To want/expect a holiday, even though we have been a bit skint?

[carmenelectra]

Basically I am really, really pissed off a DP today.

I discussed booking this years family holiday with him yesterday and completely put me off.

We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to. I am willing to sacrifice everything for a wk in the sun.

Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough. My Dp put off all of my holidays plans and asked me to wait 'to see how it goes'.

Well, it went nowhere. I usually book up quite early and take advanatge of cheaper flights and longer to pay the holiday off, get spending money clothes etc. As I waited to see how money panned out, we didn't get a holiday at all. I was furious at first, but as I understood most of our outgoings were due to my overspending I accepted it.

Roll on to this year. DP is basically saying he doesnt think we have the spare cash upfront which is true. However, I suggested booking the holiday giving ourselves the incentive and then wotking at paying it of. I have a well paid job and gets lots of regular overtime with very good pay. Dp is the same.

Now he is saying that to go away in the summer we would have to put 'X' away each month and he doesnt think it's feasible.

I thought it was all quite 'doable', but now he has put a huge spanner in the works and put a real dampener on the whole thing.

I think deep down he isnt that bothered about a holiday, he can take it or leave it, hence the lack of enthusiasum.

Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy.

So am i being unreasonable when I work all hours god sends, to expect a bloody weeks holiday?

I'm not offended. My DH is a tight c**t. :)

So is mine Quattro, He won't let me have a holiday lol

Oh i added an extra letter in my c**t!!

OP, how did you feel about getting into such bad debt that it had to be consolidated? That must have felt crap. I'm sure the holiday will make you feel relaxed, but surely the impact of messing up has made you stressed in the first place. Would it not be better just to be a bit more responsible and feel a bit more in control?

Personally, I think all this t-shirt slogan stuff 'you're a long time dead' or whatever is just a cover up - and it's not like you're 23. You should listen to your DP. Actually, you owe him that.

I am indeed saying that booking a holiday when you have debts (apart from a secured) mortgage is dumb, if you are spending money then you are effectively increasing the debt.

There's no binary here, OP. It's not about 'do I enjoy a week in the sun or should I just live a miserable horrible life with no breaks ever'.

In the first eight years of our relationship, we went on two holidays. Neither abroad, neither expensive, neither for more than a week. One was our honeymoon.

In the same eight years, we paid off our house, moved to a bigger family home, and paid that off. We've never had a car loan or a credit card debt.

And the thing is that now we don't feel the same desperate need for holidays, because we don't work incredible hard with lots of overtime; I work three days a week, he's a student. We could do that because we had no debts to service.

So, sure, take your holiday, you probably won't run into dire trouble and end up bankrupt. But as long as you live this way - making minimum payments on a consolidated debt, and no doubt the mortgage - you won't get to an easier life, and you will keep needing your week's holiday in the sun.

Don't talk to those of us who saved early as if we have no joy in life. We're not the ones content to live in a hamster wheel rather than getting ahead when we can.

op
If I am not working for socks off to do sod all all year.
My DP has a sporting hobby which he spends approx £60 a mth on. I have nothing like that. All I BLOOMIN' want is a week away. We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to.

I obviously misinterpreted this to mean you needed a holiday because you weren't enjoying the rest of the year. Silly me, sorry for trying to help

I've tried to stop reading this because I thought for a while that anyone with the OP's attitude towards money is simply trolling for the sake of it, but due to her perseverence and longish posts defending her position, I'm concerned that it ain't actually the case.

I do want to point out that normalising debt ("it's ok everyone's in it", "long time dead", "i dont know anyone who's not in debt", "so what about a mortgage then", "i work hard", "i'll use the overtime"... do I need to write any more justifications from this thread here) is fucking irresponsible as a parent, and if your children inherit the "spend now pay later" attitude, they're going to repeat the same financial mistakes you've made in the past which led to having a supposedly high income with lots of overtime available yet no holiday pot to spend, despite the fact that it's a yearly outgoing and extremely important to you.

Irresponsible, immature, childish, naive - call it what you will, but I see the OP as a car crash in slow motion.

I think Bogeyface has hit a few nails on the head that you wish weren't acknowledged. Well, you posted on AIBU - we're not here to stroke you and tell you it's alright, your DH is being mean. If you only want "yes men", post elsewhere.

YABU and I feel a bit sorry for your DH having to be the bad guy saying no, when its your debt that is the real reason.

In your posts you come across as thinking you are some special case. That because you work hard you are automatically entitled to do expensive things. Well, lots of people work hard and have small children and stressful lives, but they don't expect to be able to do things if they can't afford them.

Living beyond your means is why you are in so much debt. Holiday abroad is living beyond your means. Get over it.

OP it makes no financial sense to spend spare cash when you have consolidated debts.

But I suspect you know that.

It also makes no finacial sense to run up debts that you have no chance of paying off and need to be consolidated.

But I suspect you know that.

You don't seem to mind that you have no financial nous...and that's okay. But you do need to talk to your DH. Perhaps he is really anxious about money. In your position I would be very worried, so it is understandable.

Maybe there's a compromise.

Thank you Carmen....could feel my BP rising to read people absolutely slating Turkey (even I agree Altinkum is a a shit hole but good god, there is so much more to Turkey that this) but you have said it all so I am not gonna bother replying!!

