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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn't have to eat everything at once to ensure getting something???

154 replies

TheyDidntKillKenny · 21/02/2011 16:41

This happens all the time in our house. We buy something and within a day or so it's all gone. DH is the main culprit. He can't just leave something there, if he knows it's there he has to eat or drink it. An example - orange juice. I like fresh orange juice in a morning. DH drinks it constantly. We used to buy one big carton but DH would drink the lot before I had chance to have any. So after coming downstairs many times to an empty carton I told DH I'd buy my own just so I knew I could have some with my breakfast. He agreed. But then what happened was, he'd drink mine too. His excuse was "well I didn't think you wanted it, it's been there 3 days". My reasoning "yes but I DID want it, just not all at once" so he'd say "well if you want it, you should have drunk it". In the end I just stopped buying orange juice because I never got any anyway. But this happens with everything. If we buy a multipack of crisps, DH will eat them. Same with biscuits etc. A few weeks ago I picked up a pack of bounty cake things, there was 5 in the packet and I was really looking forward to trying one. I went to grab one the next day only to find the empty wrapper in the cupboard. DH said "I didn't think you wanted them." So it kind of erupted into an argument last night. Last week I bought 2 multipacks of muller light yogurts. By thursday there were only 2 left. DH said "I've saved us some of these before the kids eat them, which one do you want, toffee or cheesecake flavour?" I said "Toffee, it's the only flavour I like". So he eats the other one. Last night I remembered about the toffee yogurt, went to get it and needless to say, it had gone. DH said "well you should make sure you get in there before anyone else!". I shouldn't have to!!!! I said "I'm getting sick of this, if you don't scoff everything at once in this house you don't bloody get anything". He just went really quiet. I said "sod it, I'll have a snowball instead". Needless to say, they'd all gone too. I never got chance to try them either.

I know it sounds petty (hence the name-change, as I have another 'sensitive' thread going on that I don't want mixing with this one) but AIBU to think I deserve a bit more respect here?? Is it right that if you're part of a family it's a free-for-all with the food and that if you don't eat it instantly it's tough shit that you never get anything? Half the time I feel like hiding stuff I buy but I shouldn't have to!

OP posts:
breatheslowly · 21/02/2011 19:08

YANBU - I am not sure why, but of all the unreasonable behaviours I have seen on here, this is the one that I think I would feel most annoyed by.

LoopyLiz88 · 21/02/2011 19:27

I do all the shopping. I buy snacks once a month and do a weekly shop for everything else. Usually about a week after I buy snacks they're gone and he just has to do without or go to the shop himself. I have a container under the bed with snacks for the kids. He knows NOT to eat them.

worldgonemad72 · 21/02/2011 19:44

YANBU, he sounds like a greedy pig. Extreme i know but get lock boxes with your names on and store your own goodies in there, buy individual cartons of orange and put one in the freezer as soon as you get up, it'll be chilled enough for breakfast then.

NoDiving · 21/02/2011 19:52

My exH used to do this, the very worst was when I woke one morning to find he'd emptied the DC's advent calendars. He didn't see the issue no matter how often I raised it.

BringOnTheGoat · 21/02/2011 20:01

Gah - hate this too - my Dad always 'finishes things off' - I say 'where's all the (insert tasty item) gone?' - answer 'I thought I should finish it off'. WHY???? Selfish!

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 21/02/2011 20:36

My first husband was the same; my eldest DD was a baby and I'd go downstairs to make her breakfast and he'd have eaten all the weetabix, all the Ready Brek and taken her pack of rusks to work to snack on. We didn't have a lot of money so our food budget was tight, yet he'd think nothing of eating everything himself leaving me and DD to survive on toast. Arsehole!

atswimtwolengths · 21/02/2011 21:12

brightermornings I thought you said your child was in the boot of your car! Bit of an extreme way to stop your son eating your treats!

atswimtwolengths · 21/02/2011 21:13

It's so horrible, though, to think you have to hide things from your own husband. He's so bloody selfish, eating everything in sight.

Gemsy83 · 21/02/2011 21:26

Exactly the same with my OH. Drives me mad, selfish beyond belief.

chillichill · 21/02/2011 21:27

what about doing your shopping on line? less impulse snack buying.
and instead of buying crisp buy pop corn but the real kind, not micro, that way its cheaper and if he wants it he has to make it so less likely to scoff the lot.

Edinburghlass · 21/02/2011 21:42

I hide treats and snacks in spare cupboards. So does my husband, so occasionally we both get nice surprises! This only works for non-perishables. I agree with the idea of an online shop so he's not tempted to tuck into unhealthy food. Do you work? Can you hide food in a fridge at work and have your preferred yoghurts there so you don't mind not having them at home?

bebemooneedsabreak · 21/02/2011 21:51

LOL (but in a sympathetic way) I read this OP title and remembered my childhood...anything of any taste was gone in a day or so...there was 5 kids and a dad who ate very large midnight snacks. You really felt obliged to eat the yummy stuff as quick as you could or you'd be the one left out...

