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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

crisps at a child's party?

153 replies

macdoodle · 20/02/2011 21:59

I may very well be being a bit precious, I can take it.
Went to a friends childs 3rd party today, in a hall with bouncy castle and lunch.
Had DD1 (age 9) and DD2 (age 3).
Get there, all running around having fun, food about 10 mins from coming out (according to mum).
When another mum produces a bag of crisps and gives it to her daughter, who doesnt just sit quietly and eat it, but runs around flourishing a large bag of pom bears (yes really).
My DD2 comes to sit with me crying, she wants crisps, and I can feel a tantrum brewing, she is most likely hungry, tired and run ragged now. But would have been fine to wait for party food if another child hadn't been eating a bag of crisps. Said child also refused to share a single crisp.
Had to be very firm with DD2, and food arrived just in time.

Now I am not sure, it all seemed a bit unneccesary as the food was on its way, she wasnt going to starve (she has no medical problems I know mum well, she is also 3), and a few were upset wanting crisps.
On the other hand she has every right to feed her child what she wants when she wants. Just a bit thoughtless, and I guess I'm annoyed because it upset mine.

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 20/02/2011 23:06

Yes, what happened to sharing? Hmm

SpringHeeledJack · 20/02/2011 23:06

bupcakes roffle roffle roffle @skag

you've still got it

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 20/02/2011 23:07

But you are sort of saying you think the other mum should have based her parenting around what suited your child because you said that the mum had given her crisps when it was bound to cause upset. And as you say, the hall was small, so the only other option would have been for the mum not to give her daughter the crisps.

Maybe the child has a medical condition that means she needs to eat regularly? It really doesn't bother me if people give their child food in front of my children, it certainly wouldn't prompt me to get all huffy and think they'd been inconsiderate. The not-sharing isn't nice and if one of my children wouldn't share then I would do the same as MrsRhett and take the crisps back off them, however your daughter didn't have an automatic right to have a crisp from the child as you seem to think.

SpringHeeledJack · 20/02/2011 23:09

oh ffs

no one has a medical condition that requires them to eat pom bears ten minutes before tea time

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 20/02/2011 23:10

Well there might not be a condition specifically requiring Pom Bears, I agree, but 10 minutes of waiting to eat might have made a difference if this child had a medical condition.

bupcakesandcunting · 20/02/2011 23:11

Medical condition - pikeyitis; consumption of Pom Bear required to avoid meltdown.

Tangle · 20/02/2011 23:14

Awhiteelephant

Its basic manners. You don't act in a way that you know is likely to upset a lot of other people unless you really have no choice. macdoodle knows the other mother and child, and says there are no medical issues - if the mother really wanted her daughter to have the crisps then yes, that's her right - but is it her right to then allow her DD to act in a way that causes maximum upset to the maximum number of children? THAT's when it becomes downright rude and inconsiderate.

Her DD didn't have to have the crisps right then. If her DD had to have the crisps then she didn't have to have them in the hall full of hungry children - and she certainly didn't have to wave them in front of all the other children whilst not sharing.

rachy82 · 20/02/2011 23:16

Every one is banging on about parenting and the other mum seeing to her chlds hunger needs but what about common courtosy?? You dont just take your own snack to a party no matter what your age(adult or child), its rude. You may not like that you have to wait for the buffet but you have to, thats life. That other mum is teaching her child a bad lesson in that next time she at a party (no matter what the age) and she's hungry, she gonna be stomping round looking for her @pom poms!!

cinpin · 20/02/2011 23:16

I think the mother who took crisps along was just plain rude.

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 20/02/2011 23:17

I really couldn't get myself worked up over it though Tangle; I would simply say to my child "those crisps belong to that little girl, you'll be getting something to eat very soon". Okay, it might be a little inconsiderate that the child was allowed to wander round and wasn't made to share, but honestly there are far worse things to get annoyed over.

rachy82 · 20/02/2011 23:18

I'm with you Mcdoodle. :)

bupcakesandcunting · 20/02/2011 23:22

Would you go to a wedding and whilst you're waiting for luncheon to be served, whip out a bag of Nice n Spicy Nik Naks, just because you CBA to wait?

