'to see how it goes'.

Well, it went nowhere. I usually book up quite early and take advanatge of cheaper flights and longer to pay the holiday off, get spending money clothes etc. As I waited to see how money panned out, we didn't get a holiday at all. I was furious at first, but as I understood most of our outgoings were due to my overspending I accepted it.

Roll on to this year. DP is basically saying he doesnt think we have the spare cash upfront which is true. However, I suggested booking the holiday giving ourselves the incentive and then wotking at paying it of. I have a well paid job and gets lots of regular overtime with very good pay. Dp is the same.

Now he is saying that to go away in the summer we would have to put 'X' away each month and he doesnt think it's feasible.

I thought it was all quite 'doable', but now he has put a huge spanner in the works and put a real dampener on the whole thing.

I think deep down he isnt that bothered about a holiday, he can take it or leave it, hence the lack of enthusiasum.

Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy.

So am i being unreasonable when I work all hours god sends, to expect a bloody weeks holiday?

OP posts:
Morloth · 12/03/2011 14:03

I know you went into debt to survive maternity leave when you had a small mortgage and two good incomes. I know you seem to find the idea of not spending money on fripperies impossible.

You do know that posting is entirely voluntary? You don't need to tell anyone the stuff you have, but if you put it put there then people are going to comment.

Original poster
carmenelectra · 12/03/2011 14:04

lol at blueshoes. We are very happy. He doesnt want to pay off 'extra' on debts. I have said this.

Thanks fatty. PRECISELY. [SMILE]

OP posts:
MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 12/03/2011 14:05

YABU. Holidays are overrated, and no-one is 'entitled' to one Hmm. Living on tick caused the financial crisis. Thanks god most of the MN posters think YABU - there is some hope for sanity and a good example to our DC.

blueshoes · 12/03/2011 14:05

But he also does not want to spend the 'extra' on a foreign holiday in the sun. That you also said.

FattyArbuckel · 12/03/2011 14:07

Carmen walk away from this bizarre thread - and enjoy your weekend Smile

huffythethreadslayer · 12/03/2011 14:07

FattyArbuckel. Poor ole Carmen asked AIBU in an AIBU thread. Sorry...but I thought MN rules said that made you fair game for getting opinions spouted at you that don't necessarily agree with yours.

I think most of us on here are just gobsmacked with this woman's completely blind, unreasoned, sense of entitlement and blithe disregard for anyone else's views. The fact that she then says, oh well you've paid off all your debts so you must be boring and middle-aged and clearly not fun and happy go lucky like me, is just a bit inflammatory really. And anyway, it's Saturday afternoon. If it's a choice between hoovering or having a bit of an online scrap, which would you choose???

If the OP doesn't want the flack, my advice? Stay off MN AIBU boards :) I think there's a 'health warning' on the label.

Right...Henry's calling and I can't ignore the hoover any more :)

Morloth · 12/03/2011 14:08

Aren't UK pensions in trouble? Is that all of them or just some?

IcingOnTheCakes · 12/03/2011 14:09

No carmen i don't want someone going into my finances which is why i haven't posted them on a public forumHmm

FattyArbuckel · 12/03/2011 14:10

sorry, forgot it was a thread for bun fights

Original poster
carmenelectra · 12/03/2011 14:13

iCING,YES, its a public forum, but I didnt come on here to share financial details!!!

Most post was asking AIBU? Not please can i give you a break down of my money so that you can all dis me?

I would also like to add, that for several years i was a student. Thsi is why we are not 'well off' now

OP posts:
Original poster
carmenelectra · 12/03/2011 14:15

Dont worry guys, Im not in the least offended. You are all quite funny.

Thanks fatty, soon be time for a drink.(being frivolous again)

OP posts:
blueshoes · 12/03/2011 14:16

Morloth, only final salary schemes are in trouble - for the public sector and private companies (rare) because they can no longer afford to fund them. So they are being withdrawn and in the public sector's case, cut back.

Defined contributions, money purchase schemes - which are the most common sort in the private sector - are not in trouble. But such pensions generally only perform as well as the stock market and so fluctuate in value accordingly.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 12/03/2011 14:19

Oh FFS just go on holiday.

