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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not like 'boy' behaviour?

136 replies

Nagoo · 22/02/2011 11:48

My Ds is nearly 4.

on the whole he is a lovely lovely boy, bright articulate and kind.

Sometimes he behaves like a bloody idiot.

But it's 'boyishness' I tell him off for. Pissing about making an aeroplane out of his knife and fork, and sliding under the table, that kind of thing. He hits himself in the head and laughs, running around for his own amusement (I don't tell him off for that, try to distract him).

I worry that I am not allowing him to be a 'boy'. because I expect him to think about what he's doing and calm down a bit. I feel like I'm trying to discipline the 'boy' behaviour out of him.

AIBU to want him to be more sensible? Is it 'boy' behaviour?

OP posts:

Rollmops · 22/02/2011 20:50

Kreecher...., I am the polar opposite; I do not like girls. So it takes all kinds, I do hope we never meet

SardineQueen · 22/02/2011 21:00

runawaywife and rollmops I do hope that we never meet - it would be awful for you.

I have two children and both of them are female. It's awful isn't it. They are 18mo and 3.5. I sometimes see people looking at DD in her pushchair and these days I know that the reason they might be looking is because they despise her. You learn such a lot on MN.

One question - I have seen on these boards that many mothers of sons feel this way. Should I keep my children away from people who have boys completely, just in case they are the quite common type who loathe girls? I wouldn't want my girls to unwittingly offend anyone by being female near them.

PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 22/02/2011 21:08

sardine - you just need to check out the 'i've had a scan and it's not the desired sex' threads to see that your argument is infact slewed very much the wrong way

SardineQueen · 22/02/2011 21:17

My argument?

There's no argument, just the realisation that many of the women I see at the nursery and playground dislike my children, even poor little DD2 just sitting in her pushchair minding her own business.

Not because she's done anything, just because she's got a vagina.

I didn't realise this until I came onto MN.

Articulate · 22/02/2011 21:37

'One question - I have seen on these boards that many mothers of sons feel this way'

Sardine, I think that mums of sons (myself included) tend to become ultra defensive of boys because, as PaulaYates says, there are so many threads on MN that are anti-boy. There are, as has been pointed out to me, some threads that are anti-girl, but they are in the minority.

I personally, as a mum of boys, take great exception to these threads as I feel that boys in general get a raw deal these days, which will mean that my sons will get a raw deal, and I'm not happy about that at all.

And of course, I love my boys very much, and it pains me that some people would think that they were the less desirable gender.

I am definitely not anti-girl, I would have been as thrilled to have a girl as I was to have boys. I'm sure that your girls are adorable Sardine, just as adorable as my two .

In response to the OP...he sounds perfectly fine. Slap a grin on your face and enjoy his boyishness, he'll leave the silliness behind soon enough...and that will be a sad day, they're not little for long.

Articulate · 22/02/2011 21:43

Also, Sardine, have you read Kreecher's posts? Unfortunately people who have DC's of either gender have to put up with people's gender agenda.

Gender agenda?? I'm a poet!

4madboys · 22/02/2011 21:45

going back to the op, he sounds normal to me, you just have to encourage him to be boisterous when he can and teach him when its appropriate :)

and re the boys and girls thing, ihave four boys! and have also now got an 11week old daughter and i have to confess that i am treating her slightly differently in that i am loving dressing her in cute girl clothes (not pink tho!) but if i had had four girls and then a boy i imagine it would be the same?

i am sick of all the you must be sooo pleased to have a girl, or thank goodness you didnt have another boy comments tho. she is healthy and thats what counts and i was actually quite worried about having a girl for fear that as the only granddaughter she would maybe end up spoilt and fussed over and boys may feel left out. we have made sure this doesnt happen, but there is a definite tendency of aww she is soo sweet, soo cute blah blah blah, being compared to the boys who are all bigger and louder etc. but am sure she will be loud too, she will have to be to hold her own with four big brothers

MilaMae · 22/02/2011 21:51

Personally I find boys far easier than girls(if they're well exercised).

I have both,I know I'm lucky,I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on either.

Would just like to also point out that girls often mature quicker than boys which the op may want to consider when reflecting on her ds's behaviour.

SardineQueen · 23/02/2011 08:09

It's OK articulate, I got the message loud and clear. Seems to me like a lot hasn't changed since I was born and my grandfather said "better luck next time" to my dad. Girls have been considered undesirable since time immemorial, and this is the third thread I've seen this week with people (women, FGS, who are female themselves) saying how much they dislike girls.

Got it, message received. My children are vile, even the toddler, who can't even talk yet.

Will look forward to the next thread where people are invited to slag girls off. I'm sure there will be one along in about 5 minutes.

bumblingbovine · 23/02/2011 08:28

Sardinequeen Are you living on a different universe? The op has if anything an "anti boys" tone, the vast majority of the rest of the thread is of the "I don't like gender sterotyping" or "it is down to personality", or "he is just a child tehy all so that" vein. One or two saying they like boys though with no anti girl comments.

There are no more anti-girl posts than anto boy ones and in fact there are very few of either of those anyway. I am astonished that you feel this is an anti girl thread.

Megatron · 23/02/2011 08:34

How can anyone say they 'don't like boys/girls'? It's completely ridiculous and slightly alarming.

OP you need to let your DS be a kid, that's all. Don't tell him off for being a normal child, pick your battles for the important stuff.

cory · 23/02/2011 08:40

I've got one of each and they both have their own personalities.

