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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn't have to eat everything at once to ensure getting something???

154 replies

TheyDidntKillKenny · 21/02/2011 16:41

This happens all the time in our house. We buy something and within a day or so it's all gone. DH is the main culprit. He can't just leave something there, if he knows it's there he has to eat or drink it. An example - orange juice. I like fresh orange juice in a morning. DH drinks it constantly. We used to buy one big carton but DH would drink the lot before I had chance to have any. So after coming downstairs many times to an empty carton I told DH I'd buy my own just so I knew I could have some with my breakfast. He agreed. But then what happened was, he'd drink mine too. His excuse was "well I didn't think you wanted it, it's been there 3 days". My reasoning "yes but I DID want it, just not all at once" so he'd say "well if you want it, you should have drunk it". In the end I just stopped buying orange juice because I never got any anyway. But this happens with everything. If we buy a multipack of crisps, DH will eat them. Same with biscuits etc. A few weeks ago I picked up a pack of bounty cake things, there was 5 in the packet and I was really looking forward to trying one. I went to grab one the next day only to find the empty wrapper in the cupboard. DH said "I didn't think you wanted them." So it kind of erupted into an argument last night. Last week I bought 2 multipacks of muller light yogurts. By thursday there were only 2 left. DH said "I've saved us some of these before the kids eat them, which one do you want, toffee or cheesecake flavour?" I said "Toffee, it's the only flavour I like". So he eats the other one. Last night I remembered about the toffee yogurt, went to get it and needless to say, it had gone. DH said "well you should make sure you get in there before anyone else!". I shouldn't have to!!!! I said "I'm getting sick of this, if you don't scoff everything at once in this house you don't bloody get anything". He just went really quiet. I said "sod it, I'll have a snowball instead". Needless to say, they'd all gone too. I never got chance to try them either.

I know it sounds petty (hence the name-change, as I have another 'sensitive' thread going on that I don't want mixing with this one) but AIBU to think I deserve a bit more respect here?? Is it right that if you're part of a family it's a free-for-all with the food and that if you don't eat it instantly it's tough shit that you never get anything? Half the time I feel like hiding stuff I buy but I shouldn't have to!

OP posts:
FrogGreen · 21/02/2011 17:26

OP, poor you, reading your post I am re-living my student days! At uni I had a compulsive eater flat-mate for a while - a really great friend who I adored, but regularly wanted to throttle e.g. the time he ate two feet of chorizo sausage that I'd been given as a present... and then couldn't remember that he'd done it (you'd think his guts would've reminded him.)

Student flat-mate solutions:
-1- post-it notes
-2- "my shelf" and "your shelf" in the fridge/pantry
-3- buy one of those small toolbox/cashbox type things for your food and put a padlock on it.

controlpantsandgladrags · 21/02/2011 17:26

Have you started a thread about this before, or was that someone else? There was a very similar thread a while ago IIRC.

crystalglasses · 21/02/2011 17:28

Sorry to say I'm like your dh. I never buy biscuits or crisps because thetyy play on my mind and i eat them even though I'm not all that fond of them. My dh likes a biscuit from time to time and he hides them from.

He used to keep a store of chocolate bars and lock them in a suitcase and give me one from time to time whenever he had one. it just made me laugh.

diddl · 21/02/2011 17:29

He eats something because he thinks that you are not going to?

Weird!

Can´t he just ask if you still want it, & if you do, just leave it alone?

Tolalola · 21/02/2011 17:29

Omg, OP, my DP is the same as yours and it drives me MAD. I am quite happy to leave something yummy in the fridge for days until I feel like eating it, but he will scoff the lot.

e.g. Some Lebanese friends of ours brought us a back bag of pistachios last time they went. I was literally begging DP not to eat them all, as I love pistachios but didn't want to eat them immediately just for the sake of it. I wanted to wait until I wanted them. I eventually got about 2 small handfuls out of a 1 kilo bag.

The list of food that I can no longer buy is ridiculous, but there's just no point, as DP eats it before anyone else gets a look in, and by the time I go looking for it, it's gone.

This includes:
sweeties/chocolate (any kind)
nuts (any kind)
hard cheese
crisps/popcorn/any kind of snack, basically
biscuits or crackers
raisins/sultanas
juice
any kind of lunch meat
peanut butter
alcohol, esp beer
cake or anything baked except bread
any pudding except yoghurt.

