Smokers

[boredbuthappy]

My best friend is a heavy smoker and has not stopped going on about how she can't wait to babysit. I'm 37 weeks now and the reality of the baby coming has set in very well and I've realized (not that that I didn't know it before, but suddenly my instincts are much more prominent) that I do not want smoke, second-hand smoke, anyone smelling of smoke anywhere near my child.

I told her that I was not going to let her anywhere near the baby if she smelled of cigarettes even if it's ever so slightly. She was very offended by this and told me that it wasn't going to do the baby any good by "wraping him in cotton wool".

I'm just curious to know hoe other people deal with this issue. Have no doubt, I'm not backing down, my baby-my rules, but how do you keep people from deciding you are going OTT with the protectiveness??

You will laugh in a year or so at how little this matters.

Your baby will be exposed to far far worse than a fag smelling person, I assure you.

Your baby, your rules. I am a smoker so couldn't really keep DD| away from me, I just didn't smoke when she was around. You can either kill me for chuffing my life away, or applaud my kindness for not blowing smoke at DD.

You can't with smokers. Some just don't get it and some don't want to acknowledge the realities of what they do or how they smell.
The girls at work that smoke moan about the horrible pictures on the packets saying they know it does that but they don't want to see it - I think that says a lot.

My youngest sister moaned at me a few years ago that I clearly didn't like her dh. I explained that it wasn't him personally, I'm sure he's a very nice man, but he smoked and I wasn't having that around my pfb baby.

YANBU - smokers stink, often even when not actually puffing away -wouldn't inflict that on a small baby.

You are likely to lose a best friend over this if your stance is going to be so rigid.

Fine, dont allow anyone to smoke near the baby, fine, dont allow anyone to smoke in the house.. but you cant put your child inside a plastic bubble forever.

Yes, your baby, your rules, but be prepared for isolating yourself if you are expecting to keep your child in a total smoke smelling free zone.

Are you also going to ban people who have recently been in a car, or people who are wearing perfume?

Theyremybiscuits This is why I'm asking, because I can't tell if I'm being hormnal or not. I still don't like the idea of smokey anything near my baby, who isn't even here yet. The thing is, I would like it if she would just say agree to what I'm asking her, for the first little while anyway. I used to be a smoker as well, quit when I found out I was pregnant, and I was intially shocked at how easy it was (probably because I had a very good reason to motivate me). All I ask is that I not be accused of "wrapping my baby in cotton wool" as she did. Is it really that unreasonable to expect people to respect my wishes, even if I probably won't be too bothered after a few months?

I would in a heartbeat agree to something like this if the roles were reversed.

I dunno...

Actually, my children have been reared in a practically smoke free enviroment, it's not that hard these days. I was raised in a house with smokers - never got used to it - the smell actually made me gag.

I can't see how you can enforce this rule without banning her from seeing your child completely.

'I told her that I was not going to let her anywhere near the baby if she smelled of cigarettes even if it's ever so slightly.' - as a non-smoker I can smell smoke on somebody's breath even if they haven't had a cigarette for hours and have eaten a packet of extra strong mints, I can smell smoke on a jumper in a charity shop even though it has been washed before being put on display, and I can smell when a workman is having a crafty fag outside in my garden, even if the windows and doors are closed and he's several metres away behind the shed!

It's a very pungent, lingering smell - you will smell it on her, no matter how hard she tries to adhere to your wishes, so you need to decide how much you value her friendship and how much of a risk to your baby's health you consider her 'smokiness' to be.

Giddypickle This is what I am finding as well. People are looking at me like I'm crazy when I express my concerns about 3rd hand smoke. Like I said, I used to smoke as well, not heavily but enough that I didn't detect the smell on others or myself, and since having quit I can smell it from a mile away...and it stinks. My friend will stink of it well after she's been out for a fag and back. I smell it on her clothes and on her breath and I've told her that it's actually pretty offenseive and that she should try and quit or cut down like she's been saying she wants to do. But when it comes to the baby, she becomes defensive.