SardineQueen · 23/02/2011 09:06

bumblingbovine two posters have outright said that they don't like girls full stop. This is the third thread I've seen this week.

I get it. Lots of people don't like girls. I just wish I knew which ones they were so I could keep my children from offending them by being female near them.

52Girls · 23/02/2011 09:38

There's no need to feel so sorry for yourself Sardine. Just get on with enjoying your girls, as I'll do with my boys - and understand that everyone's got an opinion sometimes - however misguided it might seem. Someone once said to me and another lady (knowing we both had boys) how happy her dh and her were that they didn't have boys. I raised an eyebrow and just thought she was slightly bonkers (not to mention rude!)

SardineQueen · 23/02/2011 10:08

It just makes me so sad and it seems to be so prevalent. Some of the things I've read have been horrible (other threads). I don't understand how anyone could look at a child and dislike them simply because they've got the "wrong" bits in their pants.

DaffadownDilly · 23/02/2011 10:14

Completely in agreement with cory.

52Girls · 23/02/2011 10:28

I read it far more about boys - how d'you think we feel?

No, really, some people just go on stereotypes. Best to ignore.

NormanTheForeman · 23/02/2011 10:39

I can kind of see the point of view of the OP. I think a lot depends on the kind of upbringing you had and what seems normal to you though. For example, I grew up with two sisters. All three of us girls were quiet, studious types, and not at all boisterous. The only male in the house was my Dad. He was geeky/nerdy type, who loved facts and figures, hated sport, and displayed no "macho" features whatsoever.

So when I became pregnant, I really wanted a girl, beacuse I felt I just wouldn't know what to do with a boy, especially if he was the type of boy who was very boisterous, liked playfighting etc. I had no idea really about boys' toys (we did have stuff like Lego and a train set when we were children, but not a lot of the other stuff boys often have).

Anyway, I had a ds. He has actually turned out not to be terribly boisterous, but his interests are quite different fom what mine were as a child. For example, he loves stuff you can take a part and put together, and always wants to know how things work. I have just ended up having to adjust my expectations and get interested in things I never thought I would be! But I don't regret having a ds at all, I think he's wonderful.

I don't know whether he is more or less boisterous than a girl would have been. I have always tried to get him to be well-behaved, and allowed him to "let off steam" but in an appropriate setting. But this hasn't been too hard in our case, as he just isn't naturally as boisterous as many of his friends. I don't know how I would have coped if he had been, but I suppose that is just my expectations, and I think most people base their expectations to a large extent on their own childhoods.

lightfantastic · 23/02/2011 10:43

Have any of the people who have so delightfully claimed to 'not like boys/girls' considered that children have genes that came from both a male and a female? It might sound like a weird point, but children are who they are thanks to parents of opposite genders - a sum of parts surely, not just a 'gender'.

As the mum of two boys who is in the early stages of pregnancy with my third (gender as yet unknown), I'm pretty much dreading all the 'you must be hoping for a girl this time' comments. People say the most awful things - a friend of a friend (with a boy and girl) said of another friend with three boys 'oh, I can't think of anything worse!' Yes, perhaps it would be a novelty to buy girls clothes this time around, and maybe as she grows I would feel a bond that is in some way different (not better, but different) to my sons - as she would be female, like me. But - to go back to my friend - can I think of worse things than having a third healthy boy? Yes, I can think of having a child with a disability, for example....people can be such idiots.

NormanTheForeman · 23/02/2011 10:47

I have to say that now I have a boy, I wouldn't change him a bit! But before I had children, I wanted a girl, simply because girls was all I knew about. It was more to do with my insecurities about being able to know how to parent a boy, because it was such an unknown.

But then, most of parenting is a bit of an unknown until you actually do it, and when you actually have a child, I think the gender pales into insignificance when compared to all the other things you have to worry about.

Megatron · 23/02/2011 10:49

I'm genuinely shocked at people saying they 'don't like' one gender. I've seen some nonsense on mumsnet before but this takes the biscuit. Do these people not like any of a particular sex or is it just children?

I have one of each, perhaps I should like one more than the other then. What a load of crap.

SardineQueen · 23/02/2011 10:58

Just want to say that I threw a bit of a wobbler earlier it was seeing the same sentiments on some different threads at the same time that made me blow a fuse.

I just thought of DD2 sitting in her pushchair beaming at everyone and wondered how on earth she could stir such a strong dislike. She can't even talk yet for crying out loud.

Megatron · 23/02/2011 11:02

I wouldn't worry about it Sardine I don't care if someone doesn't like one of my children because of their gender partly because it's not a reasonable view I could ever take seriously, and partly because I know my children are spectacular! As I'm sure are yours.

SardineQueen · 23/02/2011 11:06

Well yes they are quite something

notanumber · 23/02/2011 11:10

SardineQueen - I disagree actually. It's natural to get defensive about your babies particularly when it is folk spouting nonsense based on the gender of your precious ones, but I reckon that the 'anti-boy' comments are far more prevalent than the 'anti-girl' ones on MN.

I have one (noisy-aggressive-messy ) boy plus one (will-be-a-little-bitch-when-she's-a-teen ) girl so no axe to grind, and think I can be fairly objective...

It's all utter bollocks anyway. Check out what showofhands has to say. She always does stirling work on these threads.

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