bulling on mumsnet.

[threefeethighandrising]

Yes, this is a thread about a thread. Or lots of threads in fact. So shoot me.

I'm shocked saddened by the level of bullying that goes on, particularly in AIBU.

I'm not complaining about people speaking their minds. One of the things I love about mumsnet is frank exchanges, that people can say what they want.

What worries me is a nasty group mentality - people ganging up on a poster - usually a new one - and picking apart their story and being absolutely, unforgivably nasty to them.

We teach our DCs to stand up to bullies. Well, how do we stand up to these ones?

I've recommended mumsnet to many people over the years, as a place you can find fantastic support, frank and honest opinions. Those kinds of threads make me question whether this is a place I should be inviting any one other than those with a very think skin. Which is a real shame IMO.

I'm not really asking AIBU. I am asking how we can stand up to bullies on mumsnet. I've posted it here because it happens here a lot.

3 feet - see earlier, I mixed you up with another, I thought you'd said somewhere "i'm new, bulling etc"

TryingVeryHard are you asking that thread is bullying? If so - it's not in the slightest!

That thread looks to me like someone who needs a bit of straight talking, getting some straight talking. She probably doesn't like the responses very much but they seem to be from people who have her best interests at heart. I only skimmed it but it didn't seem as if she was being belittled. There's no group talking amongst themselves, picking her story apart or doubting her sincerity.

TVH

Try a bit harder!

TVH - thing is, the OP on that thread is known to many other MNetters, hence the way in which they are posting.

That's what happens on MN - despite it being a large site, people do get to 'know' each other, and their back stories.

Don't take everything at face value! There is an important context for that thread.

Very important context (and back story) on this thread too

I think... I think... I think I've been bulled

[snivelling emoticon]

:(

Sorry.. you're right... I WILL try harder.
I was only asking though!
Thanks for explaining BIWI

TVH - this illustrates one of the problems, I think, with new posters (not sure how new you are, so apols if you're a seasoned MNetter!).

It's very easy to come on here, read a post and take offense on behalf of a poster, without knowing what their situation is.

Also, the whole thing about banter is a tad irksome. Banter develops because people get to know each other. it's a bit irritating when new posters come along and moan about feeling excluded. You wouldn't expect to walk into your local pub and immediately start joining in with already-established groups of friends, and it's no different here.

But hang around, get posting, and soon you will know people here and can join in just as well.

Very true BIWI. It can take a while to feel you fit in, but you have to persevere just like in RL.

TryingVeryHard I just read through that whole thread - utterly disgraceful

Can't believe some of you are still being quite nasty to the OP. Even accusing her of being the bully!!

What's wrong with just saying, 'look - we're not aware of any bullying and we're a bit pissed off that you think this is going on, but we're sorry you to feel this way'

If your DCs were being bullied and you reacted to them in the same way with all this 'grow some' bullshit it would destroy them.'

Heartless.

Oh BIWI thanks that's absolutely fair enough.
Can I just hang about for a while then, and hand out ?

duplicitousbitch - tatting is the art of making well 'ard lace. We had to look it up because it come up in Mrs Tiggiwinkle.

Thanks all

AAAAAAAAAAAArrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhh why oh why did I have to do that...
I googled it...

Thanks, TVH!

roseability - I've just done a search on your name, and you've been here for a while now. You may not have come across the OP of that thread, but there is a significant history which explains why people are posting the way that they are.

And believe you me, they are absolutely right to be talking to her the way that they are. She needs to hear the message loud and clear. Pussyfooting around, at this moment in time, is definitely not what she needs.

It really, really isn't bullying. (Or at least it wasn't by the time I left that thread, which was just after TVH posted a link to it)

GMajor7 - I started to re-read the thread and quickly lost the will to live. Nowhere have I accused the OP of being a bully. And I think you'll find that most of us have been trying to explain rather than ride roughshod over her.

Absolutely not heartless.

BIWI, I think Gmajor7 was referring to Kaz who said OP is trying to bully her to change her posting style. I for one thought Kaz was being sarcastic, but... not sure now!

sorry TVH... I really am. That's worse than bullying, that's putting something in your brain that should never have been there.

I have learnt so much from MN. You wouldn't believe how sheltered I was before I started lurking here... :)

Oh. OK. Probably time to go to bed then!

No worries VS, I think I'm ready to go out of my shelter... having said that, that was tough!

BIWI

YOU SAID You wouldn't expect to walk into your local pub and immediately start joining in with already-established groups of friends, and it's no different here.

Nope, but see when I joined a few weeks ago I bought a round, (oh yes, I lurked a while and found the level ), was made quite welcome then , thank you muchly

Well you didn't buy me a drink!

That's the key to it all - mine's a large

(Oh and I do a good line in spelling as well )

Lucky fit, I'm going to bed now, will buy a round tomorrow

Really, can't say I noticed {tongueincheeksmiley]

There's no bullying on The Football Ramble!!
Escape these nasty sharks there.