To think I shouldn't have to eat everything at once to ensure getting something???

[TheyDidntKillKenny]

This happens all the time in our house. We buy something and within a day or so it's all gone. DH is the main culprit. He can't just leave something there, if he knows it's there he has to eat or drink it. An example - orange juice. I like fresh orange juice in a morning. DH drinks it constantly. We used to buy one big carton but DH would drink the lot before I had chance to have any. So after coming downstairs many times to an empty carton I told DH I'd buy my own just so I knew I could have some with my breakfast. He agreed. But then what happened was, he'd drink mine too. His excuse was "well I didn't think you wanted it, it's been there 3 days". My reasoning "yes but I DID want it, just not all at once" so he'd say "well if you want it, you should have drunk it". In the end I just stopped buying orange juice because I never got any anyway. But this happens with everything. If we buy a multipack of crisps, DH will eat them. Same with biscuits etc. A few weeks ago I picked up a pack of bounty cake things, there was 5 in the packet and I was really looking forward to trying one. I went to grab one the next day only to find the empty wrapper in the cupboard. DH said "I didn't think you wanted them." So it kind of erupted into an argument last night. Last week I bought 2 multipacks of muller light yogurts. By thursday there were only 2 left. DH said "I've saved us some of these before the kids eat them, which one do you want, toffee or cheesecake flavour?" I said "Toffee, it's the only flavour I like". So he eats the other one. Last night I remembered about the toffee yogurt, went to get it and needless to say, it had gone. DH said "well you should make sure you get in there before anyone else!". I shouldn't have to!!!! I said "I'm getting sick of this, if you don't scoff everything at once in this house you don't bloody get anything". He just went really quiet. I said "sod it, I'll have a snowball instead". Needless to say, they'd all gone too. I never got chance to try them either.

I know it sounds petty (hence the name-change, as I have another 'sensitive' thread going on that I don't want mixing with this one) but AIBU to think I deserve a bit more respect here?? Is it right that if you're part of a family it's a free-for-all with the food and that if you don't eat it instantly it's tough shit that you never get anything? Half the time I feel like hiding stuff I buy but I shouldn't have to!

thanks, LWITW, i think i will, i have an appointment to see him tomorrow (again) for a review. i dont know what i expect him to do, im sure its not a wave a magic wand type of thing, and i dont know what i can expect on the nhs, i would love to have a course of hypnotherepy or cognitive behaviour treatment or something but i very much doubt you can get these things without doing so privately.
my mum has the same problems, and much of my behaviours are learnt from her.
you said something that really rang true there though, i can eat all that food and still feel empty.

that is it excactly, i think i think, ill eat this one more thing and i will stop feeling empty, but i never do. i dont feel better, instead of relialisng it wont make me feel better, i repetedly keep trying.

round peg. square hole, like a monkey.

bubbub... that's really awful. Poor you, you sound so distressed! You definitely need to talk to someone. Have you told your GP that the weight is coming back?

Oops x-post with you bubbub.

I think LWITW's idea of printing off your post and taking it in to the Dr. is excellent. You came across really well.

Sorry to hear that bubbub. I hope your appointment tomorrow goes well.

thanks! and sorry for hijacking your post, my first mnet post and its taking over someone elses!

OP. Am I your DH??? If there's any snack food (crisps, sweets, biscuits) in the house, I will eat it all on the same day I definitely prefer junk to real food. This week cocolate fingers have been on bogof at Tesco...I've practically lived on them...I do try nt to keep it in the house, and when I buy it I do so in the full knowledge that it will be eaten on the same day. I hide it from DD as I don't want her eating as much rubbish as I do

In my case I'm lucky that DH doesn't like snacky stuff, he'll buy himself chocolate once in a while, mostly keeps it in his car, if it's in the house and I eat it I go out and buy more to replace it.

Your DH needs to replace or control himself, most unfair for the rest of you to miss out.

bubbub... I have never before wanted to hug somebody online as I want to hug you. I feel so sad that you've been struggling with this for so long. Your posts say it all, they really do.

I really have my fingers crossed for you for tomorrow. You deserve that help, it is a mental health issue and just because you've tackled the weight side of things, that was only half the story - and the least important side too - your mental health and feelings have got to be tackled and you just can't do that on your own.

Could you do a bit of googling and see what is available generally across the UK, helpwise? Then you can go to your appointment tomorrow, armed with all the information your GP needs to help you.

I'm so rooting for you... I think everyone is. :)

Bubbub I hope your Dr helps you. You know you have a problem, the DR should do something to help you. That is what he gets paid for. If he doesn't offer any help, ask for a second opinion.

OP my Dh used to be like yours. He came from a farming family where they all rushed, in ate a cooked meal then rushed back out again. When he gave up farming he carried on rushing meals and hoovering everything up. I ended up having serious words with him as the DDs were starting to copy him. He actually started a diet a month ago and is doing well. His brother who has developed severe diabetes [same hoovering behaviour] was told last week if he didn't lose weight he will not see his young DC grow up.

If your DH isn't realising the effect his behaviour is having on himself, you and the DC, he needs to get some help.

Hi all

Just read this thread with interest and much empathy.