I learned to buy things for myself or to hide food in my room...tho it doesn't sound like that's work for you as I imagine you share a room with your dh...
It's not unreasonable and I'd have a good long talk with everyone in the house. Maybe every week everyone can choose a single treat food which is theirs and everyone else had to ask to share? Or give everyone £5 and then they can buy their own treats which are theirs specifically?

(in our house it was never resolved until everyone moved out and my mom decided dad was going on a diet whether he liked it or not Wink)

Herecomesthesciencebint · 21/02/2011 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moomaa · 21/02/2011 22:04

Eating the kid's yoghurts was seriously mean Angry Have you sent him to buy them replacements? Have you got him to tell the kids where their yoghurts are?

I am a compulsive eater too but I don't eat other people's food. I just scoff my share in a day and then have to wait a week until I get any more while DH happily has a small piece of whatever a day.

JustaNickname · 21/02/2011 22:40

I actually want to hug you because the same thing used to happen to me :( I don't know how you haven't murdered him.

sabi333 · 21/02/2011 22:51

Would it be easier to think of it as an addiction? You wouldn't leave alcohol or drugs out on the kitchen table and expect him to stay away. I think you are enabling him by buying (or letting him buy) these foods you know he'll eat and leaving them in plain sight. You wouldn't do it if he was an alcoholic and you fancied a bottle of wine. Or if he was a gambler and wanted to go to a pub with the pokies.

I would say he definitely needs counseling and to be banned from going shopping with you. Besides that I guess he needs to want to change - perhaps threat of separation would be a catalyst? Or a stern health warning from his doctor? Or a show about the possible long-term effect of diabetes.

With the kids food, perhaps put them in a box and write something like 'these are for the kids - do not touch' etc on it

PurpleCrazyHorse · 21/02/2011 22:58

DH isn't a compulsive eater but sometimes eats things I've bought specifically for my lunch (like weight watcher snacks etc). I tend to take them to work and keep them in my desk now.

I also buy the cookie ready mix packets. Clearly we wouldn't eat the raw ingredients but when we do fancy a sweet munch, it's only 15mins to bake warm cookies Grin Works quite well as we'll eat the 4 or so cookies we bake but don't have a packet to scoff in the biscuit barrel.

SecretNutellaFix · 21/02/2011 23:24

My DH has a similar issue.

It has become less of am issue recently as his mates do take the piss. calling him a "crisp monster" for example.

I tend to buy him muller rice in packs when on offer and me yoghurts because he hates them. Cakes he can leave if the box is unopened, but once it has been opened then as far as he is concerned it's fair game.

It is so frustrating, especially as it always seems worse when money is tight.

mitochondria · 21/02/2011 23:33

YANBU.

My husband used to be a bit like this - he grew up with two brothers, a greedy dad, and a free-for-all in the kitchen that meant all the snacks disappeared within about 10 minutes of his mum getting in with the shopping.

Student living can be a bit like this too - you have to eat your food before somebody steals it.

An idea for the juice - get a juicer and real oranges - you can make your own juice for breakfast (doesn't take that long), but I expect he probably won't bother to squeeze oranges.

You shouldn't have to, though. Grown-ups shouldn't behave like this.

PrincessStarla · 21/02/2011 23:37

I grew up in a house like this- it was eat or be eaten.

My dad literally panics about food- who's eaten my xxxx, what time is dinner, what's for dinner next week thursday...the list goes on.

I put it down to him growing up as one of four kids to a lone parent struggling to make ends meet. It was like survival of the fittest in his early years, hence his obsession with food to this day.

GiddyPickle · 22/02/2011 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sparkle12mar08 · 22/02/2011 13:28

I just couldn't be with a person like this. I honestly couldn't. Whether you call it addiction, compulsive eating or just plain selfishness, the ramifications on the whole family are intolerable. Grown up should know better, or know themselves well enough to get help at least.

firstforthought · 22/02/2011 13:46

hide stuff!

2rebecca · 22/02/2011 13:57

I'd discuss this with him and say you feel he is greedy and taking more than his share of the nice food. Tell him that you don't want to put names on things but there are x people in the family so he shouldn't take more than 1/x of the food. I'd also not be happy with my husband constantly snacking, it sets a poor example for the kids.
Otherwise you stop buying all the snacky stuff. If my husband had a weight problem I wouldn't buy snacks.
Tell him the alternative to him stopping being greedy is that when the shopping gets put away you have to spell out to him exactly how much of the food is his to eat.
If you have several kids you've probably been together a while so I wonder why you've chosen now to tackle the problem. Has your husband got greedier? If my bloke pigged all the food we'd be discussing it early on. It's selfish and unpleasant behaviour. Tell him it makes you lose respect for him.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/02/2011 14:03

He's an adult, he has free will and there isn't the money to indulge his greedy habit.

OP... perhaps ask your own GP for advice on tackling this. Perhaps if somebody whose authority your DH would accept, were to tell him that his behaviour must change, he would more readily take it from them than from you?

It's not just exasperating, it's incredibly selfish. I don't know of any female compulsive overeaters who would eat their childrens' food in this way. So it's something that can be changed and your DH is going to have to make that change.