To ask if you ever smack?

[thatwasntverycleverwasit]

I am suffering from enormous guilt having delivered one swift smack to the back of DDs legs when I was at the end of my rope (first, and I hope only, time). Yes it was unreasonable and I said sorry to her. But it seems to be a completely taboo subject - surely I can't be the only Mum to have done this?

If you smack your child, how can you teach them that hitting people is wrong?

but ...

If you take toys/treats away from your child, how can you teach them that stealing is wrong? What about 'time out'? In what other situation is it OK to shut somebody in a room or make them stay in one spot against their will? How would you feel if your DC did this to another child?

For those who think smacking is always automatically abuse, just how do you discipline your DC in the most extreme situations? Are you absolutely sure you have the moral high-ground here?

Personally, I think it depends on the child too. I always thought I would try to avoid smacking but I was never against it. Dc1 who is now 5 has never been smacked because it never got to that stage - he responded to the "low voice" or "naughty step" etc

Dc2 who is 3 just laughs at the naughty step and, as much as i love him to pieces, he can be an absolute terror sometimes. Doesn't take well to authority and is extremely stubborn! After trying everything else I tried a little smack on the bum (I always give him warning first though so he can stop whatever it is he is doing first!) and it works every time. I don't do it hard, it just shocks him really. Think children respond to things differently (also I was smacked as a child and I don't feel hard done by because of it at all).

PlentyofParsnips

I can drink wine and still have a conversation with my child about the dangers of wine ...
I can go on internet chat forums and still have a conversation with my child about the dangers of the internet...
Why are children assumed to be only capable of 'Monkey see: monkey do' type learning?

Ooo sorry Parsnips just realised you were quoting from higher up!

Have done it, but try everything else before going there. We do time outs, take toys away, no TV, no desserts. Sometimes it's the only thing that gets through to them, sometimes it's not.

Have done it, but try everything else before going there. We do time outs, take toys away, no TV, no desserts. Sometimes it's the only thing that gets through to them, sometimes it's not.

Shit sorry for the double post. Freaking iPhone.

People in glasshouses really shouldn't throw stones tobylerone

by it's very definition

I really wouldn't be questioning other people's writing skills

"I believe also, most parents who use this form, are definitely not proud that it has come to using this form, however see a need for it, when all else fails."

I agree.

Ladyofthe manor -- A ONE year old that's a baby. Just move the frigging plugs or gently keep saying no.

I have smacked my DS1 &2 about 3 times and hated it, but it has always been done when they have seriously hurt their sibling. (the most recent time was when my 5 year old deliberatly pushed his 10 month old sister in the bath for grabbing his toy, she went under the water - obviouly I was there so grabbed her out the bath and without thinking smacked DS1 in anger, felt shit think we were both in shock after so had a big talk and cuddle).

I really think people are over-thinking the issue here. To equate smacking within the context of a loving relationship to abuse is like equating using the naughty step to forcible imprisonment!

So some people smack. Big deal. It's how they choose to discipline their kids. If you have robust evidence that this causes long term harm (again not abusive disciplining) then personally I'd be very interested but I haven't seen any evidence that smacking causes any harm to the child.

If you don't have any evidence that it harms children and if it's legal, why on earth does it bother you so much? I respect that many parents choose not to smack and if they manage to appropriately disciple their children in other ways, then of course that's great. I choose to smack on rare occasions as I've found it very effective in certain situations. Why make it all into something it's not??

I agree, Stata...and yours has probably been the most sensible post thus far.

I have smacked my DCs. It is not a frequent discipline tool for us, I don't particularly think it's a very effective or creative parenting tool, but they are not scarred for life from the one or two times I have done it. The majority of the time, I am patient and can discipline effectively...but I'm human; I get tired and cranky too, or just want an easy fix, which sometimes a smack provides.

Is it an effective tool for long term learning? Probably not, and I think most of us in this thread realise that, and have a whole host of alternatives. But we're human, and NOT smacking doesn't make anyone a better parent...we all make mistakes, or wish we handled things differently.

stata - it can easily lead to abusive behaviour and by allowing it to be the norm, it is much easier for parents to hit their kids who aren't in a loving relationship to justify it as normal.

Also if used regularly it isnt very effective to stop longterm issues.

I completely agree with you on both those points tralalala.

I haven't read anything but the OP, but I am prepared to bet 100 quid - more if I had it - that someone's mentioned putting fingers in electric plugs and running into the road.

altinkum
I think what tralalala means is that smacking is the first step in physically abusive relationships. Once that's established as the norm then it's easier to become more physically violent. If smacking is not acceptable in any form then maybe that first step is harder.

x-post altinkum

Yes well done seeker. Also on the bingo card should be 'assault' and 'child abuse'

I don't think it's a dichotomous abuser/non abuser - probably more like a spectrum. Having smacking as the norm may make those with abusive tendencies more likely to fall in the realm of abuse. I don't think that's a reason to outlaw smacking or not to use, but it does make sense to me.