Butterbur and bubbub (have a huge on-line hug btw) - I am/have been an emotional eater/food addict and can understand where you are coming from. I say am/have been as, along with a load of other MNers, I went to the Paul McKenna seminar over the weekend and something in the hypnosis and eating programme there is gradually clicking in my mind and even in a few days I'm starting to feel a lot more in control of food. It doesn't work for everyone btw, but there are several of us on the PM thread here who are changing our attitudes to food and really breaking out of the bingeing cycle. Please do come along and join us if you feel like it - we're a nice supportive bunch.

One of the key things I've learnt is that I AM NOT A BAD PERSON FOR OVEREATING, JUST SOMEONE WHO HAS DEVELOPED SOME POOR EATING HABITS, which I am hopefully in the process of changing.

Although it's too late for the seminar, there are books/CDs etc available and possibly hypnotists locally. The point is to break out of the dieting/bingeing mentality and start to respect yourself and your body and reprogramme your brain into eating in a more sensible way.

I hope this doesn't come over as too evangelical. It's really early days for me and I've been fairly sceptical in some ways (particularly of certain aspects) but I can certainly feel that certain triggers are changing in my brain.

Just read your post bubbub. I so hope your GP will be able to offer some help now, while you still seem so self aaware and open to receiving it.
Thinking of you for tomorrow

Thankfully this doesn't happen in our house. But I have a feeling it will on holiday (we are taking DH's DCs too, who don't live with us). So instead of buying loads of snacky food and having them argue over it, we are instead giving them each a tenner to spend on whatever crisps, sweets etc they want for the week. They eat it too fast? That's their problem :o

Hope it goes well bubbub - do not accept the dr fobbing you off xx

If money is tight and he has a weight issue then stop buying all that stuff. You can have a secret stash of non fridge stuff like crisps for you only in one of your clothes drawers. Or perhaps put a lock on one of the kitchen cupboards? Tesco do value 200ml cartons of orange juice that are fairly cheap so add that to your secret stash.

Although it sounds harsh, he clearly has food issues and just telling him that its not for him is not going to work. I think you also need to sign up up to SW/WW and go with him to the meetings.

In terms of the yoghurt & other fridge stuff, put a sticker on the ones you want when you get them home and warn EVERYONE that you will be furious if anyone eats your yoghurt and that you do want it, even if its still there. If that fails you are going to have to lock the fridge.

Yes he is being unreasonable but I doubt he can help it.

Two light-hearted suggestions.

In order to be 'adult' about it you'd probably want to tell him this is what you are doing.

1. A tit for tat system:

Every time he eats something you have asked him not to then deduct an item of treats / snacks off the shopping for the following week.
e.g. Last yoghurt vanishes? No biscuits next week, apples instead.

1. An on-your-bike system:

He eats the last treat, you send him out on foot or bike to the shops to get you a replacement. Every time, without fail, regardless of the time of day or night. A couple of weeks trudging to the 24hr garage at silly o'clock in the rain and he might get the message.

Obviously this may not be appropriate if he has a genuine eating disorder.

Arse, just seen the 6 pages to this thread, and light-hearted suggestions may not have been the greatest idea.

So sorry if last post was insensitive.

Hi bubub,

I don't know where you live but there are NHS resources. The place I attended is in the link.

www.kmpt.nhs.uk/eatingdisorders

However it is a secondary care referal unless you have only recently had a problem so your GP may not be able to refer you, but he can refer you for psychotherapy, CBT etc and they can refer you on.

Good luck, ask to see another GP if he laughs at you again as that is not accesptable.

PD

acceptable! previewed it and everything!

If this is an isolated issue then I agree with the other posters, it sounds like he could have a compulsive eating disorder and perhaps he should seek help for it.

BUT if there are any other control issues going on, then this could be another part of that. Obviously I don't know your history and I don't want to barge in making accusations, but XP definitely did this and it was part of a much bigger picture which the bottom line was, he didn't really respect me or consider my feelings important at all, and was quite contemptuous etc towards me - so for example if I was saving something he'd eat it and he wouldn't ever say it in these exact words, but pretty much he was gloating as if to say "Her way is so STUPID, she's leaving herself wide open to being exploited" as well as just "Oh look, she hasn't eaten that, but I fancy it, so tough."

I'll leave that with you OP - it might or might not be relevant, but I expect you'll know if it is. You don't have to share obviously.

My DH is like this - I tried asking him nicely not to eat everything in one session but he's just not capable.

Fortunately he also can't cook so where possible I try to buy food which needs prepared - so would DH still lamb into the OJ if he had to squeeze it first? Mine wouldn't.

I also get your frustration at having to hide food. But the alternative is that you never ever get any blooming chocolate when you want some. So here's my list of favourite places to hide food:
On top of cupboards
Behind the cutlery insert in the drawer
In corner cupboards behind the roundabout thing or underneath it
Any drawer/cabinet you can lock

(That's a bit sad isn't it??? It works though!)

Op- you have my sympathy. It is the same in my house but instead of dh eating all the "goodies" it is the kids.

The worst thing is when they eat things intended for their packed lunch.

Some good tips on hiding places though!!!!!

Also don't deprive yourself of goodies but I am in a similar position to you, especially when dh tells me I should either not buy any treats or hurry up and eat them!!!!

SOunds like a dodgy sharehouse not a partnership.

Bubbub... How did your appointment go? Was your GP any more helpful?

I hide food in my knicker drawer usually. I have all kinds of chocolate in there.

Has you DH always had this eating disorder?
Was he deprived food as a child so feels he has to eat everything at once or is he just greedy and badly raised?

Put Exlax in all the chocolate cakes that will stop the pig