To want/expect a holiday, even though we have been a bit skint?

[carmenelectra]

Basically I am really, really pissed off a DP today.

I discussed booking this years family holiday with him yesterday and completely put me off.

We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to. I am willing to sacrifice everything for a wk in the sun.

Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough. My Dp put off all of my holidays plans and asked me to wait 'to see how it goes'.

Well, it went nowhere. I usually book up quite early and take advanatge of cheaper flights and longer to pay the holiday off, get spending money clothes etc. As I waited to see how money panned out, we didn't get a holiday at all. I was furious at first, but as I understood most of our outgoings were due to my overspending I accepted it.

Roll on to this year. DP is basically saying he doesnt think we have the spare cash upfront which is true. However, I suggested booking the holiday giving ourselves the incentive and then wotking at paying it of. I have a well paid job and gets lots of regular overtime with very good pay. Dp is the same.

Now he is saying that to go away in the summer we would have to put 'X' away each month and he doesnt think it's feasible.

I thought it was all quite 'doable', but now he has put a huge spanner in the works and put a real dampener on the whole thing.

I think deep down he isnt that bothered about a holiday, he can take it or leave it, hence the lack of enthusiasum.

Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy.

So am i being unreasonable when I work all hours god sends, to expect a bloody weeks holiday?

I find this thread absolutely gobsmacking, I just don't see how someone cannot understand this most basic stuff. It is astonishing.

I've owed money. I've struggled to live within my means. I've wanted stuff when I couldn't afford it and I've had it. After my wedding I owed £7k, which doesn't sound much, but it took DH and I years to pay it off. I had to do without so much stuff it used to make me cry with the injustice of working hard and not being able to spend.

Luckily, my DH has always had a good head on his shoulders. Though I called him boring and railed at him on occasion during our youth, his 'boring' ways have bought us to the current day.

I have what I want, when I want it. I don't worry about money ever. I was able to give up work when my daughter started school and my job started to suck. I'm retraining thanks to the cash we managed to save once we'd got rid of our stupid debts.

Do I know where you're coming from? Yes. Does it make sense to me? In an addled way, yes. But, OP, you are making a choice that makes your DH unhappy. You're choosing a path that will, ultimately, be much harder in the long run.

You implied that Blueshoes was boring because of her choices. I'll take the bordeom involved in paying off debt over the thrill of spending what isn't mine. Because I've done both and the worry of one outweights any amount of bordeom the other could carry.

I'm 5 years away from being debt free, at most. Hopefully it'll only take us 3. And by that I mean mortgage...we don't have any other debt these days, no matter what crops up.

AYBU? Yes. YABU. And I feel sorry for your DH.

blueshoes, nicer care home. You gotta be kidding me?

I dont necessarily agree with funding childrens uni fees. Great IF you can afford it, but not an essential. No one funded my uni time, I got a job like a lot of people do.

carmen, you have and continue to have holidays. You are hardly depriving yourself before, now or in the future.

ou won't acknowledge that because it suits your fiscal blindspot to insist you are not having holidays just because you don't have that foreign holiday in the sun ... my heart weeps.

Your dh sees through all that though.

If you studied in the UK, then the taxpayer funded your university fees.

Carmen, I am not kidding you, shocked face and all.

You think you will always be healthy, that your dcs will wipe dribble off your mouth and attend to your toiletting?

You reminds me of the grasshopper who fiddled through the summer. Fun whilst it lasts.

There is no need to feel sorry for my DP, he isnt unhappy. Thanks for the concern.

Jesus no wonder some of you are looking forward to your retirement. You are halfway there

We both will have pensions like yours. No mortgage either, no loans and probably inheritence from in-laws(not that I want this). Difference being I will have had a laugh along the way.

Another example of your fiscal shortsighted is not even seeing how much more your dcs will have to pay for tuition fees than you did in your time, assuming you even had to pay tuition fees.

Times have changed, dear.

Blueshoes, for goodness sake. I am all preparing for retirement, but how old are you?

When did you start thinking abour care homes?

