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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Track Down The Stranger I Stole From And Say Sorry

111 replies

YouCouldntMakeItup · 21/02/2011 21:47

...20 years later?

Namechanged obv.

I was a teenager and I committed bank card fraud. Could never do anything like that now. The person has quite a unique name and I may have found them on 192.com. I would offer to pay back the money whether or not the bank refunded it.
That is another reason I am posting, to find out if it is likely that the person got the money back, because it was over £200.

OP posts:
wineonafridaynight · 25/02/2011 08:44

Just a thought, if you do go down the anon letter route then explain to the person how you found them. I would be a bit freaked out if someone contacted me saying they stole some money from me 20 years ago and didn't explain how they found out now where I lived.

It's an honorable action that you are doing this by the way, :)

Original poster
YouCouldntMakeItup · 25/02/2011 13:49

Ok - Update.
I got the number. I dialled it.
Answering machine.
I will call back later.

OP posts:
NorthernComfort · 25/02/2011 14:18

Good luck!

Original poster
YouCouldntMakeItup · 25/02/2011 14:44

Thanks! Nervous as hell.

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 25/02/2011 14:57

I think it's nice that you want to make ammends, however, if someone who stole from me 20 + years ago then got in touch, it would probably scare me shitless. I think you might just have to live with the guilt to a certain extent, but lessen it by giving the money to charity.

IslaValargeone · 25/02/2011 14:58

Ah x posted.
Good luck x

chipmonkey · 25/02/2011 16:10

Oh, good luck!

CeliaFate · 25/02/2011 16:18

I would freak out that you were a stalker. I'd rather live without the money. You could say your punishment has been to live with the guilt that your actions caused. If you confess now and the person involves the police, what would you do then?

oopslateagain · 25/02/2011 16:35

If this person has a rather unique name, it's not unreasonable that the OP would be able to find it on a quite easy 192 search. If I were the victim I wouldn't feel 'stalked', in fact I would be dead chuffed if someone gave me money out of the blue even if it were repayment of a theft from years ago.

Just be careful, OP, don't give the person any idea who you are and don't go to the house in person. Post the money or send via an intermediary. They could call the police even if they seem friendly/grateful.

Honeybee79 · 25/02/2011 16:56

Don't do it. Give the money to charity instead.

FattyArbuckel · 25/02/2011 17:39

If the victim already had the money reimbursed by the bank then they are free to choose to give it to a charity of their own choice.

There's nothing stalkerish/ threatening about someone giving you money in this circumstance in my view - that seems a bit paranoid

NorthernComfort · 25/02/2011 22:09

OP - have you been watching Corrie or sommat? Wink

Original poster
YouCouldntMakeItup · 26/02/2011 09:49

NC - no, is there a similar storyline?

OP posts:
NorthernComfort · 26/02/2011 10:01

Sort of - Steve Macdonald's wife stole £5k from neighbours and he's just anonymously returned it out of guilt in an envelope with a note that just said "sorry".

It's backfired on him in that he's owned up in person (even though it wasn't him) and it has not gone down well at all. However, this is Corrie, I'm sure in real life if someone returned money to a person that they would be over the moon. Grin

Have you managed to get through on the phone yet?

Iwantscallops · 26/02/2011 10:08

Just goes to show we do all make mistakes. I think it's very brave of you. Just make sure you keep it anonymous. It would also give closure to the person you stole from.

Good luck!

Original poster
YouCouldntMakeItup · 26/02/2011 10:23

No, not managed to phone yet, would rather not do it with small DC around, I need peace.

OP posts:
Snorbs · 26/02/2011 10:35

I think you're doing the right thing in trying to make amends for a previous bad choice. Good for you!

ensure · 26/02/2011 11:55

Good luck. I think you are doing the right thing.

TheEvilDead2 · 26/02/2011 12:16

Don't you guys have laws on how long you can be held accountable for things? Back home I think you could even get away with murder if you had done it 20 years ago!

I think you should tell them and pay it back.

TysonNobdie86 · 26/02/2011 12:44

£200 was worth alot more money 20 years ago.
I think its great that you are remorseful, but what if you do get arrested, what about your dc.

welshbyrd · 26/02/2011 13:03

I think what your doing is fab, FWIW, if I was the person who you did this to 20 years ago, I would be happy to have you contact me and paying me back, and I would not call the police etc x

TimeToStartACHEEKYDiet · 26/02/2011 15:59

any luck yet?

SunshineisSorry · 26/02/2011 16:21

Bloody hell, how old was teh person 20 years ago? ARe they likely to be old now? Im not sure i would know how to handle the fact that you had tracked me down - older people are intrinsicly suspicious of the internet anyway and would struggle to belive that you had found their name easily which of course it is.

I wouldn't do it - if you feel you need to asuage your guilt, donate the money to chairity and do some volunteer work, maybe helping other "little shits"Wink not to go off the rails?

TheEvilDead2 · 28/02/2011 17:12

update?

kitbit · 28/02/2011 17:45

I would be freaked out if someone tracked me down, I really would. Especially if they did me harm the first time.
Leave it to them in your will instead.

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