I quite like having some of those things in stock for when I feel like it occasionally, or as ingredients for lunches etc but I can't, cos he has absolutely no impulse control Hmm.

ToffeePenny · 21/02/2011 17:36

I had a flatmate like this - he'd come from a family where if they left treats/easter eggs/white bread 'for later' the dad would eat them all up and they'd have to go without. It meant that he had grown up with a compulsion to eat anything he classed as a treat on sight, regardless whether he actually wanted it.

We got through it by keeping a lot of the same treats in the house - mostly ice cream and large bars of chocolate - more in store than he could manage to eat without being dreadfully sick. It took about 6 months (and I dread to think how much he consumed in that time) but eventually he'd had enough and was able to leave them in the cupboard.

May be worth a try in the interests of getting some treats occasionally marital harmony.

Never managed to get him off the white bread fixation though - seriously, who else can eat an entire loaf as toast and remain stick thin

NorthernComfort · 21/02/2011 17:41

Definitely talk to him about it. Explain it to him like you have here, and maybe get him some counselling/CBT if it's really a big problem.

Failing that, lock your stuff up somewhere else and just buy stuff for three straight meals a day.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/02/2011 17:46

Does he overeat anything, OP, or just treats like cakes, yoghurts, sweets, etc.? My understanding of compulsive eaters is that they will eat whatever is about.

If it's just easily accessible treats then it's just plain greed. Your DH needs to understand that what comes into the house is divisible by however many of you there are and that he has no right to take more than his fair share.

My Dad was exactly like this - but used to eat our dinners too if we weren't quick enough. He ate a whole trifle once, it was for a dinner party, he sneaked it upstairs and scoffed it within minutes. Confused

Chandon · 21/02/2011 17:50

I think he is rude and inconsiderate.

Whenever my DH has a snack, he offers me one. As in : "I reallyy fancy some cake, do you want some too?" I often say no, but at least I know more or less what gets eaten.

Also, I always tell him certain things are for the kids lunchboxes and he shouldn't eat them please. I keep lunchbox stuff in a special place. So he knows.

I have a "munchie" cupboard for stuff I don't mind if DH/guests/me polishes it off. I keep it stocked with chocolate and nuts and crisps. But not always. I no longer buy beer as he cannot rest if he knows it's there and will have 8 pints in one night to get through it ASAP. The awkward thing is, if we have guests I need to go out and BUY beer! New solution though: I keep some "emergency" beer bottles where DH will never find them (in the cleaning up cupboard. How sad is that.)

good luck, it IS annoying!

Chandon · 21/02/2011 17:52

the psychological analysis of my DH is that he had 4 siblings, and they were really poor, so you had to be quick, and that is a habbit that's hard to quit.

BalloonSlayer · 21/02/2011 17:53

squeakytoy is indeed a genius.

For non-freezer items I would suggest am empty super tampax box in the bathroom cabinet as a good hiding place.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/02/2011 17:54

Quick, yes... I can understand that - but why other people's food as well as your own?

My Dad was young in the second World War but I very much doubt whether anybody in that time would have taken more than their fair share.

KathyImLost · 21/02/2011 17:55

OP, are you the same person who wrote about her DH having his stomach stapled a while ago? If so he needs to speak to someone. You're going to drive yourself nuts having the same argument over and over.

purplepidjin · 21/02/2011 18:00

Someone bought nice yoghurts for your kids, and your DP ate them? If he was aware they were bought for the kids, I'd have a long chat with him about stealing! Maybe some harsh language would get the point home?

In the interests of healthy eating, I think you should stop buying cake, biscuits, chocolate, crisps etc - if you want a treat, you have to walk to the shop to get it!

eatmyfood · 21/02/2011 18:01

Agree your DH needs help. Buying more isn't going to resolve the problem.

My friend had a nanny who was a compulsive eater and got through scary amounts of food. They once went away for the weekend and she got through a box of 48 Mars Bars. Another time she ended up in A and E believing she was having a heart attack. In fact she was suffering from severe constipation and trapped wind due to eating a 12 egg omelette and an entire loaf of bread.

givemushypeasachance · 21/02/2011 18:05

Some people do seem to be of the "lion persuasion" when it comes to treat food - as though they've tracked down and caught the wildebeast and need to gorge themselves on it now while the carcass is available before some bigger predator comes and steals it. One of my old flatmates was the same - he'd get a double pack of jamie dodgers (100% extra free so quite a few biscuits!) and eat them all over the course of an afternoon, then wonder why he wasn't hungry for tea. Biscuits won't evaporate if they're left unattended in a biscuit barrel for a few days - why not eat a few and make them last? I always thought it was because he had an older brother growing up who probably did finish off any nice food lying around, and he hadn't quite moved on from those early lessons in sweet-thievery.

