bulling on mumsnet.

[threefeethighandrising]

Yes, this is a thread about a thread. Or lots of threads in fact. So shoot me.

I'm shocked saddened by the level of bullying that goes on, particularly in AIBU.

I'm not complaining about people speaking their minds. One of the things I love about mumsnet is frank exchanges, that people can say what they want.

What worries me is a nasty group mentality - people ganging up on a poster - usually a new one - and picking apart their story and being absolutely, unforgivably nasty to them.

We teach our DCs to stand up to bullies. Well, how do we stand up to these ones?

I've recommended mumsnet to many people over the years, as a place you can find fantastic support, frank and honest opinions. Those kinds of threads make me question whether this is a place I should be inviting any one other than those with a very think skin. Which is a real shame IMO.

I'm not really asking AIBU. I am asking how we can stand up to bullies on mumsnet. I've posted it here because it happens here a lot.

lascivious? blimey - careful on SM

sorry! mbmmbmmmpphphhh

well got to admit.bulling does sound dirrrrrrty

dirrrrrrty bitch

[could somebody report this post - disgraceful bullying going on here]

Inclined to agree OP.

Am currently avoiding the epidural thread on Childbirth as am feeling under personal attack. Shame really as it's a subject I'm interested in and I'd like to contribute more to the discussion.

But would also put my hands in the air and say I've made some unkind comments on here myself, which I always regret as soon as I hit return.

I suppose some of us are learning how personal dynamics work in cyberspace. This is a bit of a new frontier for me and sometimes I get a bit confused as to what the social etiquette is or should be.

It does make me smile that some of those saying you can always turn the computer off are amongst the first to report people.

But Cleo surely you see there is a difference between someone disagreeing with you strongly on one thread, even if they get too personal, and someone following you around the board to pick on you?

Threefeethighandrising You are so right. I can't be bothered to read through the whole thread, but in answer to your OP, the bullies always say it's because the 'victim' can't stand to be disagreed with. Utter tosh and nonsense.

MN is rife with bullying bitches who think nothing of being foul-mouthed and hurling personal insults at people. IMO they do it because they are of low intelligence.

Any second now.....

No where was I ? I was on a thread and gorgeousx posted some very odd things.
Is thta what you jmean by bullying ? Do you mean peopole not agreeing ?

I've been on MN for years and I don't see thta much bullying.

YANBU - Mumsnet is rife with bullying.

I like a nice bitta bullin in the mornin
I like a nice bitta bullin...

they don't sing em like they used to

There IS NO bullying.

There IS sarcasm

( and fair makes me chuckle sometimes when I see some uptheirownarse pontificating about this or that ) and a poster comes back with just a line that is sharp short swift and to the point,usually with an element of wit.

How do you not put yourself in the way of sarcasm? Not go out? Never speak to another human?

I wasn't aware that people go from thread to thread stalking people, nor that people shout out on twitter / facebook. That's definitely bullying IMO.

What I meant originally was something else.

I was talking about when a group of people gang up on a person and rip then apart. I'm not talking about people being frank or simply being in the majority when disagreeing with a poster. It's this pernicious nit-picking at an OP, questioning facts in their story and acting as if they're on trial, when their only "crime" is usually to be a bit new and not understand some mumsnet etiquite (such as not drip-feeding).

We could argue for days about whether you call it bullying or not. But if you can't see it happening (whatever you call it) you're either spectacularly naive, cold-hearted or a bully in denial IMO.

LeQueen, are you the very same LeQueen who's empathised so fully with Posie's being bullied right off the forum?

OK, she never said "bullied". She's been picked on, stalked, hectored, attacked ... Pick your words, they all mean bullied.

Sorry it happened to you, too. I know you're able to rise above it on a sea of Farrow & Ball but you shouldn't have to.

It really worries me that people don't see bullying when it's happening right in front of their eyes.

isnt as clear cut as that,is highly subjective and emotional. communication between recipient and sender and observer

thats the rub v hard to get a definitive line in sand.

threefeethighandrising
I am not cold hearted , and at my age I don think I am naive , What I most definitely am not is a bully in denial.
Just because I do not see bullying on here does not make me a bully.

I can only base my opinions on what I have seen the last few weeks I have been a member here.I have been berated, welcomed, called a troll, given advise and had people laugh and have fun with a thread I started, disagreed with and agreed with , put in my place AND reminded of the rules too.....all in the space of a few weeks, but FFS!!! never once did I think it was bullying.And yes people jumped on the bandwagon and had their ten pennorth shrugs.. so what... I listened, took in what I wanted , rolled my eyes at some , laughed at others and told some to "do one" does not make no never mind. NONE of it was bullying.
But what is bull-ISH is people continuing to moan and complain about posts that are bullying when all they have to do is turn off the putor.

I have said before I have been on a lot of forums , trust me nothing on here is suggestive of bullying and I have seen it on much smaller sites than this one,

How bloody dare you??

I disagree, scottishmummy. It's about simple respect. Plus, it's in the rules:

"You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks"
"we will remove posts we believe to be obscene, racist, contain personal attacks or break the law"
"use the same courtesy when posting messages on Talk as you would use when speaking to someone face-to-face"

If you distress someone, inadvertently or otherwise, it's normal to apologise for their distress - not to bang on about their lack of balls/humour/obedience/whatever.

C&P as you wish,this is highly subjective.isnt clear cut.at all. and yes good manners is to minimise offence but that initself desnt warrant apologies everytime someone disagreed with with one

Sigh ...

I do have an axe to grind, as some more recent members may be unaware. I was bullied into a breakdown, in real life. I got the boss fired - once I'd spoken out, others did too. I got rid of the husband. But, TEN YEARS on, I'm still recovering; I had PTSD. Friends & colleagues told me they hadn't realised what was happening. Which is odd because it happened right in front of them, day after day.

It's NOT about disagreement or even heated debate! Pretending you can't tell the difference is disingenuous.

you're rl experience doesnt necessarily equate mn=bullying

sorry for your troubles but maybe dont generalise onto another medium