Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Track Down The Stranger I Stole From And Say Sorry

111 replies

YouCouldntMakeItup · 21/02/2011 21:47

...20 years later?

Namechanged obv.

I was a teenager and I committed bank card fraud. Could never do anything like that now. The person has quite a unique name and I may have found them on 192.com. I would offer to pay back the money whether or not the bank refunded it.
That is another reason I am posting, to find out if it is likely that the person got the money back, because it was over £200.

OP posts:
pinkfluffyprincess · 21/02/2011 21:49

No, because they might get you into trouble.

LaWeasel · 21/02/2011 21:51

I think it would be very big of you and only a petty person would choose to call police etc after so long.

However, you don't know anything about them. Maybe repost in legal and see what your position would be if they were to go to the police after you owned up?

Pancakeflipper · 21/02/2011 21:51

It depends on if they were careless on the theft to if they got a refund. Like if they wrote their pin number on the back of a card, or gave their pin number or other banking details to relative/friend then the bank is very likely to tell them to whistle...

If you make contact don't meant you wish to refund the money in the initial contact via if it's the wrong person and you come along offering monies - they might pretend it us them.

AuntBeast · 21/02/2011 21:52

Why not just send the money anonymously?

Pancakeflipper · 21/02/2011 21:52

I mean mention not meant... Doh

TysonNobdie86 · 21/02/2011 21:52

It was 20 years ago, you may end up finding yourself in alot of trouble with the police. If you feel you must do this then do it, but beware of the consequences. Maybe just give the money to charity.

nemofucker · 21/02/2011 21:53

Don't.
The bank should have covered it.
You are remorseful. You would never do it again.

What if you were charged with it now? Got a criminal record? Probably not a custodial sentence, but surely it would be very difficult getting a job? Most likely you would lose any job that you have now.

It's all very well feeling bad for what you did, but do not cut your nose off to spite your face. I would be willing to bet that the person involved has forgotten all about it.

Forgive yourself. Recognise what you did was wrong, forgive yourself and let it go. People do much, much worse and never lose a second of sleep over it. Not saying that you should follow suit - but find it in your heart to forgive the idiot crazy teen you once were.

TattyDevine · 21/02/2011 21:54

I'd leave it if I were you.

Rest assured you HAVE changed. Embrace that, and leave it at that.

Commit several random acts of kindness to rebalance the karma, if you believe in that.

But let it be.

malevolentpsammead · 21/02/2011 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrazyHorse · 21/02/2011 21:54

Don't offer to pay the money back, but give it back annon' if you are sure it is the same person.

If not, you should however give the amount of money you stole to charity.

NoSuchThingAsSociety · 21/02/2011 21:54

Do it but be prepared for the consequences - they are only what you deserve, albeit 20 years later...

MisSalLaneous · 21/02/2011 21:56

As long as it wasn't their fault (pin etc), the bank would have refunded the money. Give it to charity instead.

backwardpossom · 21/02/2011 21:56

Agree with those saying give the money to charity instead. What good would it do if you were to be charged with it now? None whatsoever. You're clearly remorseful and want to payback your misdemeanour, but you need to forgive yourself and let it go. Plenty of charities would welcome £200.

LessNarkyPuffin · 21/02/2011 21:57

If you want to do something send back the money with an apology anonomously. Don't write to find out if they got a refund!

FantasticDay · 21/02/2011 21:57

We all make mistakes and it's great you want to make amends - but as pink said, there is a risk. I suspect they would have got the money back. (My bank card was used fraudulately, and I did). Perhaps you could make amends by making a donation to a charity helping teenage girls at risk/rehabilitating young offenders who did get caught. (I'm assuming you didn't)

AuntiePickleBottom · 21/02/2011 21:58

see even though it seems like a good idea, you could land yourself with a criminal record for fraud which will make getting a job or keeping your current job difficult.

perhaps make a donation

pinkmagic1 · 21/02/2011 21:59

I agree with the others don't do it. The person involved has more than likely forgotten about it by now and it could cause you huge problems if they decide to report it. Many people do stupid things as teenagers that they deeply regret as adults.
I think Tysons idea of donating the money to charity is the best idea if this would help bring closure on the incident for you.

AimingForSerenity · 21/02/2011 21:59

Agree as above. Don't risk getting yourself into trouble for something that happened so long ago. Do something good with it, whether it's a charity or helping an individual you know deserves it.

RevoltingPeasant · 21/02/2011 22:00

Sorry don't know 192 - can you find their street address on that? Because if so you could leave cash with a note saying, 'I took this money from you a long time ago, love from a mystery benefactor' sort of thing...

Ripeberry · 21/02/2011 22:00

Give it to charity, or if you want forgiveness and are of the religious sort, give it to your local church.

Original poster
YouCouldntMakeItup · 21/02/2011 22:01

Ok thanks for not all leaping on me!
I was a little shit back then, I actually forged his signature on the slip that came with the card so I could steal the PIN number when it arrived.

Hateful thing to do. I can't bear that I caused someone I have never even met potentially lots of grief.

If I knew they had got the money back it would be easier to move on an do something else with the money.

OP posts:
AuntiePickleBottom · 21/02/2011 22:02

RevoltingPeasant...not a good idea because i could be the wrong person

Underachieving · 21/02/2011 22:04

YANBU to want to make amends, it's big of you. I agree though that giving it to a charity would be best after all this time. A suitable charity might be one that specialises in helping people in financial trouble, National Debtline maybe, or there are some christian ones if that's your thing.

Original poster
YouCouldntMakeItup · 21/02/2011 22:05

Oh believe me, I think karma exists!
I think I have spent most of my adult years trying to make up for things like this.

Finding £10 on two consecutive days and giving it away both times.
Buying homeless people lunch.
Not because I felt I had to but because I was moved to, and so fucking grateful that I wasn't that horrible person any more.

I didn't get caught. I was interviewed by the police though - utter brass neck.

OP posts:
plupedantic · 21/02/2011 22:06

Have you looked on 192.com/other sources again? It's worth doing that right now, regardless of what you decide to do (I guess it will take a while for you to make your decision). If the person can't be found, or has died, it will be an even bigger shock after you have already got yourself psyched up.

(Obviously, even if the person it dead, you could always contact his/her heirs to ask them to nominate a charity/good cause/give them a windfall inheritance, split in line with the terms of the person's will).

Good for you, though, thinking like this.

Swipe left for the next trending thread