To ask if you ever smack?

[thatwasntverycleverwasit]

I am suffering from enormous guilt having delivered one swift smack to the back of DDs legs when I was at the end of my rope (first, and I hope only, time). Yes it was unreasonable and I said sorry to her. But it seems to be a completely taboo subject - surely I can't be the only Mum to have done this?

I don't think you're a monster. I do think you saying/quoting that smacking a child makes them feel more secure and calling it physical chastisement is chilling.

I don't doubt that there are many alternatives to smacking. However, as I've said, I've found it very effective in certain situations. I probably could use other tools in this situation but they would take much longer and cause more distress to all involved. Because the smack is rare and the ultimate tool to be used (as well as being immediate), it has the effect of quickly and effectively resolving the situation. If I did see any evidence that it causes harm, then I wouldn't smack again but the evidence doesn't show that.

It's the parenting that counts, not the smacking. There are good parents who smack and good parents who don't smack. What would make sense to me is that smacking in the context of poor parenting probably does cause more harm than poor parenting without smacking.

How is a smack not hitting?

What hula said

You know I am going to have to bow out. This thread
is depressing me. Now we have smacking, shouting and standing children in corners.

Peace and goodwill to one and all.

I'm sorry - I haven't read all the posts but feel strongly about this.

How can it ever be right to hit/smack a child when it is illegal to do so to an adult? It's like saying it's ok because they are "our property"

I have FELT like smacking one of my kids a thousand times...but have done it...NIL times. It's called self control and working out other ways to discipline - such as withdrawal of priveleges ( ? spelling)

And above all...it doesn't work! I have experienced this first hand with my family.

Does it really matter hulababy? For me, a smack indicates an open palm rather than a fist - but both can hurt, it's a matter of degree. i don't mind saying I hit my children on rare occasions but would need to qualify it by saying that the hit is a smack on a clothed bottom - big difference to a punch in the face.

Possibly swallowedAfly.

But smacking, in whatever name or form people wish to use for it, is not for me and never will be. I personally feel it is wrong and not appropriate for any child or adult. I do not feel that hitting or smacking another person, regardless of their relationship to you or their age, is right.

I admit that I do judge inwardly when I see people hit their child (I use the term hit to include all types of smacking) but wold never actually say anyting unless it was totally ott. I do persioanlly feel that it shows a parent has lost control, rightly or wrongly.

I also, personally, feel there are more effective forms of discipline and reprimand.

I am allowed this opion and stand by it. Others may feel differently, as is their right. However I do not have to agree with this.

statalover - I was referring to other posts that were claiming it was not hitting and was somethin different. To me a tap or a smack is hitting.

Well I'm the child of immigrants and I can tell you that in a lot of cultures smacking is par for the course; It's only in the Western world that smacking is a no-no.

To the people who say there is no difference between smacking a child and abusing a child, then you are saying that a huge part of the world's parents are abusing their children.

Utter nonsense and hysterical tosh IMO

I still don't understand why smacking is wrong but naughty step OK

I would never, ever smack my child. Because it's part of who I am as a person. I don't physically impose my will on others, I would never intentionally hurt another person. With the most important person in my life, whilst doing the most important job I can do in terms of guiding, teaching and respecting a person, I will never resort to hitting her. The idea is abhorrent to me.

altinkum, I think you're misunderstanding what people are saying. Yes 'physical chastisement' means what it means to you and that is how the law has decided to refer to it. But that does not mean that it's not also hitting or smacking. It is. Chastisement is an umbrella term that is used to define in law. Like conjugals. Might sound more palatable in a court (or archaic possibly ) but it's still 'sex'. Food is an umbrella term but a carrot is still a carrot. If you smack, you smack. Not that the definition really matters but as a point that's been bandied about and debated on here, it's worth just acknowledging that it doesn't really matter what you call it. It's an act not a word. Hitting is the act, chastisement is the 'endeavour'.

I have smacked my 2.5yr old DD, on very rare occasions though, sometimes I've felt bad, other times not. Non-physical discipline works as effective now she can understand more, such as taking a toy or just plain old shouting. My OH is Nigerian so he would advocate alot more physical punishment, as what he endured when he was a child (yet loves his parents to bits), but I generally think its unneccessary. My parents didn't really smack us, my mum did once, my dads steely stare was enough to bring us into line and my mums bark is definately worse than her bite. However, going back to my OH's culture, Nigerian kids are, as most African kids, hugely well behaved and respectable to their elders so maybe a bit more corporal punishment to kids over here wouldn't go amiss.

Nauseating stuff here.

I'd love to see the ones who smack their kids do it to an adult. Of they wouldn't, they''d be afraid of the consequences.

But smacking a shorter less experienced person is OK.

And as for the poster who says she'll smack her DD "until she's old enough to understand me". Who gets to decide that?

The logic of smacking people whose understanding means they can't be reasoned with means carte blanche for whacking a whole load of people with SN.

Not so clever now, eh?

Smacking is wrong wrong wrong and should be illegal.

Never.

I would consider smacking for a serious reason such as running into the road, or another similarly dangerous situation. But not for any other reason.

If you smack in anger, you cannot guarantee that you will not harm your child through smacking too hard/hitting them rather than smacking. Loss of self control is not great trait to show your child.

If you smack with control, as a deterent, as a form of sanction, you have considered it and are making a conscious choice to hurt your child. You are choosing to hurt your child. Use of violence as a form of getting results is also not a great trait to teach your child.

Smacking once as a one off and feeling so bad that you feel you need to apologise means you feel guilty, and also that you lost control. Do not feel bad about it any more, but consider whether this is a method of control that you feel is appropriate for your own child.

Apologies for writing "smacking".

I should have written "hitting".

Try putting "hitting" in all your posts when you advocate the "loving smack" and see how it plays.