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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

crisps at a child's party?

153 replies

macdoodle · 20/02/2011 21:59

I may very well be being a bit precious, I can take it.
Went to a friends childs 3rd party today, in a hall with bouncy castle and lunch.
Had DD1 (age 9) and DD2 (age 3).
Get there, all running around having fun, food about 10 mins from coming out (according to mum).
When another mum produces a bag of crisps and gives it to her daughter, who doesnt just sit quietly and eat it, but runs around flourishing a large bag of pom bears (yes really).
My DD2 comes to sit with me crying, she wants crisps, and I can feel a tantrum brewing, she is most likely hungry, tired and run ragged now. But would have been fine to wait for party food if another child hadn't been eating a bag of crisps. Said child also refused to share a single crisp.
Had to be very firm with DD2, and food arrived just in time.

Now I am not sure, it all seemed a bit unneccesary as the food was on its way, she wasnt going to starve (she has no medical problems I know mum well, she is also 3), and a few were upset wanting crisps.
On the other hand she has every right to feed her child what she wants when she wants. Just a bit thoughtless, and I guess I'm annoyed because it upset mine.

OP posts:
mommmmyof2 · 20/02/2011 23:43

I think it is always annoying when someone gives their child something infront of your child as you no what is coming next (most of the time!) so don't think YABU to feel bit annoyed but don't think the other mom was either.

She proberly didn't realise she was causing any problems and yes unfortunatly our children cannot always have what others have and do have to learn.

But this is AIBU and it may not be the most seriouse issue in the world but it mattered to you today that is all that matters Grin

usualsuspect · 20/02/2011 23:46

I think that whatever stops your child whinging is ok [lazy arse parent]

readywithwellies · 20/02/2011 23:46

I wouldn't have given my dcs crisps at a party, I may have given them a drink or fruit if they were complaining they were hungry. YANBU

shoesies · 20/02/2011 23:48

I'm reading this thread on my phone and KEEP reading pom bear as porn bear...

Now totally unable to focus on whether or not it is U due to horrible visions of "adult" snacks. Sooo wrong.

working9while5 · 20/02/2011 23:52

Rev084, I get the point about preparedness re: snacks but am with readywithwellies on this. I seem to have all sorts of things in case hunger strikes in my bag - think a mix of bananas, blueberries, milk, babybels, rice cakes, yogurts, breadsticks etc - these rarely provoke much jealousy in other kids though? I don't have a child of this age yet but would hope I would hold off on giving crisps/sweets in front of other kids because to me, it is setting up a situation in which the other kids are going to start with whinging "Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuum, why don't YOU have nicer snacks for me?" even where parents have come armed with an array of foodstuffs to fill their tinies' tummies.

AlfalfaMum · 21/02/2011 00:07

Awhiteelephantintheroom, no the party was in our house; they left to go to the shop up the road and returned with toy for her dc. I thought it was fairly "out there" too - but not all that surprising for this particular parent/child :o
We actually had lots of little toy cars and things as prizes so it was quite unnecessary apart from anything else.

I just had to go and find a pack of Pom Bears in the kitchen :o

Original poster
macdoodle · 21/02/2011 00:24

Actaully I did have some snacks (well old ones smooshed in my handbag), some raisins, and cracked up snack bar Shock Funnily enough DD2 did not want these particualr snacks, so I knew she wasn't starving. TBH I am now going out with less and less emergency stuff as I think she is of the age where she does need to learn some patience.
Anyways am all calm now, apart from not getting DD1 to bed till gone 11 Shock and all will be forgotten by tomorrow!

I may buy some pom bears especially for our next meet with this mother and child and make a point of making DD2 share "as she so enjoyed the one she had at the party" Grin

OP posts:
doley · 21/02/2011 03:24

I think you had a right to be fed up ...

Like me, you would not have done it right ?

that is the main reason why is grates (I think ) .

Unfortunately these things happen too often these days.

