bulling on mumsnet.

[threefeethighandrising]

Yes, this is a thread about a thread. Or lots of threads in fact. So shoot me.

I'm shocked saddened by the level of bullying that goes on, particularly in AIBU.

I'm not complaining about people speaking their minds. One of the things I love about mumsnet is frank exchanges, that people can say what they want.

What worries me is a nasty group mentality - people ganging up on a poster - usually a new one - and picking apart their story and being absolutely, unforgivably nasty to them.

We teach our DCs to stand up to bullies. Well, how do we stand up to these ones?

I've recommended mumsnet to many people over the years, as a place you can find fantastic support, frank and honest opinions. Those kinds of threads make me question whether this is a place I should be inviting any one other than those with a very think skin. Which is a real shame IMO.

I'm not really asking AIBU. I am asking how we can stand up to bullies on mumsnet. I've posted it here because it happens here a lot.

Chambers need to revise the definition then OP re "bully1 noun (bullies) a person who hurts, frightens or torments weaker or smaller people" Don't agree with the bit I've put in bold - anyone anywhere can be bullied. It's often a strong, bigger person who is bullied, because bullies are cowards and are often threatened by 'strong' etc people. The effect of bullying is dramatic on anyone who is the target.

Wholeheartedly agree that the bullying on the 'fired' thread was appalling - endured for over 9 pages! by the same posters who repeatedly posted. The poster was ripped to shreds and endlessly accused of changing her story (she didn't, it was consistent).

Thoroughly unpleasant and has put me off coming on here again.

The first time I posted, it asw about my area and schools etc, in response to a request for genral info, was shocked to see a v rude post back from someone accusing me of being a mealy mouthed closet racist who liked controlled diversity for a bit of fun. Was quite shocked mainly because there was no justification for this and it felt like apersonal attack rathr than an opinion.
I posted agin, complainig about DH behaviour re cleaning etc and childcare and was interested to see that not everyone agreed with me, but hte way most posters expressed themselves was rational and non aggressive. In fact, it did make me rethink some of my attitudes. There is a big difference between f---ing rude bullying that these cowards would never dare let rip to your face and geniune and coherently put forward, evene vehemently put forward disagreements. Disagreement good - downright aggression and rudenss pretty off putting - we can see that on Jeremy Kyle and morning of the week

yet here you still are.

Yes, as I said there was this instance of aggressive behaviour, but also some pretty good and useful interaction to be had.

"Wholeheartedly agree that the bullying on the 'fired' thread was appalling - endured for over 9 pages! by the same posters who repeatedly posted."

People disagreed with her! Where was this bullying?

We're not obliged to come up with a differing range of opinions just to make the OP feel better you know.

The fact that in 9 pages of disagreement she pretty much refused to take any responsibility for the fact that she'd turned up half an hour late to collect her daughter, was the only reason it went on for so long - and guess what - at the end of 9 pages the same people were still disagreeing. That's not bullying. That's people having an argument.

Or is it only ok for people to disagree with posters you have vetted? If someone posted saying "AIBU to hate all black people" would it be ok to have 9 pages of posts telling them they were wrong and questioning their values?

I can't Remember anyone being bullied at MN meet - ups. more detail please.

Serious subject matter? been here for more than a week? you will know not to post in AIBU if you want considered answers

You can be bullied by the internet, I have had the villagers with torches after me on a couple of occasions, it isn't nice.

i don't have a facebook account

facebook is the root of all evil

i blame facebook

Yes I blame Mark Zuckerberg.

For everything.

Including the fact that my DS2 still isn't sleeping through.

Tcha.

OP I have seen threads where people have said ridiculously aggressive things in horribly rude ways. It makes me shudder, even though it's not directed at me because I am a bit of a sensitive soul and imagine others to be too.

I still wouldn't class that as bullying, though. To me, bullying is a prolonged thing. If I saw someone being followed from thread to thread, being slated for something irrelevant to what she was saying, then I would say it was bullying. And I have seen that here. It's rare though. One poster seems to take it in her stride, another gives as good as she gets.

Of course there is bullying here. We are a cross section of real people, and bullying exisits in real life, so it exisits here too. I think it's easier to deal with here, though, with name changes etc. It's all very well to say 'suck it up, you are a grown woman', but some people just are more sensitive to it than others. We are not all the same, and neithet should we be.

I have noticed an awful lot of seemingly deliberate misunderstanding on here.