Always look on the bright side of life...

I think the op doesn't have a clue about the finances because none of what she has said is making any sense. Someone who has only had to pay 35k over a 20 year period and is still short changed is either seriously bad with money or else making it up.

I didn't say no holiday I said 'real' which is actually going to be 3 weeks split between Disneyworld and visiting friends scattered down the East Coast of the US, 5* all the way. Between now and then we will just have cheaper ones (ie caravan parks/cheap B&Bs, it will be worth it. Because we will have a blast safe in the knowledge that we can afford it.

Also the house will not be bigger it will in fact be smaller, but the commute will be more than halved as will the transport costs.

Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worst is how we live. It has stood us in good stead over the years. We have very comfortable lives and a good buffer for if thing go pearshaped.

I would not be able to sleep at night in your position.

Again it suits you to think that others are not having fun just because they are responsible with money.

I am not coming on here to boast about we earn or do as a family now.

Sorry folks, none of you are convincing me in the least.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I believe that my 'unhappy' DP would hate to live with a woman like this. All frugal and serious. Even he would say lighten up!

You have all taken this waaay out of context and are acting like I am the most irresponsible woman on the planet

Actually, people who were sensible early on are usually having more fun later on because they aren't worrying about debt and money when they are 40

Carmen i love the way you ahve conviniently egnored my posts because i questioned you. I think purhaps you are lying about alot of things tbh.

Carmen, you are just going to have to accept you don't have the financial earning power to afford the sort of holidays that me and others on this thread can, without getting into debt.

And cut your cloth accordingly.

The first step to financial ruin is your ridiculous sense of entitlement to others' lifestyle that you cannot afford.

We should be totally mortgage free by 40.

It will be amazing to not have to pay housing costs.

I like spending money I just don't enjoy handing it over for no reason (ie interest).

Icing, if carmen is not lying, she is in denial, burying her head in the sand.

You are not the only one who is making points that carmen chooses to repeatedly ignore.

You said your DP was unhappy about you booking the holiday? He sounds desparate to pay off your debts, as any normal person would be.

You want to spend more. He wants to pay off debt. You are pissed off with him for taking the sensible solution and you say he isn't unhappy? I would be in his shoes.

This thread is the nuttiest one I have read for a while

Poor ole Carmen didn't ask for a lecture on how to live her life!

I think she is quite correct in thinking that huge numbers of people have a mortgage way higher than £50k and also go abroad on holiday in the summer. Perhaps she and her dh have slightly different views as to how to manage their financial affairs but that doesn't make Carmen financially irresponsible or feckless!

Morloth, you do not know my position, so can you say that you couldn't sleep?

What position? That I have small mortgage and one bank loan??

Icing your sums are correct, that is what we pay each mth, but only since the base rate has decreased. Before then it was probably £100 on top of that. Plus we have an endownment we pay. early on we also had a secured loan (big) that we paid off for home improvements. And after that we had another biggish loan for more improvements, also repaid. So we had bigger debts than the mortgage.
A big well done though, for picking it apart and working out my money. Very nosey and rude.

Of course your dh is unhappy. You are going to go ahead anyway, with or without his blessing. Maybe you forgot about that, in your haste to spend money you don't have.

What a happy couple you must make.

icing, i crossed posts with you. I answered your nosey questions, but how dare you delve so deep into my outgoings. Would you like to divulge what you earn or pay out each month?

PMSL at nosey and rude. Your on a public forum sharing your finacial details and you complain about people being nosey and rude!

If that is all you have had to pay for the last 20 years (even with extra costs it is still very low) and you have reached 40, still in debt and cannot afford a holiday without doing overtime and hard saving, then you really are bad with money!

Why come on this thread then if you have all the answers?

"she is quite correct in thinking that huge numbers of people have a mortgage way higher than £50k and also go abroad on holiday in the summer"

What a selective way to read the information given on the OP's finances and attitude towards debt, FattyArbuckel.

I suggest you read more than 10% of the text the OP has been writing here before commenting