NoSuchThingAsSociety · 21/02/2011 18:06

Sounds very inconsiderate - share and share alike.

nomoreheels · 21/02/2011 18:37

Sounds like it's all the "easy to stuff in yer gob" snacks that are the problem. Stop buying them for the house & just have fruit, toast & proper meal ingredients available.

I'd agree that you need a very carefully concealed/locked up stash of your own non perishable treats, and anything else will need to be bought when you're out. It's a massive pain but will save you so much rage.

navyblueknickers · 21/02/2011 18:42

My OH is the same, but it's greed or gluttony in his case.

In his case it's because of a weak mother. He and his sister would be bought sweets for example, OH would eat his immediately, his sister would save them. Next day Sis would have some more of her sweets, OH would then tell Mum it's not fair, and weak Mum would insist Sis shares. To this day she cannot see how this is unfair, and how that she has shown him that greed is rewarded and how saving things is punished.

I no longer have bisuits in the house - a pack of digestives is consumed in three helpings (less if I'm not around to scowl at him), crisps just disappear. My biggest bugbear is coke. I like a glass occassionally. But if we buy a 2L bottle, I may get a small glass (yes he does only pour me a small glass, whislt he gets a lage glass), and he drinks the rest. I solved this by buying 2 bottles, 1 diet fo rme and one not for him.

OP I feel for you. You OH needs help.

I made mine face reality when I asked his friend in front of him, (he's an insurance specialist), whether OH's policy would pay out on suicide if he continued to eat himself to death, or if I "murdered" him by feeding his gluttony, whether it would still pay out to me.

atswimtwolengths · 21/02/2011 18:53

I know exactly how you feel, OP.

If I were you I'd do as someone said above - buy no sweets/nice things at all for a week. When he asks where things are, say that you never ever have anything, so you wanted him to see what it feels like.

The problem is the children. I don't think it's fair to expect them not to have anything nice throughout the week. Do you have family nearby where you can leave things for their lunches etc?

KittaKatta · 21/02/2011 18:55

Sorry the big family argument is crap, I?m one of 8 and if anything you were more conscious of finishing anything in case someone else hadn?t had a taste and usually it was just a taste. He?s a greedy bugger and needs telling, and then needs treating like the child he acting like. And if ot comes to hiding things from him so that you DC?s don?t lose out so be it

KatieMiddleton · 21/02/2011 18:57

How irritating. I don't see why you should have to hide things or not buy things you want because your dh has no self control. As well as being selfish and lacking in self discipline is he also lazy? If he is I'd be tempted to just buy ingredients knowning he won't eat them.

Or you could get revenge... When I was a student I lived with a selfish cow who used to steal food. So one night (when I was a bit drunk) some friends and I decided to teach this girl a lesson and put wee in with the little bit of drink left in the bottom of my bottle of squash. We knew from experience she wouldn't think twice about just helping herself to the last of someone else's drink. And of course she drank it. Grin

Bogeyface · 21/02/2011 18:57

I agree that you need to insist on doing the shopping yourself. A genuine compulsive eater will eat anything but he wants nice snacky things.

Could you do the shopping online for a couple of weeks and not put anything snacky in the shop and see what he does? See if he still gorges or goes to the shop for junk or does without. That will show you whether he does have a genuine issue that needs help, or whether he is a greedy selfish bastard who doesnt give a toss about you or the kids eating well.

Food is obviously an issue for him, but I think you need to ascertain in what way it is an issue to be able to sort out the solution.

This might help you see if he has a genuine eating disorder or not.

brightermornings · 21/02/2011 18:58

My eldest ds is the same in my boot of my car are monster munch and kit-kats . He's getting better but I do have to hide things.

thisisyesterday · 21/02/2011 19:06

my dp is exactly the same

i end up hiding stuff, but you know i really feel like i shouldn't have to!
i keep on and on at him about doing it... pointing out that the children and I would like to maybe have 1 or 2 biscuits each afternoon with a cup of tea. but he still will eat a whole pack in a day or 2
if i buy more he eats more.

it's SO selfish