To not even consider breastfeeding

[Ilovemybreasts]

Currently pregnant with no 2, breastfed no 1 to around six months and HATED the experience so not keen to repeat it for several reasons.

1)Felt like a big, leaky, highly uncomfortable cow for the whole time and could not wait to have my body back.

2. Have seen the physical effects of breast feeding two children on several of my friends and it ain't pretty. My breasts are large and have only just recovered from the first feeding frenzy. Two shirt-spaced cycles of constant swelling and shrinking would not be good for their wellbeing! Although my body has borne children I still like to look and feel attractive; being a mother is not my whole identity and not an excuse to let my health and image fall by the wayside.

3. Hours spent pumping and clusterfeeding and mucking about led to a very tired and stressed out me and this time I will have a toddler also needing my time and attention.

4. The many benefits of breastfeeding are not entirely obvious to me. Dc1 still gets ill and picks up bugs as much as several other children we know who were exclusively ff.

5. I became a complete bf bore, bleating on to everyone about it and it's benefits. I swear it took over my life when I should have just been enjoying my baby.

Flame away. Convince me otherwise. Am I likely to be judged for this in real life?

Who said it was gree? People are just talking about giving the best start....

The baby will care if the mother is pressurised/ forced in to doing something with her body that she just does not want to do/ does not enjoy/ does not feel right about and spirls into a depression because of this. I know some people (including myself and have seen it discussed on a thread recently) who have had PND encouraged/ accelerated (if they are even the words?!) because of this.

BF is brilliant, if you want to. FF is fantastic if you dont. Simple as. I find it really ridiculous that so much emphasis is placed on what really is a minor drop in the ocean in this whole parenting lark.

Actually Barbie, I believe that bf actually reduces the risk of PND. Obviously, again, there are no guarantees...

Well barbielovesken what's wrong with any of those quotes you mentioned?! Aren't we allowed to have an opinion on bf?! Am I not allowed to think that women who choose not to bf because they 'want their bodies back' are selfish? I am not asking anyone to agree but it is my opinion and I don see anything wrong with stating it

I am sure you have certain opinions on things!

I see nothing wrong with those statements at all, they are opinions just like some others said they find bf creepy etc

There is nothing wrong with an opinion and if you are happy in your own opinions it doesnt have any bearing really

BarbieLovesKen - not enjoying breastfeeding doesn't always result in a mum with PND.

There are lots of aspects of being a mother that people find emotionally and sometimes physically difficult. They don't usually take out their frustrations on their child.

And not liking breastfeeding doesn't stop your milk protecting your baby from illness.

I am sure many of us who talk about bf mean bf If you can, not bf to the detriment of your health and sanity! But the fact is, many people choose not to bf for reasons that I personally see as incredibly selfish - baby should come first and for me
That means bf if you can

"BF is brilliant, if you want to. FF is fantastic if you dont"

If babies were able to express and opinion I don't think many of them would CHOOSE to eat freeze dried, reconstituted milk as their only food for the first six months of their life. I mean - most human beings prefer FRESH food don't they? Why would a baby be different?

Thank you to those who have wished me well and said such kind things to me.

Yes, I'm fine now but it came at a price of a long course of radio and all that entails, years of Tamoxifen and other medication, the removal of my ovaries to prevent a recurrence, miscarriage at the time I was diagnosed, saying goodbye to any chance of the son I longed for and already had a name for, a lot of side effects to the 2 lots of surgery, a whole year of the supposedly prime of my life stolen from me, missing so much of the normal stuff that my then 5 and 7 year olds were doing because of surgery, appointments, sheer exhaustion, seeing my children sobbing and asking if I was going to die and could they catch cancer (thanks ex husband for telling them what was wrong with mummy), a huge fuck up in my income and ongoing problems with my arm and ability to lift/carry and a total inability for my body to regulate its own temperature... plus the feeling for so long of utter despair as I woke each morning and realisation set in within the 30 seconds it took my brain to accustom itself to being awake that I might not make it and my children would have no-one.