Also, people do a lot of judging the op for judging someone. Posters are generally far more merciful to the person on the receiving end of a thread than the op.

People often get militant over inconsequential things.

Then, posters starting threads often get told that they don't know the whole story. Firstly, they might. Secondly, if they don't, they know that they don't.

I've seen different posters post the same opinion in the same section and get very different reactions (potentially down to those who replied, but...)

In general, I really like it on here.

However, I believe someone can make a point without being just plain mean.

Waiting to see how the 'firing' thread is dealt with buzz - not one for dramatic flounces. OP on 'tired' probably waiting for a considered response and naturally didn't respond to repeated attacks from the same posters. She had to wait a long time. I have been aggressively and repeatedly asked to clarify a point when the aggressor only needed to read my OP to get the answer. So I didn't reply (aggressor self-combusted). Thankfully, a gang didn't accompany her and she was outnumbered. Not so for the 'firing' poster.

Exists. How did I spell it wrong twice?

tired? fired

Bulling?
Would that be shagging a cow ??

yes I think there are a couple of posters that are overly rude when it's not needed.

HOWEVER, there are also some very tragic cases of posters repeatedly name changing, posting up threads that tug at the heart strings and are found to be false.

If what I have been told by 3 individual posters is to be believed, and they said the MNHQ were aware too, there is a thread currently running that is believed to be by a namechanged discredited poster. AFAICS, MNHQ are letting it run, and those that have reported it were not to engage because it is clear that this poster has ishoos and needs help, but attacking and hounding her off the boards won't help anyone. It's happened before, but still she returns.

In general, on MN, when someone is deliberately rude, without foundation, usually that big mouth gets told to STFU by one or more posters.

I couldn't talk for FB, but I have a ton of MNErs on Twitter and there really are not the shout outs/troll hunts AFAIK. If they were there, I'd see them.

If you think you are being unjustifiably attacked, report, report, report. If it continues, namechange.

As in life there are some sad drama queens, and there are some sad and rude people. In the main the majority of those that post here are nice.

O completely disagree with the concept that if you can;t hack it, piss off (which is just a rephrasing of the message of some posts here).

With the possible exception of AIBU once anyone ahs had a chance to view it, a board that has sections dealing with MH, relationships, SN etc needs to relaise that some people tehre are going to be more vulnerable. They should not be deined a chance for support just becuase some snidy cow is having a bad day and fancies taking a snipe.

I;ve actually come to the conclusion that AIBU should be opt in as SN is, and then chat may become the default section for new posters seeking less strident opinions which would be much better. We coped without it for eyars so I am sure Mn could take that slight readjustment (NOT a n old days was.. sentiment, just a MN could be... one).

I once posted on here under a different name about a work related issue and a dilemma I had. I was so absolutely unprepared for the reaction I'd get. I logged back in to find pages and pages of abuse calling me a variety of things from a pathetic waste of space to a dreadful mother ( I assure you I'm neither!)

Not linking to the thread now but I was tears and shaking, the level of hatred and poison directed at me just floored me - I was so shocked that people could be so nasty. I have posted on other parts of MN and found support but this part of the site is populated by some people who just seem truly nasty bullies.

agree with op

I would not cry because an anonymous stranger on the internet who had never met me was rude or abusive. I would think , "Oh look. A wanker in the internet is getting all nasty. They should get a life".

Poor you lucky - did you post on AIBU or work? Agree that the words-on-the-page thing can be very intimidating/upsetting/frightening. Isn't that the base of the new type of bullying amongst teenagers, as a result of which targets have killed themselves? I'm not suggesting that the bullying on here is of the same calibre, just that the written word can be potent. Never agreed with the sticks-and-stones thing - words can be much more hurtful and damaging.

BM wouldn;t that depend why you ended up here?

if you;d got ehre via Google becuase you'd just been told your child had say ADHD, accidentally posted in AIBU defensively / in denial and got ten pages of everybody with an ADHD kid is just a bad aprent you might.

Everybody on here has a different startiong point and we don;t know what hell their lives really migth be- if tehir competitive mum posting covers up DV, or deep down they know their supposedly gifted child is showing signs of an ASD. it doesn;t mean one cannot post arguments or even strongly 'what a laod ofc rap' ebing fine OIIMO) but you get teh nasty personal stuff as well and that's just never acceptable. IMO.

And yes Ok I will go find my glasses now , worse than usual

Page - there are lots of facebook shout outs on here. Sad but true.

What's a facebook shout-out?