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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my dp was unreasonable?!

144 replies

Whiskymist · 05/03/2011 21:49

I'm at sahm. I love it but don't go out much. Went to Allen Carr today, paid £220 and felt very positive after. Had my "last" cigarette at 2pm and then went to get my hair cut. Got in at 7.30pm (long time for me not to smoke), and hadn't even taken my coat off when he told me how ill our dd had been today - explosive nappies, vomited 3 times, dry gagged, lying on kitchen floor limp etc. Obviously very worrying. She had very bad diarrhoea for about a month recently which was horrendous, couldn't walk her bum was so sore, wasn't eating, I went to docs at least 3 times with her. So anyway I asked (probably not in the gentlest of tones but you can understand my worry when she's been so ill for so long so recently, I am the one that has to deal with her alone all day, my coat is still on and he hasn't even asked how my course was, I've just been bombarded) - why is she ill so much?! He took an aggressive tone back, saying she wasn't ill all the time, I said she was more than I think is normal considering she doesn't have any older siblings and doesn't go to nursery, he told me to stop having a go at him - and basically it escalated into an argument and u went and bought sins ciggies and a bottle of wine! Aibu to think that he could have at least let me take my coat off and asked about my course before bombarding me, and that hd shouldn't have taken such a tone with me/given me some leeway if I was meant to be giving up smoking? I know stressful situations occur in life, but 2 minutes after walking through the door? Now I am upset I am smoking again, upset with him, and worried about my dd. He had it all under control, was waiting for em doc to call back and cleaning up sick etc so aibu to have expected him to think about me in this situation? I hardly ever go out either, so now I also feel nervous about what will happen when I do!

OP posts:
SwingOutSisters · 05/03/2011 23:25

men just dont empathise

SwingOutSisters · 05/03/2011 23:26

men just dont empathise with wives it's not in their nature (sorry missed a bit on previous post) Grin

Original poster
Whiskymist · 05/03/2011 23:27

I know! I have the same as he has most days stress-wise!

OP posts:
worraliberty · 05/03/2011 23:27

Well if you're going to miss bits Swingout I suggest you go back to troll school this very minute!! Wink

thornykate · 05/03/2011 23:27

Casmama that is the usual theory when stopping smoking but the course the OP has been on is quite the opposite; it explains to the smoker why smoking adds to stress & is a major cause of stress. FWIW I smoked the same day after the course too Blush but it did help me eventually :)

Original poster
Whiskymist · 05/03/2011 23:28

Really - do tell - when did you eventually stop?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 05/03/2011 23:29

This is AIBU, not "give me a hug"

Your daughter has been ill, your husband has had what sounds like a very stressful day of coping with a very sick child. Of course that is more bloody important than your afternoon out getting your hair done.

Your post seems to be all about "I" "me" and comes across as very selfish.

I smoke and know how hard it is to try and give up, but it is still my own fault I smoke and nobody elses.

Did you actually go and check on your daughter before stomping off to get wine and cigarettes (for you).

Original poster
Whiskymist · 05/03/2011 23:31

Nice. Do you give your children a good smack round the face to toughen them up before they go to bed?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 05/03/2011 23:32

No. Do you?

You seem very aggressive. You need to chill out and calm down a bit.

CelebratedMonkey · 05/03/2011 23:32

Whisky please don't think of the course as having been wasted. Either ask for your money back or go again or just don't smoke any more.

When I was a kid my parents were smokers and I absolutely hated it - I was delighted when they gave up.

As to the other matter, you probably know by now that most people think you were being at least a little unreasonable. It sounds like your DD was quite ill today and though you might've wanted a bit longer without being stressed, I can understand why your partner needed to unload.

Is your DD okay now?

Casmama · 05/03/2011 23:33

I've read the Allen Carr book and know his theory that every cigarette sets up the need for the next one but my point is that the physical need doesn't disappear for at least a few days so what you're talking about is absolutely true but not before the physical withdrawal symptoms have gone.

worraliberty · 05/03/2011 23:35

But surely if the OP could give up due to a positive test result and live through whatever stresses those 9 months brought, she can give up now?

abbierhodes · 05/03/2011 23:38

You are a selfish whinger, and you are creating a situation so you have an excuse for a fag. Seriously, your posts are annoyingly whiny.

ShavingGodfreysPrivates · 05/03/2011 23:38

You seem very aggressive. You need to chill out and calm down a bit

Imagine what she'd be like if she hadn't bought alcohol and ciggies Shock

Original poster
Whiskymist · 05/03/2011 23:39

She's still in bed (she was when I got in). As I chose not to work and to stay at home with her, my point isn't that I didn't want to hear about her. Most of my friends and family think I worry too much about her. But I guess that's difficult to get over to people who don't know you. Just difficult on your first day off for 2 years when you're trying to do something for your family unit, for that effort not to be acknowledged even for 1 minute, and then for your dp to take an aggressive tone when you're worried about her being ill all the time. I wish my phone would stop changing ill to I'll. Thanks for your posts, good to have some constructive criticism and some support. Why are women otherwise so nasty these days?!

OP posts:
houseworkwhore · 05/03/2011 23:39

yabu.

thornykate · 05/03/2011 23:40

The next day, & stayed of them for 6 months.

Then like an idiot I started again but I think the things I learned on that course & by reading the book never were far from my mind & over time they made more & more sense & I eventually stopped.

It's been 3 years now since I smoked & yes I did love my fags very much at one time (20 a day girl) so I know its a bloody awful addiction to have.

Really do wish you the best with it Whisky good on you for starting to stop if that makes sense!

SwingOutSisters · 05/03/2011 23:41

worraliberty Confused

Original poster
Whiskymist · 05/03/2011 23:42

Thanks thorny! And well done to you! Good to hear from someone who's not miserable and criticising on this post :-)

OP posts:
worraliberty · 05/03/2011 23:43

As I chose not to work and to stay at home with her, my point isn't that I didn't want to hear about her

What the hell does that mean? Confused

I've been a stay at home mum for 19yrs, I can't think of one single minute of that time I wouldn't want to hear about my kids being ill???

Original poster
Whiskymist · 05/03/2011 23:44

Yes exactly. If I didn't give a crap about my daughter, would I really have resigned from banking to stay at home with her? Certainly could have made more money and had an easier life if I didn't.

OP posts:
abbierhodes · 05/03/2011 23:45

As I chose not to work and to stay at home with her

Are you suggesting that you care more about your child than parents who do not stay at home? Because that's how it sounds.

worraliberty · 05/03/2011 23:46

So what do you want a medal?

Please explain why you 'didn't want to hear about her' because you've chosen to be a SAHM? By the way, that will obviously be with your partner's support.

squeakytoy · 05/03/2011 23:47

Op, have you heard of the word martyr?

Original poster
Whiskymist · 05/03/2011 23:48

Not a martyr, love brong a sahm. Why, feeling guilty?

OP posts:
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