My youngest is 2( and a tiny bit ) at that age it is VERY difficult to reason and explain ...especially with the crisps in her face .

So YANBU at all :)

anonymosity · 21/02/2011 03:37

Oh lord OP you have to be joking. Please say you're joking. I am losing the will to live.

GotArt · 21/02/2011 03:55

I would have given my DD a piece of fruit or drink but not crisps and definitely would be a sit down and eat it, not run around with it in front of the other kids. Thoughtless mom, that's all.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 21/02/2011 04:14

was helping myself to a choccy biccy when this 3/4yr old girl come right up close looking at what I was doing, I gave the poor girl one

Rev, I would have been furious if you'd given my child a chocolate biscuit without checking with me. Kids are curious at that age; looking at what you were eating doesn't mean they're poor deprived little urchins forced to eat brown rice and lentils, so save the "she should have been more prepared" and stop handing out chocolate to complete strangers.

Ahem.

Macdoodle, I'm completely with you on the original question. The equation appears to be - from Pom Bear Mother's perspective - should I risk a tantrum from my child in making her wait ten minutez for party food, or give her some junk and risk tantrums from all the other children? Clearly, the latter is much ruder than the former.

iscream · 21/02/2011 04:44

I think the other mom was inconsiderate of all of the other children. Isn't the rule bring enough for everyone or bring nothing at all? That was how we were raised.

MrsDaffodill · 21/02/2011 08:35

I think the other mother was being inconsiderate and I have never seen it happen at a party so would have been surprised to see it.

Not a biggie, but a bit odd.

Ormirian · 21/02/2011 08:38

Inconsiderate. But more importantly very rude!

ThePosieParker · 21/02/2011 08:40

A mother was thoughtless to you child by allowing her own child to eat????!!!!

Good God.

LadyOfTheManor · 21/02/2011 08:47

If you'd given in to her, you'd be paying for it in years to come.

A tad thoughtless on the other mum's behalf...but this is where it begins...

"Mum so-and-so has a laptop/ipod/new car/pony, if I don't get one I shall throw a tantrum".

What happens then?

solooovely · 21/02/2011 08:52

I can see where you are coming from. A bit weird the other mum given her child crisps right before the birthday lunch as well. I'm assuming that her child ate no sandwiches or anything else like that and jumped straight from crisps to cake/jelly?

Normally I think you just have to put up with it when other children are given snacks in front of yours and you know that yours are going to get upset, it's part of life. But doing that at a party just before the food is served is weird on her part. I think I would have just said "no i'm sorry you can't have crisps right now as the birthday food is about to come out and you're all going to sit down for a lovely lunch" . . . loudly.

mrsgetonwithit · 21/02/2011 09:03

This is not real is it?

Original poster
macdoodle · 21/02/2011 09:05

Almost exactly what I did say. Tired and hungry 3 year old not the most reasonable funny enough. Mixed responses all happy in the mac house.

OP posts:
solooovely · 21/02/2011 09:19

Yeah the demands for food and snacks can be a nightmare!

atthecarwash · 21/02/2011 09:29

There are worse things in life than crying over bear crisps.

compo · 21/02/2011 09:29

Well done macdoodle for explaining yourself Grin
hope you have a better day today !

120 · 21/02/2011 09:33

poochela, my question exactly.

Gemsy83 · 21/02/2011 10:17

Ive never took my own food to a party BUT in places like a soft play centre I may buy my DD one of those slush type drinks, other kids go 'mummmmmmm can I have oneeeee' their Mums say 'no you cannot' and job done. Should I have to refuse my daughter certain beverages in case it causes mortal offence to others at the party?

momentsintime · 21/02/2011 10:17

YABVU. Make sure you dd has whatever snacks you deem acceptable so she doesnt get hungry, if that's why she was about to tantrum and I agree that she learned a half decent lesson there about not always getting what you want when you want it - prob the real reason for the threatening tantrum. kids, eh?