And yes, I am selfish for decideing not to breastfeed and I don't regret my decision one bit. I hold my hands up to selfishness. :)

So true cleofarta!

people arnt just talking about giving the best start though they are calling people who choose not to bf selfish, immature and undeserving to bea mother.

In certain cercumstances it isnt the best start if you have a mother who is despretly unhappy about feeding their baby and feeling unsupported in thier choices whichever choice that is then its not the best start for the baby. It wasnt for dd1.

Whatever.

Do what you like, but how do you know bottle feeding will be any easier? You don't have to be a militant BFer, but since you were, you're now going to seem a real hypocrite to your friends.

Cleofarta I'm thinking you were quite near the back of the queue when they were handing out sensitivity and tact.

Sorry gree - but as cleofartra said - your feelings about bf don't actually prevent your milk from protecting your baby from illness and providing them with the perfect nutrition that they need. I am not belittling your feelings btw - of course there should be support for those who are feeling as you did - and definitely more of it! I'm just pointing out that from the baby's point of view your milk was doing its job regardless of how you felt about it so it is still the best start for them.

We're all products of our environments.

And this is a formula feeding culture.

Most people take the path of least resistance when it comes to something that's challenging and unfamiliar. Why would breastfeeding be any different?

"Cleofarta I'm thinking you were quite near the back of the queue when they were handing out sensitivity and tact"

Oh but people talk such utter wishy-washy bollocks about baby feeding. If I'd wanted to read comments like "BF is brilliant, if you want to. FF is fantastic if you dont. Simple as" I could have gone to NETMUMS.

And I've got tooth-ache and am feeling cross.

Do you think your kids ask how they were fed?

oh dear cleo :( Do you have tea tree oil? It works quite well as a mouth rinse (diluted of course!) but it numbs it a bit and can help if there's a bit of an infection.

usual, maybe - but I think what is perhaps more important is that they SEE how you are feeding their siblings etc. I find it very sad that most children think baby's milk comes from a bottle :(

ACtually - what is probably more disturbing is that most people thing that cow's milk is 'normal' and breastmilk is weird! :)

dont be cross cleofarta, you talk a lot of sense

gree - i think it is selfish i am being honest, but i never said anything about undeserving to be a mum or anything like that! did anyone really say that? i can't see that

anyway, look we all have different opinions and some of us have strong bf opinions and we have a right to say them and others have a right to say theirs and disagree!

it does sometimes seem that the facts about bf are glossed over by many and i dont see how they can be really but thats just me!

No you are wrong ...the bf I know just bf ...that makes it normal just doing it ,without banging on

but i like banging on!

Well yes usual it would, except that bf are the minority in RL and are usually the ones under pressure to stop/top up/cover up etc so that is hardly presenting it as 'normal'.

The problem is that cheerful "breastfeeding is natural and easy" comments don't help if you have tried and failed spectacularly. I did and my boy wouldn't latch and that was all I could think about for the first few weeks. So in my case, breastfeeding efforts certainly didn't help with pnd, it actually aggravated how low and failing I felt.

At hospital I was patronized by the head midwife and yet nobody had time to help in practice. It was surreal, and I had to express for 4 months non stop so my son could get the benefit. Was it quick and easy? Absolutely not, all I did was pump, feed and wash; I was delighted to stop once I stopped thinking formula was poison.

For the record, my two beloved aunts (not related by blood to me or to eachother) that got breast cancer had both breastfed their children religiously. If anything, it shows a massive amount of smugness and a shortsighted character to directly attribute breast cancer to not breastfeeding. It may lower risks but it doesn't mean you'll get it if you don't. Valhalla, I'm really offended on your behalf, I think you were far too polite in your replies.

I am actually very pro-breastfeeding, I always try to help and advise fellow mums that struggle and plan to try even harder with my next child, but I find some over pedantic pro-breastfeeding women really insensitive and up themselves. It's milk, not nectar for god's sake.