To think my dp was unreasonable?!

[Whiskymist]

I'm at sahm. I love it but don't go out much. Went to Allen Carr today, paid £220 and felt very positive after. Had my "last" cigarette at 2pm and then went to get my hair cut. Got in at 7.30pm (long time for me not to smoke), and hadn't even taken my coat off when he told me how ill our dd had been today - explosive nappies, vomited 3 times, dry gagged, lying on kitchen floor limp etc. Obviously very worrying. She had very bad diarrhoea for about a month recently which was horrendous, couldn't walk her bum was so sore, wasn't eating, I went to docs at least 3 times with her. So anyway I asked (probably not in the gentlest of tones but you can understand my worry when she's been so ill for so long so recently, I am the one that has to deal with her alone all day, my coat is still on and he hasn't even asked how my course was, I've just been bombarded) - why is she ill so much?! He took an aggressive tone back, saying she wasn't ill all the time, I said she was more than I think is normal considering she doesn't have any older siblings and doesn't go to nursery, he told me to stop having a go at him - and basically it escalated into an argument and u went and bought sins ciggies and a bottle of wine! Aibu to think that he could have at least let me take my coat off and asked about my course before bombarding me, and that hd shouldn't have taken such a tone with me/given me some leeway if I was meant to be giving up smoking? I know stressful situations occur in life, but 2 minutes after walking through the door? Now I am upset I am smoking again, upset with him, and worried about my dd. He had it all under control, was waiting for em doc to call back and cleaning up sick etc so aibu to have expected him to think about me in this situation? I hardly ever go out either, so now I also feel nervous about what will happen when I do!

[Lucifera]

OP, did you manage to stop smoking again? It's No Smoking Day today so there are about a million people all round the UK tying to stop. Why not get advice and help from your local NHS stop smoking service - it's free!

[iscream]

You are not a bad mother. It is perfectly fine to go out, and you did go to something fairly important, quitting smoking work shop.
Your dh wasn't wrong to tell you that your dd was sick.

Hope your dd will get over this bug, and that you will see your doc about some meds to help you quit smoking.
You are both worried and stressed.
Hang in there.

[olderandwider]

I though Allen Carr died? Is he being channeled through someone else? Or is it another AC?

Actually OP, just because you smoked afterwards does not mean the treatment hasn't worked. My DH went to AC 25 years ago and smoked a few after the session for the next few weeks. He then stopped for good and has been a non-smoker for 25 years.

[DitaVonCheese]

YWBU. Tbh it sounds as though you were looking for an excuse to go out and buy fags.

FWIW, I used to smoke 20 a day for five years or so, read the Allen Carr book, met my ex for a drink that evening, bought a packet of cigarettes, shared it with him, thought "Oh, that didn't work then" and then never smoked again. Think that was probably 6-7 years ago now. Good luck.

[NinkyNonker]

Yes, some responses weren't nice, but the op was snappy first miss honest she was, it weren't me miss, she started it.

I know how hard it is to give up but today is a new day. Cut your do some slack, if he isn't as accustomed as you are to dealing with an ill child it prob stressed him out or scared him more than it would do you.

[annielouisa]

I think you were probably stressing about whether the AC was going to work and that was all on your mind and your DH ahd been worrying about your DD all day and your worlds kind of collided. I do feel you were being slighly U. If a person had come on here and reversed the gender roles and it had been a DH at AC and he'd been upset that you had recounting DD ailments and he wanted to talk about AC and chill out before listening there would probably have been calls for you to leave him.

I think you should try to get to the bottom of whats making your DD poorly as that would remove some life stress. Could it be some form of allergy is she on cows milk? I also feel it is really harsh to say a smoker (I am not one) does not care about their children or family. It is good that you are trying to give up but do not beat yourself up and become more stressed.

[EmmaBGoode]

Thanks ShavingGodfreysPrivates and sorry to OP for hijack

[ShavingGodfreysPrivates]

soggy sock thread here

[EmmaBGoode]

And erm, can somebody please post a link to the 'Wanksocks' thread

[EmmaBGoode]

Actually, I normally side with the DH on these kinds of threads, but I do feel you deserved a pat on the back for going to AC and for your DH to take some interest. I can understand you were upset that he hadn't even mentioned it before hitting you with all the stuff about your DD. I would have felt quite hurt by this. So no, YANBU. Not in my view anyway.

HOWEVER... I think you might be inclined to blame your DH for the fact that you are smoking again. Quit now - today - and don't look back.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

abbie I followed this thread last night and I didn't think she was sniping at working parents and I am a WOHM so supposedly one of those being targetting.

[abbierhodes]

Good post NinkyNonker! I agree 100%.

Cat98, it is not a personal attack, it is an honest response. The OP is coming across as incredibly self absorbed, and people are telling her so. She then started sniping at working parents.

[Cat98]

Ninkynonker - that isn't really how it's gone, is it. Lots of people haven't just said 'yabu'. They have turned it into a personal attack. I am really bloody angry about the was whisky has been treated on this thread and I think, kudos to her for not just flouncing but trying to give as good as she gets. In answer to the original q - yabu, sorry. But all the posters attacking you in such a horrible way are beyond vile. Ignore them.

[NinkyNonker]

"AIBU to think my dp was being unreasonable?"

"Yes, Yabu."

"No I'm not, you're all wrong, except those who agree with me. Aren't women nasty."

""

[alistron1]

I wonder of your DH is posting on dadsnet complsining about his missus who spent hundreds of pounds on a smoking cessation course, only to march out and buy more fags when she got home 'cos he had the temerity to tell her their DD had been ill BEFORE she got her coat off.

[rookiemater]

OP I think you need to get out a little more often, seems like you have quite a lot of accumulated stress there and it would be healthy for both you , your partner and your DD if you could take some time for yourself on a regular basis.

How about you sign up for the Race for life and do some walking/gentle jogging? It would help with your health, take your mind off cigarettes and give you a positive focus.

[HHLimbo]

OP, it seems you were feeling quite irate, this happens when giving up smoking :)
Combined with your DP feeling irate and stressed after a tough day, its no wonder you argued.

It is tough giving up smoking, dont underestimate it, but very doable and worthwhile, and loads of people manage it.

Id recommend some nicotine gum, this will take the edge off the nicotine physical addiction when you feel you need a cig, and youll be healthier.

Good luck, and I hope your DD is better soon.

[Kewcumber]

"So anyway I asked (probably not in the gentlest of tones but you can understand my worry when she's been so ill for so long so recently, I am the one that has to deal with her alone all day, my coat is still on and he hasn't even asked how my course was, I've just been bombarded) - why is she ill so much?!" you were aggressive to your DH first (who presumably assumed given your obsession with your DD that the first thing you would want to know as that she had been ill), given htat you are her primary carer, why were you wasking him "why is she ill so much"?! .

"I spend 24 hours a day think about her and looking after her, she is my life" - you are driving your DH mad with your preoccupation with your DD. I understand your concern if she is ill all the time but really, you sound like a prime candidate for going back to work to give you something else to think about rather than your DD.

You devotedness to her to the exclusion of anything/anyone else sounds a little difficult to live with.

[worraliberty]

If she's your life then why the big fuss about not being able to take off your coat before hearing how ill she's been?

I still don't see the SAHM connection either. Are you saying that if you'd continued to work, she wouldn't be your life?

[Whiskymist]

Thanks hon.

[pollyblue]

whisky - just turned midnight, so new day, new start. Hope your dd is better in the morning, and your cigarettes go in the bin and stay there

[Whiskymist]

Zzzzzxx

[pollyblue]

Recommend "wanksocks" thread too