Enjoy your hol xx

My grandparents were incredibly frugal: never wasted food, always recycled things if they could (there was a whole drawer full of tinfoil when we cleared the house out after my step-grandfather died) and went on inexpensive camping/driving holidays.

As a result, my grandmother arrived in old age pretty well-off. She is now 96, bedridden and in need of round the clock care. Because she saved and was careful, she is able to afford to be in a lovely, caring home with plenty of individual attention, no bedsores, proper time spent feeding her if she needs it etc etc.

Sorry to put a damper on your 'live for the moment' attitude, OP, but there is plenty of point in being rich when you're old.

But of course, your grandparents had a lovely life together whilst they were both still in good health???

When I am 96 and bedridden and needing round the clock care the only money I will need will be to buy a gun and a bullet

The ironic thing about this recession is that, unlike various other recessions, the causes pervade every strata of society from joe public home owner, to small companies, large local authorities and the government.
Basically, a large number of people/organisations in each of those strata have done exactly the same thing to get us into the mess we are in now; namely, they have borrowed too much money, spent it all, and the borrowed more and carried on spending the money that isn't theirs.

Most people realise that the credit party ended a long time ago. Looks like you haven't woken up yet Carmen.

One thing is for sure: it's gonna get worse for most of us before it gets better. I'd urge you to slow down the spending a bit so you don't end up losing everything. If that's a bit blunt, I apologise in advance, but I am honestly just trying to help. :)

givemesomespace has hit the nail on the head.

The 'spend now, pay later' attitude is part of what got us into the banking crisis. It isn't just something that the evil bankers did. It's something we all did - and that you, carmen, are still doing.

Desperate-I agree with your comment about the gun & the bullet. What's the point in having loads of money and marginally better care, if you are bedridden? I think I may be becoming more sympathetic with the OP.

It's not marginally better care, it's several orders of magnitude better care.

I read about these godawful 'care' homes where the elderly are left starving, dehydrated, covered in bedsores, stewing in their own piss and shit and often alone and distressed for hours or days on end in shared wards where dementia cases are mixed up with semi-comatose or conscious but just immobile ones. Then I think about my the quiet, friendly atmosphere of my grandmother's home. I think about her warm, comfortable private room with ensuite shower/loo and space to keep some of her own furniture and things about, adjustable bed, carer who sits with her and feeds her/helps her drink, a choice of food, regular checks and visits by care assistants and trained nurses, and high enough ratio of staff to residents that it's possible to get to know the matron and make any special arrangements needed.

And then I think blimey, there's a good reason to be careful with money and make sure I'm provided for when I'm really old and helpless.

Wait till you are 96 before you wish for a gun and a bullet . I think that there are can be a lot of joy in life as you age. Are you really saying there is no point in living if you can't do everything you do now. Hang on, I'll just give my auntie a ring and tell her to stick her head in the oven shall I? She's not exactly bedridden but more or less housebound. Not worth living I guess.....

Everyone has their own personal beliefs about quality of life. It is no-one else's business but their own. I watched my grandmother die from altzimers and the final couple of years of her life were horrific. She was skeletal and slept in a cot. I know she wouldn't want to have seen her days out like that but there was nothing we could do.

This might have been said - I did not read all the thread.
If, as you say, you can afford to pay the holiday off by the time you go Why don't you put that proposed amount of money away and then book a week in the October half term?

You will then have the cash up front to pay for the holiday before you book it

Simple!

Sonnet - what seems so obvious to the rest of us, seems to be lost on the OP.

Yep, agreed!!!! I meant re gun and bullet if there is no quality of life...

I watched my dear mum (she was 72!)die from cancer a few months ago, the last few weeks of her life were bloody horrific (and thats understating it) and if she had been able to she would have gladly put her head in the oven or taken that bullet so please dont ask me to wait till I am 96!!! Apologies, but I am VERY sensitive about this at the moment......

it's all about happy mediums I guess. Of course we need to put money aside for the future but we also need to live for the moment and enjoy stuff while we can. My mum had a fabulous life, her and my dad lived in spain for a few years, had loads and loads of holidays and I am so very glad that she did...if she had money put by for when she was 96 sadly the money would have been there way after she had gone. Actually, her and my dad did/do have money but you get my drift.

Personally, I wouldn't want to go on holiday with a consolidated debt hanging over me, but I can see OP's point too. Sometimes the best answer overall isn't to take the most finacially sensible option every time.

There must be some middle ground between live for today and save for tomorrow, surely.

OP - your DP spends £720 pa (£60 pm) on his hobby. How about agreeing with your DH that you can spend up to that amount on your holiday, and put any extra from your overtime into either paying down the consolidated debt or putting some aside for a rainy day?

As an aside, and not asking you for details of the amount of consolidated debt, but based on your current repayments when should the debt be repaid? I think there's a massive difference if it's going to be repaid next year (in which case I'd be inclined to say suck it up this year and enjoy the freedom next year) or in 10 years' time.

I just think there should be balance. Yes, live in the moment and enjoy life but not to the extent that you are ignorning debt as it will not just disappear.

So sorry to hear about your mum .