To want/expect a holiday, even though we have been a bit skint?

[carmenelectra]

Basically I am really, really pissed off a DP today.

I discussed booking this years family holiday with him yesterday and completely put me off.

We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to. I am willing to sacrifice everything for a wk in the sun.

Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough. My Dp put off all of my holidays plans and asked me to wait 'to see how it goes'.

Well, it went nowhere. I usually book up quite early and take advanatge of cheaper flights and longer to pay the holiday off, get spending money clothes etc. As I waited to see how money panned out, we didn't get a holiday at all. I was furious at first, but as I understood most of our outgoings were due to my overspending I accepted it.

Roll on to this year. DP is basically saying he doesnt think we have the spare cash upfront which is true. However, I suggested booking the holiday giving ourselves the incentive and then wotking at paying it of. I have a well paid job and gets lots of regular overtime with very good pay. Dp is the same.

Now he is saying that to go away in the summer we would have to put 'X' away each month and he doesnt think it's feasible.

I thought it was all quite 'doable', but now he has put a huge spanner in the works and put a real dampener on the whole thing.

I think deep down he isnt that bothered about a holiday, he can take it or leave it, hence the lack of enthusiasum.

Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy.

So am i being unreasonable when I work all hours god sends, to expect a bloody weeks holiday?

the thing is you already knew what you were going to do before you came on here.

I find that generally people fall into the "sensible" or the "live for today" catagory, I wouldn't book a holiday for the next few years if I were in your situation, I would explain to the kids that we will go in a few years time and in the mean time I would take half the money I would have spent on a holiday and have a fantastic 6 weeks of fun in the UK. Days out random trips for pizza, picnics in the park day trips to the seaside.

I am really interested as an aside when you say

"I very much like to live for now. I am 40 and i dont want be saving all my money up for when I am a pensioner"

What do you think you are going to live off when you are a pensioner?

Op is this holiday really the only thing in your life you think you will enjoy in the whole year? Even if you do go, forgetting the money issue, you still only have one week of happiness and 51 miserable weeks. I would be depressed sitting on a beach thinking about my life if it was that bad. There must be something you enjoy or are good at that you could do all year round to improve the rest of the year? As a family we aim at day to day happiness, I don't even have a passport now and our children haven't been abroad . We have trips out, holidays in Britain and visit people. We are prioritising spending on the house so we can have a better space to enjoy ourselves.
Whatever you decide to do, think about the other 51 weeks, like you said we're a long time dead

One thing i would like to ask the op is; Are you not happy the other 51 weeks of the year then?

I just really don't understand why someone would put so much worry and stress on their families regarding money, just so they could have a week in the sun?

Holidays are great if you can afford it. I think for most though, they wouldn't be able to fully relax on a holiday knowing they had money troubles at home. I know i couldn't.

If being £12K in personal debt is your idea of 'a bit skint' I'd hate to see what your definition of majorly skint is!

The Sun will probably be doing those holidays for £15 a person vouchers soon. Can't you just go on one of those?

op I could have wrote your post word for word, you are not being unreasonable. I feel exactly the same as you and my dh is the same as yours

OP - have not read all the thread but the bottom line (voice of experience here) is - have you now paid off all your debt (other than mortgage)?. If not, then you should not be thinking of spending thousands on a holiday until you have paid off every penny. Sounds to me like you consolidated your debts and are paying them off. Do so asap. Read Martin Lewis - he is bang on. Trust me, there is nothing like being totally debt free with some savings behind you. What if one of you is ill and cannot do the overtime?

If you have paid off your debts and can save enough for the holiday fair enough (as long as you have the cash for the deposit and can pay the balance without going into debt).

Sounds like your DH has his head screwed on. Holidays are wonderful but not worth getting into debt for.

I am massivet torn on this one, we went abroad for the first time in 6 years last year (Southern Brittanny, Keycamp holiday) it was the best holiday we have ever had. The boys loved it, they still talk about it now, we were all chilled and happy. And it was sunny, we live in the Northwest so that was a blessed relief It was so much cheaper than the holidays we'd taken in the UK as well (we are lucky in that we have a relative with a place, but spending money needs to be far higher in the UK).
We have no debt (just mortgage) and DH sounds a lot like your DP Carmen in that he wants to "see" the money before he committs.
This year we are going back to the same place (and having a week All Inclusive in Turkey in Easter holidays, chav spotting no doubt ) as we suddenly remembered how important sunshine was. Again, no debt though.
In fact, I am now going back to work FT and it is partly so that we can enjoy more breaks, be they abroad or weekends in the UK. Just getting away from it all.
If your loan is fixed ( you can't just pay off £2k here and there anyway on a fixed rate, fixed term loan) and you can meet the monthly repayments in any event then I'd go.
Save up enough for half the total, speak to your DP and book it.