I just don't understand why it's okay to discuss the smoking issue and why it's a bad habit, but not when the reason is my baby's health??? This really annoys me.

If "wrapping my baby in cotton wool" means not wanting to expose your child to poisonous toxins that are easily avoidable, then I'd say so be it. If your friend (or anyone else for that matter) doesn't get it and feels defensive about it, then that's just not your problem.

That's what I figure as well...my responsibility to protect my baby vs keeping friend happy? I don't really see a conundrum there.

It does make me a little sad though that my friend does not feel that my concern is justified. Would've been nice to be able to trust her with my child!

Some smokers can be very defensive about their addiction, don't take it personally. Anyone with half a brain should know how unacceptable it is to expose children to smoking, but plenty of people put their own needs first on this one. Hopefully your friend will see your point of view more if she has children of her own.

Is this a troll post to annoy smokers

YABU and what's more, once you have the bub, you'll be so desperate for anyone to babysit so you can have a night out, that the faint whiff of Eau de JPS will be a complete non-factor.

It's not like she's going to be smoking in the baby's face

ps I am a non-smoker

My husband smokes n I have same views of not wanting 2 nd/3rd hand smoke nr my babies. ( I am an ex smoker) if hubby's wants time wiv bub he has to have clean top n clean hands, as does any other smokers who comes into my home, n hubby's has to smoke outside. I'm also the same if people who have pets come to visit, I make them wash there hands n take jumpers off that r covered in pet hair. Even the inlaws. Didn't sit well wiv any at first, but tuff my home, my baby, my rules, and it's a small price for them to pay to have a roll in my Childs life.

right

you are being a pregnant nutter here

you really are

not allowing anyone who smells of cigarette smoke around the baby is pfb madness of the highest degree

do you live on a mountain top, on a car fee island?
only eat organic?
dress organic?
all things in the household made from natural organic products?

what about your make up and shampoo? hair dye? showergel? i hope you haven't used anything with chemicals in whilst pregnant

it's natural to want to protect your baby but watch out for things that will actually do harm and live

@ bagged.

OP, of course it is reasonable to say 'don't smoke around my baby' but not letting her anywhere near if she smells even slightly of cigarettes is OTT. You are basically saying she is banned from coming within ten feet of your baby, ever.

YANBU.

As for being 'so desperate for anyone to babysit', well, that ha not been my experience at all.
I believe third hand smoke poses a real health threat, and see nothing wrong in looking out for my child's well-being and comfort. Stick to your guns. Those saying you may lose a best friend over this ... well, equally, she is losing YOU, as SHE is the one choosing cigarettes. You are choosing you child - it's a no brainer, isn't it! :)

YANBU it's your baby, and you will make your own decisions about his/her wellbeing. I used to smoke, I dont anymore. When DD2 was born DP was still smoking, and I told him he had to change his top, wash his hands, brush his teeth and wait 30 mins before holding her if he'd had a fag. I didn't think my demands were 'over the top', and nor did he.

It's not your job to keep your friend happy, all you need to do is inform her of your decision not to have people smelling of smoke near your baby. She can like it or lump it.

sometimes using the term "no brainer" really is accurate, isn't it?

i've got 5 and i smoke but it has never done any harm to them i don't smoke in the house and i make other people smoke out side as well. but all im saying is all my kids are very healthy and thats all that matters

This is how I feel. I can't control what 'other people' do or what goes on outside but my question was about my BEST FREIND, not about products in my home (which I can have control over if I so choose). I am a little disappointed that she thinks it's unreasonable that I don't want her to sell of smoke near the baby, especially since she wants to be a babysitter!

You'd think someone who claims to love you and your unborn baby already, is knitting jumpers for baby etc, would want to keep mummy happy as well.

It's not just about health for me, though that is the main thing - it is also the plain unpleasantness of the stench. Smokers STINK.