bulling on mumsnet.

[threefeethighandrising]

Yes, this is a thread about a thread. Or lots of threads in fact. So shoot me.

I'm shocked saddened by the level of bullying that goes on, particularly in AIBU.

I'm not complaining about people speaking their minds. One of the things I love about mumsnet is frank exchanges, that people can say what they want.

What worries me is a nasty group mentality - people ganging up on a poster - usually a new one - and picking apart their story and being absolutely, unforgivably nasty to them.

We teach our DCs to stand up to bullies. Well, how do we stand up to these ones?

I've recommended mumsnet to many people over the years, as a place you can find fantastic support, frank and honest opinions. Those kinds of threads make me question whether this is a place I should be inviting any one other than those with a very think skin. Which is a real shame IMO.

I'm not really asking AIBU. I am asking how we can stand up to bullies on mumsnet. I've posted it here because it happens here a lot.

Maryz is correct. the word bullying (not bulling as I'm being serious for a moment) gets vastly over-used, in RL as well as on MN. Some people get short shrift with others if they make a post that is viewed as particularly contentious. Some people are naturally more diplomatic than others, some people seem to get a kick out of being as aggressive as possible in the way they challenge others who don't share their views.

Likewise, some people are able to shrug off criticism, others can respond to it very assertively whilst remaining fairly civil, and others get a massive persecution complex, and run to teacher.

FWIW in my world bullying has to be a systematic pre-meditated act of one or more people singling out an individual they perceive as weaker and therefore an easy target for their verbal/physical aggression, and repeatedly goading, frightening, intimidating, criticising, undermining or physically attacking that individual for their own pleasure and to boost their own sense of self importance.

Bullying, in my book, is not the same as ostacising an individual because you don't particularly like them, they get on your nerves, and you don't want them in your friendship group, however hard that may be for the person in question or deal with. A child who struggles to be accepted socially at school because others just find them annoying for whatever reason is not necessarily bullied, although they may perceive it that way.

On that basis I can honestly say I see very, very few incidences of true bullying on MN. Just a bunch of people, some aggressive, some submissive, some over-sensitive, some vastly more emotionally intelligent than others, but most are just perfectly level-headed and lovely.

That is a pretty fair summary, Fellatio. The only thing I would disagree with is that bullying is necessarily targetted at someone weaker than the bullies. I have seen a couple of instances on MN where people have ganged up on people who I wouldn't perceive as weak, presumably to try to come out on top by sheer weight of numbers. I would still class it as bullying, or certainly attempted bullying.

LeQueen - thank you for the summary. I was unaware of the existence of the banter gene. I was always under the impression that there was a banter factory, following the classic comment by a friend of mine - there has been a fire in the banter factory and the chat has all gone up in smoke.

Well the current thread on the C word is a perfect example of that. It started as a perfectly rational debate, someone fired a banter bullet which was deemed offensive, and now it's all gone tits up like Libya.

That really escalated quickly.

It was all going fine until you went on there Teths. You do know you are not fit to be around children don't you, you foul-mouthed disgrace of woman.

Of a woman. FFS. I have become totally incapable of typing an accurate post these last few weeks.

Haha, I am responsible for the failings of the entire care system, doncha know

burger has an agenda it turns out- she told me on a thread once that "My time will come".

I don't think we're friends. Unless she was asking me out.

quel thread?

link needed

Didn't you cause all the cuts as well, Tethers?

I caused all the cunts, Hully.

I knew it was you.

Cunt

LeQ - wooly animal with horns? - MAMMOTH

Oh no, they're tusks arent they [facepalm]

Wool makes me itchy. I dont want to be an aggressive sheep :(

I remember wrapping my nans sheepskin rug round me when I was little and playing at being "posh"

threefeet just stand down, they aren't worth it. The type of people that will goad, snide and mock until they get a rise out of you and then accuse you of being the bully or over sensitive or whatever crap excuse they can come up with for getting their kicks at other people's exspense.

I often wonder what the parents of the playground bullies are like and this makes me wonder

My mother used to keep sheep. She had two very aggresive ones. One was a ram so not unexpected I guess. The other was a huge, ramshackle virago of a sheep called Portia who only attacked men. I wanted to call her Andrea.

What happened to them Ormirian? Did they get turned into lamb chops Or did they live happily to a ripe old age, bothering the odd unwary stranger?

"I often wonder what the parents of the playground bullies are like and this makes me wonder"

If you are often wondering, you would have been wondering anyway, whether you read this thread or not...? :)

Not sure. At least one of them became food.