Coming on to a forum complaining that you can't go on a sunny holiday abroad and how it is your right to get that holiday is a sure fire way to get blasted, when there are so many hard-working people out there who would love to get away but can only ever dream of it.

YANBU to want to go away. I can understand that. So do I. YABU to expect it as a right. Unless the government grant free holidays abroad to all, because life is so unbearable without one. It's our right, after all.

YABU. You would not be the first person in the world to have to make do without a holiday abroad.

I think that this is getting red herring'd a touch. If you go abroad then you miss out on dinky little days out to the seaside/scrumping for apples in Somerset/visiting old aunty Doris in Cornwall.

We do similar inexpensive things throughout the year. We're lucky because my mum has a holiday home in Monmouthshire that we can use for nowt and we do. But we still love our times abroad. We all have our monetary (non essential) priorities and this is mine. I'd never ridicule someone for running a car as this is a luxury I manage without. Think some of you need to get off your high horse...

I am going away :)

My Dp will get over it.

OMG. I think you are actually the single most selfish and self centered person. Good luck to your DP and I hope you enjoy your holiday because if you continue to treat him like shit, I rather suspect it will be last nice thing to happen to you for a while. I doubt he will pay enough maintenance for holidays when you are a single parent.

Oh and Martin Lewis is such a dullard. I bet Mrs Lewis has a right life! Even DH who I tease for being thrifty finds M.L hardcore

I don't get it. You don't have the money.

You spent 12K of somebody else's money previously and still haven't paid it off.

By your logic every single one of us on this thread should just rush out and book a holiday because we want to even though most of us don't have the money. This attitude is half the reason why this country is in such a mess and why we're all having to tighten our belts. It's over, as a nation we've all got to change,living on credit is gone.

Interest rates are only going to go up,the interest on what you owe will go up,you will be paying more. House prices are falling,re-mortgaging is going to be even harder due to this and the loan to value rate.Re-mortgaging with debt is extremely hard you'll end up paying more per month because you won't get the good deals. You need to get rid of the debt asap,it may be out of sight but it's still there and your mortgage company take every single debt into account.

Heating,petrol and food bills are going to rocket,we aint seen nothing yet.Your total outgoings are going to go up-a lot. Last year is going to seem a picnic compared to the next few years. This is what your dp is worrying about ,you should be too.

You're bonkers,seriously.

And also, what MilaMae said - to the letter.

As above.

I just cant get over how little you think of your DP.

No respect, no consideration, no concern, nothing.

I think that shocks me more than any of the stupid BS and excuses about money and "needing" a holiday.

You should be utterly ashamed of treating that poor man so badly. You make me sick.

Milamae you should start a money saving thread, you've just psyched me out of spending money on the house

Bogeyface you rock!

:o cheers Fabby!

Glad to be of service

Dp has taught me all I know

YABU, I cant believe you would actally consider spending x amount on a holiday abroad when you owe lots on credit already.

I feel sorry for your DP, he sounds sensible and realises the debts need sorting and that money should not be wasted when you owe so much.

Its all part of the "I want it now" - have everything now and pay for it all later. Living beyond your means is not a good example to set to children either.

MilaMae - OP is not in £12,000 of debt - she just used that figure as an example, so it is probably less but could be more.

OP, YABU to go on holiday when you can't (by the sound of it) afford it.

But YAB even more U to want to go to Benidorm, Majorca, Menorca or some awful resort in Turkey, even the places that are considered "luxury"! Why do people want to go to places like this?

Resort in the middle of a desert. Everyone else is a tourist on a package holiday. All the hotels are identical. "British" food. People sitting by the swimming pool getting pissed on their all-inclusive booze (can't swim in the sea 'cause there's FISH in th sea!). Stag/hen parties. Awful nightclubs. People drinking/yelling/fighting/copulating/vomiting on the streets. Awful. Just awful.

Holidays are luxuries that you can have when everything else is bought and paid for with spare money left over, if you ain't got it you cant have it IMO, and yes i have been without holidays went 4 years without one when first had kids,