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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not even consider breastfeeding

423 replies

Ilovemybreasts · 20/02/2011 16:39

Currently pregnant with no 2, breastfed no 1 to around six months and HATED the experience so not keen to repeat it for several reasons.

1)Felt like a big, leaky, highly uncomfortable cow for the whole time and could not wait to have my body back.

  1. Have seen the physical effects of breast feeding two children on several of my friends and it ain't pretty. My breasts are large and have only just recovered from the first feeding frenzy. Two shirt-spaced cycles of constant swelling and shrinking would not be good for their wellbeing! Although my body has borne children I still like to look and feel attractive; being a mother is not my whole identity and not an excuse to let my health and image fall by the wayside.

  2. Hours spent pumping and clusterfeeding and mucking about led to a very tired and stressed out me and this time I will have a toddler also needing my time and attention.

  3. The many benefits of breastfeeding are not entirely obvious to me. Dc1 still gets ill and picks up bugs as much as several other children we know who were exclusively ff.

  4. I became a complete bf bore, bleating on to everyone about it and it's benefits. I swear it took over my life when I should have just been enjoying my baby.

Flame away. Convince me otherwise. Am I likely to be judged for this in real life?

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 20/02/2011 22:00

See i dont view my breasts as a sexual thing, or a means to feed my child, just vile ugly lumps that should be hidden from all, including my precious child.

My mental health issues reached extreme levels whilst pregnant with my first, and despite plenty of medication once these issues were finally 'caught' I've never really come back.

Marrianem i said i had body issues, so why are you repeating it back to me - i already know. And no, not immature, just a different view based on my own very real experiences, which are as valid as yours.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 20/02/2011 22:00
MoonUnitAlpha · 20/02/2011 22:00

You can be passionate about breastfeeding without attacking women who choose not to breastfeed Hmm

hissymissy · 20/02/2011 22:03

Up to you. I just think it is a shame that you had such a negative experience and that you also seem to have quite a lot of negative view on BF in general. Loved the bit about feeling like a leaky cow! And about BF having a bad effect on the body -I think you'll find that is just pregnancy and age - nothing to do with BF or not!

Personally, I think this is more about you haveing "issues" around body image and feeling your body is being used in a way you don't like, also about your false ideas of femininity, etc.

I loved bf, so I find this POV strange, but each to their own.

bubbleymummy · 20/02/2011 22:04

Ah MoonUnit - but can you be passionate about ff without attacking those who choose to bf? Or without insulting them/their breasts or accusing them of making you feel guilty every time you mention a risk of ff? :)

backwardpossom · 20/02/2011 22:05

Well said MoonUnitAlpha

bubbleymummy · 20/02/2011 22:05

every time THEY mention a risk of ff.:)

MissyKLo · 20/02/2011 22:07

Good point bubbly

I haven't attacked anyone ( I hope ) but my personal opinion is that women should bf if they can!

MoonUnitAlpha · 20/02/2011 22:07

The "passionate" breastfeeders on this thread have been telling women how selfish they are, and shouldn't get treatment for breast cancer. I haven't seen noticed similar insults going the other way.

MissyKLo · 20/02/2011 22:12

I haven't ever said anything about the breast cancer thing and blimey never would

Where I have personally used the word selfish, I have said I think the attitude of the op who invited us to comment is selfish and I find attitudes like that in general selfish - that is my opinion on it and I don't think there is anything wrong in saying it!

A lot of women have said here and on other threads that they find bf 'creepy' etc which is an opinion I find totally weird but they are entiltled to their opinion and to give it!

bubbleymummy · 20/02/2011 22:14

Ok I do agree that the 'no treatment for cancer' was out of line but there have been plenty of references to 'saggy leaking tits' etc which some could find offensive. (Not me of course because my breasts are beeyoootiful ;) )

Kaz62 · 20/02/2011 22:14

i had a rotten time bf with my ds but persisted as after a rotten labour it felt like the only thing I could do right (not saying ff is wrong, i was a bit of a mess at the time), but has been a breeze with dd. I agree not to worry about what anyone thinks and go with what you want, just make sure it's what you want. If you bf and want to change no problem, it doesn't really work the other way round. I know that bf has made my life easier with second as I did not have to learn ff stuff with a toddler running around.

BarbieLovesKen · 20/02/2011 22:18

OP - of course you are being unreasonable. You are a mother now, darling - you are supposed to strap each child to your back for an absolute minimum of 18 years, co-sleep for an equal amount of time etc.. How dare you now expect to be anything but a mother??!! I sincerely hope you are not planning a career, or nights out with friends or time with you OH etc.. Shock. You selfish, pathetic excuse for a woman.