If you are in debt sort it out. Take the consquences. You dont need our permission to spend years paying interest on credit card debts. If you want to do it, do it.

You have a choice. Dont go on holiday, stop overspending and go on holiday next year or go on holiday and stay in debt.

Up to you.

Original poster
carmenelectra · 12/03/2011 14:21

GRRR
I will still be debt anyway!!Jesus

I will be going away, just asked it it was unreasonable, clearly yes!!

OP posts:
blueshoes · 12/03/2011 14:22

Carmen, if you were a student for a few years and you are already in your forties, I wonder how much of a pension you can realistically expect to build up over your life time, even if you continued to work at this pace. Don't count on the state pension ...

caughtinanet · 12/03/2011 14:31

blueshoes - public sector pensions aren't funded at all, that's why they are in trouble, its not to do with how the benefits are accrued it because nothing has been put aside for them.

carmen - I know you don't want financial advice but I hope that your endowment policy will cover the outstanding balance on your mortgage in a few years time as the vast majority of those taken out in the 80s won't.

blueshoes · 12/03/2011 14:42

caughtinthenet, your explanation is right. I was using 'fund' in the sense of affording the anticipated pay outs.

IcingOnTheCakes · 12/03/2011 14:45

But you did share your finacial details - that was my point.

You are not "well off" now because you overspend and live way beyond your means, not because you were once a student.

You will still be in debt even if you didn't go on holiday yes, but the interest you would be paying would be alot less with 2k taken off the sum. This really isn't hard to understand.

People who don't live like you aren't all living a boring, joyless life. They just have a holiday every other year or enjoy weekends away etc.

You seem to want to have several small holidays like camping etc PLUS have a "main" holiday in the sun, EVERY year. You clearly cannot afford to do this without saving hard and doing overtime when whilst you are doing this, you are paying the maximum interest on your debt thus wasting money on interest. Your dp can see this, 99% of the people on this thread can see this but YOU can't?

Original poster
carmenelectra · 12/03/2011 14:46

Pension will be fine. I am only just 40(dont remind me!), not in my forties.

Endowment is ok, there is no shortfall.

OP posts:
caughtinanet · 12/03/2011 14:47

blueshoes - if only the OP was so financially aware Grin

caughtinanet · 12/03/2011 14:49

carmen - glad to hear the endowment is OK, I wish I had mine with the same company you do.

frgr · 12/03/2011 14:52

caughtinanet, I think 95% of people with endowment mortgages do.

How interesting that the OP seems so financially naive, yet happens to have got lucky with a notoriously bad type of mortgage. If she's genuine, she should be counting her lucky stars that she's not like the rest of the folk with her type of mortgage who've ended up with huge shortfalls through absolutely no fault of their own.

She's either lying or unbelievably lucky. if the latter, perhaps it has contributed to this unjustified sense of security she appears to have. not a good thing, imho.

Original poster
carmenelectra · 12/03/2011 14:52

My DP just doesnt prioritorise holidays I suppose, I do.

He has spent money on non-priority stuff in the past. Not a big deal I dont think in the grand scheme of things.

I won't change my view on this.

Sorry, but i disagree that its a luxury as some posters think. It's the one thing that I ask for. If only my Dp worked then, yes, he would have more of a say, but I earn equal, if not more.

OP posts:
caughtinanet · 12/03/2011 14:57

frgr - I wouldn't be surprised if the figure is higher than 95%. I suppose that carmen could have repaid a lump sum at some time during the mortgage and the endowment is still sufficient to cover the lower figure.

carmen - if you won't change your mind on the holiday why did you start this thread ?

Original poster
carmenelectra · 12/03/2011 14:58

frgr, why on earth would I lie about the endowmnet/

Who would care?

Actually, we had a letter a few yrs ago, when there were concerns, saying there may be a shortfall(though it wasnt a huge amount), but more recently had one saying in actual fact we are ok.

My sister sadly, was one of the unfortunate ones with a shortfall and she sold hers.

OP posts:
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