bulling on mumsnet.

[threefeethighandrising]

Yes, this is a thread about a thread. Or lots of threads in fact. So shoot me.

I'm shocked saddened by the level of bullying that goes on, particularly in AIBU.

I'm not complaining about people speaking their minds. One of the things I love about mumsnet is frank exchanges, that people can say what they want.

What worries me is a nasty group mentality - people ganging up on a poster - usually a new one - and picking apart their story and being absolutely, unforgivably nasty to them.

We teach our DCs to stand up to bullies. Well, how do we stand up to these ones?

I've recommended mumsnet to many people over the years, as a place you can find fantastic support, frank and honest opinions. Those kinds of threads make me question whether this is a place I should be inviting any one other than those with a very think skin. Which is a real shame IMO.

I'm not really asking AIBU. I am asking how we can stand up to bullies on mumsnet. I've posted it here because it happens here a lot.

Not seeing the difference is DIFFERENT to not seeing it.
Its not there, can't see it.
I see different opinions, I see sarcasm , I see frustration , I see distrust, I see genuine disbelief at something someone has written but I do not see bullying.
And as much as your story is sad and you have obviously gone through some awful sh*t, but that still does not mean there is bullying here. Maybe those that see bullying are the ones that should stand back ad task a honest look at what they see, without the emotional involvement,
^^ all said in the same tone as the post which suggested those that cant see bullying are bullies in denial ( different statement but same tack )

ad task = and take

oh and whilst I am here , will also say i dont pretend to not see or know the difference.
I am a lot of things butI am not an ostrich .
And if i saw bullying I would shout out about it, wether on a forum or in real life.

and yes I HAVE BEEN BULLIED,in RL and on forums where I was followed, shrugs

tars and feathers, tars and feathers lifes too short for tars and feathers

I feel pretty nervous about joining this thread and yes maybe I should just turn off my computer, part of me really does think why the hell am I bothering but this thread hits extremely close to home and I want to back up the OP.

I started a thread ages ago, and there was vitriol pouring back at me and it was definitely from a particular group of people who enjoyed interspersing their attacks with cosy little asides to one another. That, more than anything else, made it feel like bullying.

I loved MN when I first discovered it whilst pregnant with number 1 and I enjoy a bit of banter and I do enjoy hearing other people's opinions. My thread, which I intended to start a discussion on a subject I was truly interested in hearing folks opinions on, really pissed a lot people off, but very very few people actually seemed interested in understanding what I was saying, they leapt on a few 'sound bites' and from the safety of what they thought was a moral high ground attacked me personally and accused me of not even being a mother. This triggered a lot of further responses where people had only read the responses and then leapt on the band wagon.

I can handle people disagreeing with me, no problem, it makes life a lot more interesting when you can have a good debate, argument, discussion (swearing optional but preferably witty); whatever you want to call it. I don't enjoy aggressive confrontation but I do believe that when people start getting nasty you should try and stand up for yourself, but yes eventually if they don't stop - walk away. It was still a form of bullying and I still feel strongly affected by it. I think I am pretty strong in many ways, not exactly a sensitive soul but frankly I would rather be a sensitive soul that some thick skinned bitch who enjoys the anonymity of her computer to attack people in a way she would never dream of face to face.

So bring it on I guess. This is the first time I have posted since then and I do feel like I am now waiting for the 'hard core gang' to start having a go. I think I have got your measure though and this time it won't bother me so much.

Good post, Rosieglow.

Seems very strange that a group of parents can't see why ganging up on a newbie who hasn't got a posse to help her is extremely unpleasant.

And really, what's the point, if not the thrill of power and the apparent satisfaction of having given someone a good kicking? There's certainly no desire to help the newbie see a better way of doing things. And worse still, no concern for the dc of the newbie getting the kicking.

There must be a huge amount of bullying going on out there in RL, since it seems to be deemed so acceptable on here.

Arf at 'sea of Farroow and Ball'.

Farrow, even

Another example of bullying is where a group of posters demand that the OP reveal more details about her life. They demand it ostensibly because they think she doesn't know what she's talking about; but actually it's very like stalking. And they just go on and on about it, demanding that she answers their questions. It's very threatening.

why don't you all fuck off to Netmums then?

Ok - that was irresistible, but seriously, if you don't like MN the way it is, why not go somewhere you feel more comfortable? I don't understand.

threefeet - I read through both the threads you are referring to and sorry, but I cannot see the bullying element. (scratching my head) Did I miss something? Please help - I am trying to understand. What exactly is it that has upset you?

Roseglo You are so right. There are also a group of bullies who think they have more of a right to be on MN simply because they've been on it longer. They seem to think this affords them special priveleges to insult new-comers.

"they look the bigger twat with the nonsense they have been SPROUTING!"

quite brilliant altinkum!!!!!!!!

Gorgeous - who ARE these bullies?

i wouldn't say i've seen any proper bullying on MN but a certain resistance to newbies if they're too opinionated. it's the group mentality of being suspicious of newcomers and testing them but gorgeous (?) that doesn't mean newbies should be specially humoured or tolerated if they sp(r)out nonsense as u did re. cameron recently and got a light toasting.

georgeorwell I don't mind getting a roasting for David Cameron, and I don't think newbies should get special treatment, but I'm allowed to have an opinion and my opinion is that there is a lot of bullying on MN.

To the poster who asks who are they - I don't keep a list, nor bear grudges - it's something I have noticed time and again - SIMPLES.

But I wanted to be in your posse :(

Cliques, in-jokes, a sense of a community, whatever you call it - it can alienate people as much as it makes them feel comfortable. Nature of forums - imho. Don't love it, can't change it.

My ol' Nan used to say:

Beware of stupid people in large groups

hymie How wise of your nan.

I've read the whole thread and unfotunately the unpleasant and on occasion downright nasty tone of some of the posts are proving that the OP is quite right.

I don't think it can be avoided though.

I would go to Netmums, but I find MN layout easier to read.

I would go to Netmums, but I find MN layout easier to read.

That is my fave post of the day

It is