bulling on mumsnet.

[threefeethighandrising]

Yes, this is a thread about a thread. Or lots of threads in fact. So shoot me.

I'm shocked saddened by the level of bullying that goes on, particularly in AIBU.

I'm not complaining about people speaking their minds. One of the things I love about mumsnet is frank exchanges, that people can say what they want.

What worries me is a nasty group mentality - people ganging up on a poster - usually a new one - and picking apart their story and being absolutely, unforgivably nasty to them.

We teach our DCs to stand up to bullies. Well, how do we stand up to these ones?

I've recommended mumsnet to many people over the years, as a place you can find fantastic support, frank and honest opinions. Those kinds of threads make me question whether this is a place I should be inviting any one other than those with a very think skin. Which is a real shame IMO.

I'm not really asking AIBU. I am asking how we can stand up to bullies on mumsnet. I've posted it here because it happens here a lot.

LeQueen from what I've seen, no one can bully you.

Whole new meaning of iron lady.

LeQueen - that's what I've been trying to say!

It seems to be all one-sided though and the people insisting that there is bullying cannot and will not realise that the force in which they are trying to influence others could be miscontrued (*sp) as bullying in it's true form!

I touched on this in one of my recent posts, in a kind of 'I don't believe this is the case but do you see what this looks like' kind of way...

I could go on but can't be arsed tbh.....

[goes up ina puff of smoke never to be seen again]

LeQueen. Yes, but back in reality, are you feeling bullied? No, thought not.

That argument is just point-scoring and yes, it is tiresome.

Could you really not care less if people feel bullied? (Even if you can't see it).

"You are responsible for your own feelings and reactions."

That's such a a cop out.

You are responsible for how your actions affect others, particularly if they are telling you that they don't like it.

"I don't especially worry how other people feel." I think you should.

But we're never going to agree on this. Posters like you will continue to hurt the feelings of others (albeit probably unintentionally for the most part I imagine) and posters like me will continue to pull you up on it when we see it.

I couldn't give a flying fuck if people like you think I'm po-faced / boring / whatever. At least I've got a conscience.

last word

"I think you need to realise three that a whole plethora of people are totally oblivious to your existence (and mine) and really couldn't give a monkey's about our opinion."

This is a discussion forum. We discuss things, no?

'I don't especially worry how other people feel'

I think constantly feeling responsible for other's feelings is unhealthy yes but having no regard for how your words and actions affects others is also destructive

Tbh I don't know your posting style LeQueen, this is the first thread I have noticed you. My comments were about certain other posters who despite being anonymous, their personality seems to shine through the words they type. That sort of black and white thinking and tell it how it is and oh if you are hurt you are too sensitive. I lived with that for many, many years and alarm bells ring. Yes I think they could well be bullies in RL and if there is one thing that my experiences have taught me, trust your instincts

So I posted on this thread to join in the debate about online bullying and not to get into a personal argument about whether you can banter or not etc. Bullying is a subject I am very passionate about and I take it seriously. A number of people now have mentioned bullying on here and I don't think that should be ignored

Unfortunately it is a fact of life but it destroys lives and takes many forms. Sometimes quite covertly, so it cannot be assumed that because a person can't explain clearly why they feel bullied they shouldn't report it or take it seriously. People will always want to get ahead, be the best, be part of the powerful crowd because we live in that kind of culture. I have seen that dynamic played out on here, it is a forum but it is no different to RL in that respect. Power dynamics are played out in all areas of life and all the time but the vulnerable need some protection

poshsinglemum sounded vulnerable and yes maybe co dependent but people rarely respond to the straight talking attitude. That was a mistake. People are more complicated than that. But that is probably the massive downfall about trying to seek support online. It can be done though, I got a lot of invaluable support and advice on the stately homes thread.

No not all hugs and there, theres but people who grew up with bullies, abusers and dysfunctional people. It makes it easier to spot

no, we don't discuss them, we drag them out relentlessly..............

This is the 662nd post I think, only 338 to go and then it'll be the last word.

Disclaimer - this thread was definitley not about bulling

663rd post actually....

[waves to LeQueen]

[walks away in the opposite direction to locate the rock from which she crawled out of]

[also waves to threefeet & rosie and anyone else hanging around]

Oh boo hoo. But it was ok for you to fling my post back in my face and call me juvenile and purile?

I actually meant it when I offered that hand of friendship. It's not nice having that rejected so bloody rudely. If it had been me saying that to you I'd have been accused of bullying or being rude and dismissive.

Talk about double standards.

why don't you all just drop it ?

fgs...

my teenagers don't bicker this much

Kaz

are

you

trying

to

kill