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Original poster

To not even consider breastfeeding

423 replies

Ilovemybreasts · 20/02/2011 16:39

Currently pregnant with no 2, breastfed no 1 to around six months and HATED the experience so not keen to repeat it for several reasons.

1)Felt like a big, leaky, highly uncomfortable cow for the whole time and could not wait to have my body back.

  1. Have seen the physical effects of breast feeding two children on several of my friends and it ain't pretty. My breasts are large and have only just recovered from the first feeding frenzy. Two shirt-spaced cycles of constant swelling and shrinking would not be good for their wellbeing! Although my body has borne children I still like to look and feel attractive; being a mother is not my whole identity and not an excuse to let my health and image fall by the wayside.

  2. Hours spent pumping and clusterfeeding and mucking about led to a very tired and stressed out me and this time I will have a toddler also needing my time and attention.

  3. The many benefits of breastfeeding are not entirely obvious to me. Dc1 still gets ill and picks up bugs as much as several other children we know who were exclusively ff.

  4. I became a complete bf bore, bleating on to everyone about it and it's benefits. I swear it took over my life when I should have just been enjoying my baby.

Flame away. Convince me otherwise. Am I likely to be judged for this in real life?

OP posts:
BarbieLovesKen · 20/02/2011 23:29

Im really surprised that people dont see any grey areas on this one - that the babies generally dont care once they are getting nutritionally the better. That a baby would prefer a completely miserable mother over a happy one in all cases? really?

DH's mother breastfed him. She is a truely terrible mother. She is bitter, twisted and sick. She sets her children up against each other and loves to sit back and watch them fight. She takes every opportunity possible to put down/ give out about him etc either to his face or behind his back. She continuously goes out of her way to wind him up in public and call him a "thick cunt". I honestly believed dh was dreaming alot of this up until I've witnessed it numerous times over the years. She has never, once told him she loves him (or the other 4) and he can never remember her giving him a hug/ kiss/ any affection or ever encouraging/ giving praise.

My mother didnt breastfeed. She is a fantastic mother. She out of the country at the minute and has been for the past few months (but home next week! Smile)I dont care how utterly ridiculous it makes me sound but even at my age, with number 3 of my own on the way - I actually cried for her the other day. I adore her, I miss her so much, we are stupidly close. She tells me, my dh and our children daily how much she loves us and shows us this in many ways.

I've just asked dh would he have prefered if his mother bf or ff and he said he couldnt have given a shit. I asked if he could pick mine or his and he just laughed his arse off.

Im just trying to point out that its not all black and white.

I wont be breastfeeding number 3, not a hope. Im a fecking great mother, my children are fantasic and Im very happy with this.

usualsuspect · 20/02/2011 23:29

I think theres some fantastic support for Bf on MN ..but tbh some of the ones on this thread are certainly not the ones I would ask for support

BarbieLovesKen · 20/02/2011 23:30

and I have to ask, MrsKlo, I could be completely wrong but Im assuming you have one baby at the minute?

bubbleymummy · 20/02/2011 23:31

Nellykats - Has anyone said it is easy on this thread? I think many of us are all too aware that it can be very difficult at times and a huge hats off to you for expressing for so long. (I could rarely be bothered! :) )

You have also made a very valid point about the lack of support in hospitals. The midwives are just under too much pressure and actually have very little specialist knowledge about bf to help a struggling mum. I would love to see more bf counsellors and peer support groups meeting in hospitals to help with that.

MissyKLo · 20/02/2011 23:31

did i miss where someone said these things to valhalla? of course that is not on to say that at all! and you are right to say nellykats that it doesnt mean you wont get it and to ever imply to someone that they got it was because they didnt bf is of course very very wrong

you did so well to express for so long

for the record i never found bf easy and suffered a lot, but am glad i persevered as i believe it is a great gift to give a baby

BarbieLovesKen · 20/02/2011 23:32

Jesus, cleofarta you are actually sad that children think milk comes from a bottle?? It must be nice to have so little to be sad about in life Smile

duchesse · 20/02/2011 23:33

Hear hear Nellycats.

I have breastfed exclusively for 25 months of my life, over 7 years in total and counting, so blatantly not personally hazy on the notion of breastfeeding. I also have friends who have found it very very difficult, for a variety of perfectly valid reasons. I am mature enough to acknowledge that I have been lucky, and sensitive to see that for many mothers it is a personal tragedy when breastfeeding fails and the last thing women need is people telling them they didn't try hard enough.

I used to be like you gung-ho combative lot, in the first year of breastfeeding. I've got over it as I've learned more though.

Nellykats · 20/02/2011 23:34

great points Barbie, my mother never breastfed me either yet she is the most passionate, loving mother, who will call me every day to tell me she misses me. I don't have any plans to complain about lacking the breastmilk...

MissyKLo · 20/02/2011 23:34

no barbie - i have a son who i bf'd till he was nearly two and i was heavily preg at the time and my daughter is still bf at 17 months

i found bf very very hard, exhausting, bewildering, time-consuming, relentless, painful (i get mastitis a lot, even now with it) and felt completely overwhelmed by it with both but persevered as to me it is important

i tell you this just in case you think i find it a breeze

i do not!

