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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not like 'boy' behaviour?

136 replies

Nagoo · 22/02/2011 11:48

My Ds is nearly 4.

on the whole he is a lovely lovely boy, bright articulate and kind.

Sometimes he behaves like a bloody idiot.

But it's 'boyishness' I tell him off for. Pissing about making an aeroplane out of his knife and fork, and sliding under the table, that kind of thing. He hits himself in the head and laughs, running around for his own amusement (I don't tell him off for that, try to distract him).

I worry that I am not allowing him to be a 'boy'. because I expect him to think about what he's doing and calm down a bit. I feel like I'm trying to discipline the 'boy' behaviour out of him.

AIBU to want him to be more sensible? Is it 'boy' behaviour?

OP posts:
ambarth · 22/02/2011 12:18

Normal behaviour for a 4 year old, my dd acts like this.

52Girls · 22/02/2011 12:20

That, SOH, is why these sort of threads are so frickin' boooring.

weegiemum · 22/02/2011 12:20

If all of this is "typical boy" behaviour I need to take my ants in her pants dd2 to the doctor to find out when the willy dropped off and probably cut off her bunches too to prevent bullying.

She is 7 and never sits still.

TheCrackFox · 22/02/2011 12:21

He's only 3, give the poor boy a break.

Poogles · 22/02/2011 12:23

Boys behaviour in our house consists of 'pull my finger'(and then farting), 'smell my bum' (whilst pulling pants down and waving his bum everywhere) and his proudest 'look Mummy I'm playing the willy banjo' (no explanation needed!). Would settle for sliding off the chair.

Thankfully the above is confined to the house when only me & DH are there... so far!! Grin

TobyLerone · 22/02/2011 12:25

I hate to tell you, OP, but it doesn't get any better. I told my 11 yr old son to get ready for the shower yesterday evening. So he stood in the living room, stripped naked, and did some kind of weird dance while shouting "WILLY!" at the top of his voice. The fact that I was laughing my head off as I told him off probably did my parenting-cred no good at all...

TobyLerone · 22/02/2011 12:25

I snorted at 'willy banjo'.

Ragwort · 22/02/2011 12:26

Agree with TobyLerone - it does not get better Grin - (Mum to 10 year old DS).

cheesesarnie · 22/02/2011 12:27

fwiw all boys are cuddlier and love their mums and all girls are princessesGrin

Original poster
Nagoo · 22/02/2011 12:28

he is cuddly, and loves him mum though....
but my DN, she's such a princess {wink} sorry, I didn't realise this was such tedious subject matter Hmm

Apocalypse he smacks himself round the head... don't really know a nice word for that?

Really what i was asking is should I be 'allowing' him to behave like this? Am i being too strict in terms of trying to stop this type of boisterous-ness

If it's not to do with being a boy (and I am pleased that most of you say it's not) then I'm less worried about it. I thought i wasn't meeting special 'boy needs' that the had Confused

OP posts:
52Girls · 22/02/2011 12:29

Oh not you, Nagoo...it's when it goes into the 'Goodgirl' 'Badboy' territory, as it usually does. Smile

Original poster
Nagoo · 22/02/2011 12:32

is being 'childish' bad behaviour when it's outside the designated zone?

i.e. my dad saying to me 'this living room is not a gymnasium'.... telling kids off for being children....

this is not a boy thing after all!

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 22/02/2011 12:33

It's not tedious, it's contrived. There's lots of lovely, interesting discussion to have around gender and behaviour, nature and nurture. But it very rarely happens. I take no issue with your op. You have valid questions about your child's behaviour. It's the inevitable progression of these threads that grates. Nagoo, you sound genuinely keen to do the 'right' thing by your child and lots of people have helped. That is all good. And your little boy sounds lovely and utterly normal.

cheesesarnie, FULL HOUSE, well done, have a biscuit.

TobyLerone · 22/02/2011 12:34

He needs to know that it's not acceptable to mess around at the dinner table. But other than that, it's perfectly normal, and IMO you should just let him get on with it. If he says or does anything particularly silly to try and impress you, give your most disdainful look and tell him how silly it is, then turn your attention and body language to something else. He's just being a child, and they don't get to do this very long.

ShowOfHands · 22/02/2011 12:35

Exactly Nagoo.

To a child, the world is a gymnasium. Growing up and behaving is teaching them to quash the urge to swing upside down off the nearest available surface. Tough lesson though. There are brilliant railings outside Barclays, I'm still desperate to hang from them screeching loudly. And I'm 30.

Habbibu · 22/02/2011 12:36

Depends what and when - the running around may be a PITA if you're in a cafe, say, but at home it's good for them to let off steam - try not to squish it too much, just make sure he behaves in appropriate settings (ie mostly when it's going to piss other people off).

Habbibu · 22/02/2011 12:36

And yeah, dd does all this. And I think I'll miss it when it's gone.

TobyLerone · 22/02/2011 12:38

He'll learn. Honestly he will. He will manage to behave appropriately and not embarrass you in public, because you will tell him what's appropriate. Think of the tiny proportion of children you see being absolute little buggers in restaurants or the supermarket, compared to the tons of well-behaved ones.

Galdem · 22/02/2011 12:39

he sounds like a normal 4 yr old. I would say try not to sweat the small stuff. There will be multiple battles over the years. Making a plane out of your cutlery and behaving like a goofy little kid (which in fairness he is) shouldn't be a huge deal.

One day he will be a teenager and they are FUCKING annoying.

Habbibu · 22/02/2011 12:45

A friend of mine with two boys keeps saying "oh, you've got all this to look forward to, it's a boy thing" about 17mo ds. I have to keep reminding her that dd (aged 4) does all the same stuff too...

bumblingbovine · 22/02/2011 12:46

I'm sure that isn't supposed to make me LOL but it has Grin

Habbibu · 22/02/2011 12:48

jeez, kreecher - why do you let them in? Especially the third - are his parents not mortified?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 22/02/2011 12:57

Habbibu, I think the parents are concerned about other aspects of their lives TBH.
At least DD will enjoy herself and her idol middle boy.

weefriend · 22/02/2011 13:09

My DD, who is not particularly girly, did similar things to my DS, he just does it with more energy. He does need more opportunity to burn off energy than she does. IMO though bad behaviour is just that wether it is done by a girl or a boy makes no difference. I hate it when small boys get into a physical fight and people dismiss it as them "being boys" or when girls are bitchy and it's ok because "that's just the way girls are". It might be true that boys are more prone to being physical but that still doesn't make thumping each other acceptable.

hurricanewyn · 22/02/2011 15:12

"i.e. my dad saying to me 'this living room is not a gymnasium'.... telling kids off for being children...."

Is this a bad thing? I frequently resort to the line you are in a supermarket, cafe etc not a playground when my two are acting up.