No. It is rude. And don't give me this mince about it being different when it's kids. Kids must learn that the world doesn't dance to the tune of their tummy rumbles. They're not going to starve in ten minutes...

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 20/02/2011 23:24

But the OP was basically saying that the world should dance to the tune of her child's tummy rumbles as she expected the child to share her crisps with her daughter.

PMSL at the thought of someone eating Spicy Nik Naks at a posh wedding reception. Bleurgh

KurriKurri · 20/02/2011 23:26

Agree with bupcakes - it's rude when someone's gone to the trouble of providing party food to produce your own snack ten minutes before its served.

Seems to be a lot of 'OP should have told her DD no, she's got to learn blah blah blah' - she did tell her no.

Pom Bear mum should have told her dd to wait. And if my kids had waved crisps around other children refusing to share, they'd have had the crisps taken off them.

Original poster
macdoodle · 20/02/2011 23:26

white elephant thats exactly what I did do, but a crying soggy 3yr old just about to throw a paddy is a little sad, all for a few pom bears? As it is she did NOT have a paddy, obviously down to my lovely calm parenting skills Grin
She then ate all her dinner (all 4 little sausages, cheese and ham sandwhiches, and cold pizza yum yum)!

OP posts:
bupcakesandcunting · 20/02/2011 23:28

Nowt wrong with spicy Nik Naks thankeweverymuch.

Original poster
macdoodle · 20/02/2011 23:28

Yes exactly my point :) I did tell my DD she had to wait,they weren't hers, lunch was coming yada yada.
Other mum said nothing, just shrugged when her daughter refused to share and ran off brandisging her crisps at another child.
Bad manners IMO, and I think her daughter is learning immediate gratification.
We meet at swimming, and the kids share all the snacks after, and my daughter always shares Grin

OP posts:
bupcakesandcunting · 20/02/2011 23:29

PS I don't think that Macdoodle was narky because of not sharing but because Pom Bear mother was being a bit of a dunderhead wrt appearance of crisps/ructions they would cause...

AlfalfaMum · 20/02/2011 23:31

yanbu - mother was rude, and she should have forced her dd to share with yours having caused the upset.

I had a party for dd3's birthday recently, and one of the mothers took her dc off in the middle of the party to buy them a toy, returning with new toys for her dc Shock I thought that was a bit rude too.
Term PFB was invented for this mother/child :o

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 20/02/2011 23:34

Macdoodle, perhaps then the mum was trying to stave off a tantrum in her DD. Maybe her DD has loud, embarrassing, long-winded tantrums and she finds it hard to deal with them so she gave her the Pom Bears to keep her happy. Of course there's no excuse for the child parading around with the crisps and not sharing though....

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 20/02/2011 23:36

Alfalfamum, taking her child off in the middle of a party to buy a toy is just plain weird. Did she just leave the party to go to the shop and then come back or did the party venue sell toys? If it's the former then I think it's even weirder of her.

bupcakesandcunting · 20/02/2011 23:37

You can't use food as a bartering tool to avoid meltdowns, IMO. It breeds an unhealthy attitude to food.

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 20/02/2011 23:38

I don't necessarily think it's right to do that, Cunting, just giving a possible reason as to why the mum might have given her child the crisps.

bupcakesandcunting · 20/02/2011 23:40

The only possible reason is that Pom Bear mum is a lazy parent who needs to re-think her stance on casual snacking.

Rev084 · 20/02/2011 23:42

I have a DD of 2, I take snacks (try to take healthy stuff though occasionally not) everywhere I go, even if I plan to buy us lunch wherever we're going. Toddlers have small stomachs so you're never sure when they might feel peckish. I would have taken snacks to a party because 1)I wouldn't neccessarily know when the food was being served and 2)whether my daughter would like the food on offer, I would probably give her something to eat before she went out too.

I took my DD to zoo the other weekend, had sh*tloads of snacks in the pram, was helping myself to a choccy biccy when this 3/4yr old girl come right up close looking at what I was doing, I gave the poor girl one and her nan came over to apologise, I'm not bothered but can't help but feel parents etc. should be more prepared.