How dare you want to feel attractive and good about yourself?? you disgust me. Your a mother now darling - you are not supposed to have any needs or thoughts or wants for yourself. I dont care if this throws you into the pits of depression - you have now to give yourself soley up to your children. Otherwise, I agree with those on here who have said you really shouldnt have children - I mean, if all you intend to do is love them and take care of their every need while also being happy yourself it really, really is pointless isnt and being honest, you definately should be researching sterilisation about this time..

Vallhalla Im am so sorry to hear about what I can only imagine was an absolutely horrendous experience. Hope you are very well now. I hate the word and never use it but on this occasion, yep, I cant actually believe how we managed to get so many cunts on one thread...

Obviously your children will never wat

hissymissy · 20/02/2011 22:23

Formula feeding is a PITA though. I really feel sorry for you. I loved the fact that if DS woke up hungry in the middle of the night, I could just lie on my side cuddle him in bed while he fed off me, and we would both drop off to sleep. I would have gone mad if I had to get up, grab a bottle, warm it up, sit up to feed him, burb him, back to bed and up again several times in the night. And the sterilizing, the cost!

Are you sure its not worth at least trying it once or twice in the first week or so and see how you go? You can always switch to FF.

bubbleymummy · 20/02/2011 22:30

Hmm Barbielovesken. Yes, of course anyone who suggests bf a baby because it is the most natural start in life for them means all the crap you just spouted! Why on earth shouldn't you be able to look good, feel good, have a social life etc just because you bf? Some people are just strange...Hmm

BarbieLovesKen · 20/02/2011 22:33

bubbleymummy the op has repeatedly being told that she is selfish, shallow, shouldnt have children etc.. for her reasons above.

PacificDogwood · 20/02/2011 22:36

Oh, FFS, all of you!

bubbleymummy · 20/02/2011 22:38

I think you have exaggerated them to beyond recognition barbie! You can bf while still looking good/socialising/being healthy/having your own identity etc and at the same time be doing what is best for your baby.

bubbleymummy · 20/02/2011 22:39

Do you not think it is possible?

Cleofartra · 20/02/2011 22:43

The only person you really owe an explanation to is your baby, and for a long time they'll be too little to understand why you didn't want to give them your milk.

BTW - I've done 5 years of bf altogether (3 kids), I'm now 45, do no exercise, but have fab (big) breasts. Actually they're the only part of my body (apart from my collar bones!) which haven't been ruined by having kids.

gree · 20/02/2011 22:50

will the baby really care? I dont care how I was fed as a baby or what reasons my mother had

BarbieLovesKen · 20/02/2011 22:52

"But regardless, I will always be of the opinion that choosing not to breastfeed is irresponsible, ignorant and selfish. Period."

"If you arent willing to do that maybe you shouldnt have any more children."

All these "I want my body back" comments: having a baby means giving up a lot of yourself for someone else. People today don't seem to be able to put anyone else's needs above their own - not even their babies'.

I know bf is hard work but I will be really proud to be able to tell my kids I bf'd them and would be so ashamed if I told them that actually no, I didn't bf you and give you the benefits of bf even though these benefits are so known now because I wanted my body and my tits back
would you be happy telling your child that?

I just think how selfish, selfish, selfish and yes, if you were my friend in RL with such reasons I would judge you I have to be honest

There are loads more, bubbleymummy are you and I reading the same thread? Hmm I dont think I have exaggerated them at all.

ItsGrimUpNorth · 20/02/2011 22:52

Will the baby care? Biscuit

What a stupid argument. Read the science about the massive massive benefits of breastfeeding and the risk of ff.

gree · 20/02/2011 22:54

its not a stupid argument I know the benifits I did bf I just dont think its the be all of being a mother.

bubbleymummy · 20/02/2011 22:58

Yes we are barbie - not sure how any of that translates into what you said tbh. The poster(s) you have quoted is/are saying that to choose not to bf for the reasons given are selfish - ie the OP is only thinking about herself and her body without any consideration of the baby's needs. This does not equate to having to tie yourself to your child for 18 years/bf/cosleep/never spend time with your DH/friends/look good/ feel good etc etc because if you only decide to bf for even 6 months that is a tiny proportion of your life to give something so important to someone you love (not to mention that you can express if you need/want to.)