Nellykats · 20/02/2011 23:36

duchesse, thank you; I think you have a great attitude. Breastfeeding can be absolutely wonderful when it works but its not a stick to beat others that can't or don't want to!

bubbleymummy · 20/02/2011 23:36

Actually barbie - that was me! Yes, I do find it a bit sad. I think it's sad that at such an early age - children already see bottles as the 'normal' way to feed a baby and that milk coming out of a carton (even though it has come from a completely different species!) is normal and they so rarely see people bf that when they do they think it is 'weird' or 'creepy'. Of course I have many other things to feel sad about too - that's just one of them :) I'm actually quite a cheery soul really!

MissyKLo · 20/02/2011 23:36

barbie

if you are happy in your choice that is great for you. i personally have - as you know - opinions on this but how you do things is up to you

some people will care if they were bf some will not, you can't say that all people will not 'give a feck'!

piecenjam · 20/02/2011 23:37

ok

bubbleymummy · 20/02/2011 23:37

duchesse - who is saying that someone didn't try hard enough?! I think this thread is about people who don't want to try at all...

gree · 20/02/2011 23:38

see barbie thats what I was trying to say the fact tht I was bf untill I self weaned means nothing to me I dont care and I very much doubt that the dds will care how many months they got each.

But it was more important to there emotional and cognitive developent that they had a mother that was happy with the choice she made even though dd2 was bf for less time she had the better start, when it started to get to the point when I knew I couldnt take any more and I would be happier if I stopped, I stopped, and because I was happier I was more responsive to her because I didnt dread every feed. I should have done the same with dd1.

MissyKLo · 20/02/2011 23:39

barbie

why are you so defensive about what cleofarta gets sad about?????????? i think it is sad that children do not know that bf should be the norm too

i think it is sad that bf is not the norm and that people choose to ff too - thats how i feel! nowt wrong with that! if you are happy with how you feed your baby then that is great

bubbleymummy · 20/02/2011 23:40

nellykats - again - who is trying to beat anyone with a stick because they COULDN'T breastfeed. I haven't seen any of that on this thread. Is this one of these things where because anyone talks about the risk of ff that the person who had to ff for whatever reasons gets offended?

MissyKLo · 20/02/2011 23:42

aiii bubbly, that sounds familiar!

i haven't heard anyone beating up people who genuinely could not or even those who choose not to

we are just offering an opinion on bf but its taboo you know - not allowed...

bubbleymummy · 20/02/2011 23:42

I wonder why people don't ever get told off for talking about the risks of being overweight at the risk of offending an overweight person....

MissyKLo · 20/02/2011 23:45

I get people being funny with me for still bf'ing my 17 month old and they tell me that there are no benefits anymore to it! welllllllllll - i sure tell them that actually there are loads of benefits to my child still!

duchesse · 20/02/2011 23:46

The very fact that most mothers start off breastfeeding (78% in 2005) at least would suggest that making the decision to formula feed is the norm for loads of people. However, also in 2005, only 35% of babies were still exclusively breastfed at one week of age, suggesting either that problems had intervened and not been adequately resolved, that mothers were inadequately prepared for the experience of breastfeeding, or that mothers' attachment to breastfeeding was not that great to start with. Life is complex, and who knows? the drop-off rate could be caused by any or all of these, or even some other reasons I haven't thought of.

duchesse · 20/02/2011 23:46

is not the norm. doh! I changed the sentence around and forgot that one. Numpty.

Nellykats · 20/02/2011 23:50

bubbleymummy

asserting that "it's sad that people don't breastfeed" is an opinion, a statement, a judgement on another person's life.

Until I failed to breastfeed my boy I thought that non brastfeeding mums were a bit selfish or didn't try hard enough. You could say I was a smug mum in the making! It was a right slap to face that it wasn't happening for us, and I was so depressed about it it was all I could think. You know what, I think that is a lot more sad than giving him a bottle of formula, the fact that I would hold him and cry and feel frustrated by my own baby instead of simply cherishing him.

Some women do not want to go through this on subsequent children - we should respect that and not sneer.

Some feel very strongly about not even wanting to try - they may have a million different reasons and nobody should question their mothering ability. Like I mentioned earlier, my mum was one of those women, she has told me she found it alienating and weird, she fed me on formula and I'm loved and healthy.

Lets support women, not go into mummy competitions please.

bubbleymummy · 20/02/2011 23:51

duchesse _ are you looking at the infant feeding survey figures? I think there was a statistic showing that a very high percentage of mothers gave up feeding earlier than they wanted to so I think it is mainly down to lack of support :( I think this is awful because EVERY mother who wants to feed her baby should get the support she needs to do so and every baby deserves to have its mother's milk. It really is very disappointing. It's all very well campaigning to increase bf rates but if the support isn't there and you are fighting against a bottlefeeding culture what chance is there? Changes definitely need to be made.

bubbleymummy · 20/02/2011 23:54

Nellykayts, surely everyone is entitled to their opinion? I can't help it if I feel sad that a mother chooses not to bf - I am not using it to beat her up or make her feel guilty - it is just the way I feel. In any case, if it is a woman who tried and failed to bf then usually it is the lack of support that I get annoyed about!